My boyfriend tricked me, should I be mad?

He sounds like a nutbag! Be careful.

Meh, we all make mistakes. If he had a history like you said he did, i guess its kind of understandable. What he did was wrong, but the fact that he called you up afterward clearly upset and very apologetic about the whole thing says something. He knows he fucked up, and he doesnt want to lose you. Accept his apology and move on.

just dont be so accepting if something like this happens again.

I had an ex that did that type of thing to me. He found my passwords to my all my accounts, looked at all of them and told me about it but appologized. Went through all my old bills and found phone bills back to 2002 and took my address book and traced the numbers to the people. But he appologized. It was one thing after another justified by how he was treated bad before. In my case, it was never going to stop. Therefore, he is now an ex. My advice is to keep an eye on any other “tricks” he pulls on you and remember it is his problems, not yours.

What should you do? I think you should tell him to stop playing childish games and talk directly to you if he has questions. How old are the two of you?

He came clean right away and felt apologetic about it. I’m with Uber, move on and as long as this doesn’t become a habit (Chyna’s guy seems way over the top), forgive and forget.

@chyna um…i hope to God that he isn’t still around to hack into my fluther :S…

@90s_kid Nope, I got rid of him and changed all passwords, locks to my house and keypad passwords. He probably went on to prey upon another hapless soul.

Staaaaaalllker

@90s kid, why would Chyna’s ex hack into your fluther?

He came clean and said he was sorry. Forgive him, as long as this is the last time.

Young Guys by nature, are very insecure and scared of loosing someone close to them. I hope he grows up soon.

@supermouse why are you concerned? It ain’t your fluther!! There are many psycopaths on the internet. And hackers. Don’t think there aren’t any.

Thanks for your replies everyone. I agree with what you’re saying pretty much. I’ve accepted his apology and I’m seeing him tomorrow to talk about it.
We’re both 18, although he’s nearer 19.
He says he trusted me before he sent the messages and says that he trust me now, so I’m just having a hard time believing him totally.

But I’m 100% ok to just try to move on because I love him and understand where he was coming from even if it was wrong. My reaction might be a bit different if it keeps happening.

Uh…....he sounds completely batshit insane.

He was really angry and ashamed that he’d tricked me like that and was very apologetic.

He was angry at…himself? So…why did he do it in the first place…?

If this dude has trust issues that severe, he should not be in a relationship to begin with. Sorry, but I wouldn’t even give him a chance to do it again. My experience has been that crazy people don’t get less crazy over time.

@90s_kid, not concerned, just curious.

Maybe he is bi….no homo people…

@nikipedia its not completely batshit insane. I was on my girlfriends computer once and her email was open. I looked at it. I know i shouldnt have, but i did. I found some emails from right before we were dating, from another guy. It bothered me, but it bothered me more that i even looked in the first place. I, like tirithaluis boyfriend apologized for the incident right away and told her how terribly sorry i was. She accepted my apology and two and half years later we’re still happy. Ive never done anything like that since, but like i said in my first post, people make mistakes.

@uberbatman: I completely agree that people make mistakes. But don’t you think there is a giant chasm of rationality between:

Her email was right there and I looked at it
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I concocted a fake facebook account and wrote my girlfriend flirtatious messages trying to entrap her into saying something I could construe as unfaithful.

?

i opened her email up. I clicked on it, it was just still logged in. I did peek around. I understand what your saying, but he probably is a bit insecure. I really wouldnt hold this one incident against him.

thats a little more than a practical joke, I would be a little weary of those games played because that is all they really are and as others have said can turn into more serious kinds of game playing.

Guys are just insecure about how faithful their girls will be under pressure.

It’s one thing for a girl to say I want to be with you and only you, but when a situation comes up we dudes have to know you’ll “walk the walk.”

What your bf did is something that I’ve thought about doing, but it’s one of those things that I could never see myself actually doing, because I would feel like a creeper afterward.

You should still trust him because since you proved him wrong, he now trusts you more. Maybe he was really struggling with whether or not to do it (for fear of making himself look like a stalker), but since he cared so much about you he risked making a fool of himself.

On the pessimistic side of it, he could get addicted to checking up on you and doing this all the time, and even weirder stuff. In that case you should probably watch out lol.

I’m glad you told him how you feel about what he did.

It also has to be explained to him that A) you aren’t his ex, and B) if he thinks his picker is so faulty that he’s going to keep dating the same type of person ad infinitum and simply HAS to check up on them like this, then he needs to see a therapist about his trust issues. I’d put him on notice, and if it happened again I’d be gone. Life is too short to be put yourself through hell like that.

Also, if you guys are in middle or high school, please know that people in caring relationships don’t behave this way. It’s not kind. Jealousy is not love. But you know that, and he needs to know that too.

You know I guess if it happens once or something its not a big deal. I mean I can relate to that kind of insecurity and wanting to know for sure. I mean that is kind of entrapment and hes wasting his time doing it, but if its what he needs to do to feel good about it then what ever. The problem is when he crosses the line and starts doing this stuff all the time and tries to control you hard core. Thats when you tell him to bug off

Mmm… sounds a little pathetic.

I had an ex that I looked at pictures on her computer, but we had real trust issues going both ways that we had to work on.

This is different, though. The game-playing is just annoying. And why was he mad if you shut fake-BF down?

Bottom line, you’re like 12. If sex == good: continue relationship, else break up.

@tirithalui , Some possessiveness is normal for your age, but you know, this can be a pretty good red flag for a person who could have control issues, and that could become not a good thing very quickly. It sounds like he’s jealous of you, and the attention you may attract. Perhaps one of his friends said something, and he felt the need to “check it out.”

@andrew lol what?
actually I hope if you are 12 I hope you are not having sex. You have bigger issues to work out than your bf spying on you.

@nikipedia – I’m with you on this one. The guy took the time to create the page, start a conversation and just keep going with it…..to me, it’s a sign of something bigger than just an slight “oops!”

I’m not sure I’d be okay with this, in fact, between the game playing and trust issue, if this was a new relationship, I’d have to end it. If it was a longer standing relationship, there would be some work to do, if we were to stay together. A lot of work.

Yes, you should be mad. And beware. This young man will, over time, be more likely to be more suspicious or jealous or manipulative or pathetic, not less.
Give him one more chance if you must, but do not give him another after that. If you do, you might as well flush your life away.

I’m with cak and nikipedia here. the fact that he MADE a fake facebook, initiated a conversation with you, faked a persona, and tried to trick you into saying something is calculating. This is more than just a quick glance onto the pictures on your desktop or something…he FAKED being someone else and was deceitful.

I had a past boyfriend do the same darn thing (over IM), and it was bad. He turned out to be cold and manipulating. Even though I didn’t say anything incriminating, he still did it several times with different screen names and personas. It was messed up, and the relationship turned unhealthy with his jealousy and mistrust.

Please don’t let this happen to you. My advice is to stay with him, for now. Give him another chance, but be wary! If he keeps being mistrusting, is intrusive/jealous again, then dump him. You deserve better!

First of all i cannot believe he did that. That is LAME! And you should just dump him for making those stupid jokes. If you want to be in a mature relationship, you need to tell him that those jokes are pointless and stupid. Although, I think he has trust issues.. thats why he set you up in the first place. But really.. either talk to him about he insecurity or dump him!

Whatever you do, don’t hide a GPS transmitter in his car or install hidden cameras in his room. If you do this, he will think about it obsessively for the rest of his life.

This is a one time deal. That’s it. Tell him in no uncertain terms that if he ever does such a thing again, it’s over.

The fact that he was angry is not a good sign. He’s the one being an ass, and expresses anger to you? He could just keep his mouth shut and beat himself up in private; it would be just as effective. Maybe he’s trying to break up with you, but is trying to force you to be the one to do the break up…

@AlfredaPrufrock

I think he was angry @ himself, not her.

She said he was angry, upset, and apologetic. Also, she didn’t do anything that he would construe as unfaithful, so he has no reason to be mad.

I know, but why express anger at all, when sheepish, contriteness, or even silence would be preferable?

@AlfredaPrufrock

You’d think, right?
I think he sounds like a highly volatile, emotional guy in general with an insecurity issue.
Guys like that can act irrationally and do stupid things, like making up Facebooks to trick their girlfriends.

OCD. Dangerous.

When my boyfriend and I first started dating. He would read my aim logs. I kinda figured, hey, let him do what he has to do, he eventually came clean about it. I was mad for a little bit, just because I had never given him anything to NOT trust me. I would never want to be compared to the other girls in his life, even if they did give him a reason not to trust them. I am not them.
It blew over in a day. If you are mad at all, just make your points clear and let him know why. Let him know that you know he has trust issues, but you are not his ex’s and you haven’t given him a reason to not trust you. Let him know, and reassure him why you’re with him and exactly what you’re intentions are. If you’re with him, you’re with him. If you wanted to go out and do whatever with another guy, you’d be single and not in a relationship with him. But obviously you are, so he has nothing to worry about!

He may be insecure as well. It’s way harder for a guy to admit they’re insecure for a girl to. So instead of actually admitting it, he just acts on his insecurities, it’s not fair to you, and like i said, just reassure him. Let him know he doesn’t have anything to worry about. And if you need to, just keep reassuring.

Better to be single than to be with a guy who’ll pull a stunt like pretending to be someone else to see if you’d consider cheating on him.

How do you know he won’t just decide that you figured out it was him and that’s why you didn’t cheat?

Sometimes it can be hard to shake your feelings toward a loved one.
I totally understand how you feel.
As time passes you will, Buddy.:)

well yu gotta understand where hes coming from- its hard for him to trust people; i cant trust many people either. it was kind of wrong of him to make up another screen name and pretend to be someone else. but i dont think being mad about it is hte best way to go. just get over it, its done, nothing yu can do about it. he just knows now that he can trust yu. and now yu dont have to worry about that stuff anymore.

Except that it escalates. He knows you passed the test once—how does he know that you’ll stay faithful if some other guy comes on to you on facebook? Answer: he doesn’t.

He has to trust you. If he can’t trust, the relationship won’t go anywhere. And if he has to play these little games, and uses his lack of trust to justify them, he’s a controlling ass.

Being mad isn’t the way to go. Ending the relationship because he doesn’t trust you is the way to go.

Thanks for all your replies everyone. They were very helpful in helping me get to grips with the situation.

Long story short: my boyfriend and I met up the next day and after a lot of silence talked about it. I asked him to explain himself and I was honest about how it made me feel. I believed him when he apologised and was regretting ever doing it.

I told him that I forgave him but that it had damaged the trust I had for him and we’d need to work on getting that back.

So we’re still together and happy and it’s mostly all history now though what he did does cross my mind from time to time. We’re going all out this valentines day :p

X

Hello!

Well I had a similar situation happen to me.

Well my boyfriend knew that I had male friends, and tricked me through email by pretending to be someone that I met before. I told him about this person, and all of the details about this person, and this was how he was able to trick me.

Anyway, I kind of had a feeling it was him, but went on this date that he set up, expecting to see the person that I met. My boyfriend shows up, and now I know that it was him that set up the fake date. When he sees me at the restaurant, instead of coming clean, he is all upset and walks away from me and goes home.

I then call him about 15 minutes later and ask him if there is something that he needs to tell me, and he still doesn’t admit that it was him. So I then go on to believe that this was really a person who stood me up.

To make matters worse, he continues to email me, asking for a second chance to see me. I’m more confused than ever, because I wouldn’t think he would go though all of this at the age of 39 to trick a woman. I’m torn between the idea of it being him, or an actual person that I met before.

I had to go to him and tell him that I knew that it was him. He apologizes and said that he never had played a game like that on anyone. We’ll probably remain friends now, if anything. He kind of scard me. :(