I think your intentions in asking the question are fine.
It’s just people may be troubled by the wording.
Not that your wording is incredibly insensitive.
Rather, it’s just a sensitive topic in general.
On buses and subways, it seems that everyone
spaces themselves out regardless of race.
It’s polite. Kind of like not taking the urinal
next to some guy if there are others available.
I take public transit quite a bit and see all sorts of preference for sitting arrangements. Personally, I don’t like facing the back of the train or bus. I would rather sit across from my friend or next to a stranger.
Occasionally, I will notice what you perceive to be a larger personal space around some black passengers. Though I’ve never read that as something of their own doing exactly. At best, a conditioning by society that their presence is intimidating to others.
One time, the only forward-facing seat was between two black kids. They were sitting kitty corner from each other, with their legs stretched out. (This is not something to attribute only to black people. I do this quite a bit.) I felt kind of bad taking up their leg room (when there were other seats open), so I explained how I didn’t like sitting facing the back of the bus. There was a moment of hesitation, but they gladly made room for me.
After riding a few blocks, one of them suddenly declared:
I was really surprised that you wanted to sit here!
I was a bit confused at first and started to explain
again my dislike for sitting in forward-facing seats.
I get kind of car sick when I—
People are usually scared to sit next to us.
Which totally caught me by surprise. At first, I was kind of incredulous. I mean, come on. We were in the bay area, the liberal bubble of the world. He told me that people would rather stand than sit next to him on a crowded bus. That’s silly! Maybe it’s not you and they just prefer to stand? I offered.
Then he told me that just last month, a lady had demanded the seat from his mother. That just seems crazy to me. It was 2006 and we were still having Rosa Parks moments? But even more than the absurdity of someone asking his mother for his seat, his hurt confusion/confession was even more touching to me.
I think many black people’s perceived personal space is a two way street. Many of the black people I pass while walking in West Oakland, give me a wide berth. I am a short (5’2”) female. (Needless to say, I shouldn’t be that intimidating to a much taller male.) Though whenever I make contact and say a simple hello, I seem to get a surprised reaction and the personal space you perceive is greatly diminished. That’s really all it usually takes.
When people think you want space, they’ll give it to you.
Just be aware of the signals you’re sending out.
Sorry this took so long to compose! Had to run off to do an errand.
I seem to have developed a really bad habit of starting a response, then running off!