What would your opinion be of a friend who had a killer virus but refused to take proven precautions to prevent them from spreading the disease?

I don’t know. Someone I know just found out their boyfriend gave them the herp. Then I found out she’s still with him. He claims he didn’t know. I’m basically gob-smacked that she’s still with him and believes him. I know the herp can hide pretty effectively for a long time, but it still rings false that he wouldn’t know.

I don’t know how to handle that, so I certainly don’t know how I would handle this. I would certainly yell at them and honestly stop being their friend. But would I turn them into the police? I’m not sure. It would bring down a lot of misery on me. But if they are intentionally infecting others…I should.

Edited to add: It’s kind of the same as slowly poisoning someone. I guess, in a way, it depends on exactly what virus it is and how they are spreading it. And even then, I don’t know if I’d be able to turn them in should the situation really arise. I’d like to think that if I knew someone who was definitely killing other people in an easily preventable way that I would turn them into the police. But unless I was in the actual situation, it’s hard to say.

I would be of the opinion a person like that could not really be my friend. If they would have no compunction with regard to passing a deadly virus on, certainly they are not worthy of friendship. Indeed, if that is their approach I would imagine they don’t have much regard for friendship anyway.

To help me articulate better, I’ve chosen to illustrate your generalization in this case: a person who is infected with the HIV virus, who chooses to not inform their sexual partners of their status nor use any barrier-based contraception (female or male condom).

To me, this is assault, and should be dealt with in the exact same manner. Calling police and pressing charges, for starters, as well as a suitable punishment for the person who infected others. The person has done an action which was non-consensual with the party involved, and this infringes on our basic rights to life and liberty. In the case that a person would WANT to be infected with the virus, the infector should not be punished as it is a consensual act between the people involved.

Least of all, this person would no longer be a friend. I am not friend with people who have no basic respect for one’s right to life and liberty. I would then take steps to inform others of this person’s choice, such as informing any of my friends who might want to have a relationship with that person. I would then cut this person from my life completely. Life’s too short to deal with crappy people like this.

I would like to re-emphasize dynamicduo’s statement that knowingly transmitting HIV is a crime. I’ve worked a surprisingly large number of these cases, and a lot of times, I’m the first person to whom a victim discloses her or his sero status. It’s heartbreaking. An individual has an absolute duty to disclose before sexual contact. Absolute.

@tonedef: an individual also has an absolute duty to ask before sexual contact, and to use appropriate barrier methods of protection.

An HIV+ acquaintance of mine for a long time had the policy that whenever he had sex, he would offer to use a condom and he would answer truthfully if asked, but that anyone who would have unprotected sex with a partner of unknown status really knew what he or she was getting into. I’m not sure I agree with that entirely, but I am pretty sure that any mindset that places all the responsibility on one partner is doomed to failure.

If you’re HIV- and want to stay that way, you need to take responsibility for seeing to it that you do. By the time you can blame a partner who didn’t disclose his status when you think he or she ought to have, it’s too late.

@cwilbur: I do not, in fact, agree with your acquaintance’s idea and he should know that if he infects someone and they die within a certain amount of years, he can be charged with murder. (It may not even be a certain amount of years in some places.)

@cwilbur – you raise an excellent point about being self-aware and self-responsible. I respect your acquaintance’s policy, especially since I’m a supporter of the long-since-abandoned-by-civilization natural selection and thus people who don’t inquire about a partner’s diseases prior to having relations deserve nor insist on deserve what they get. Like you, I’m not sure if I agree with it completely, and I would never recommend the same approach to others.

@EmpressPixie – your comment seems to totally disregard the other person’s decision to have unprotected sex with the infected person. Why does that person have no responsibility for their decision, if they chose to not inquire about their partner’s sexual disease status, or to insist on wearing protection? No one forced the person into having sex with the other person.

To all, I apologize if I have caused a derail with my introduction of the HIV example.

Also to clarify, in my cases, all of the clients asked, and were told the offenders were seronegative.

I think that I’d be satisfied if an HIV+ person always used protection. Ideally, everyone would always use protection. But the attitude of, “Hey, if they don’t want to wear a condom and they didn’t ask, they deserve what’s comin’ to them”?? No way in hell. I’m sorry.

I agree that responsibility lies on both parties, but your friend’s approach is just sheepish and sad.

Pretty low.

Which, I guess, makes me think on it enough to say: if I knew someone purposefully allowed someone to become infected, I would certainly report it to the police. But I would also try to have some sort of evidence. My previous hesitance is somewhere between bugcatchers (people who want to get infected with things like HIV) and if they belonged to some weird idea that you could become immune by low impact exposure. In which case, as adults, it is supremely moronic but there’s not a lot you can do about it.

@Dynamicduo: That’s kind of like asking why we blame the drunk driver for hitting someone walking home from the college bash they both attended. The walker knew quite well that there would be many drunk drivers on the road—there was no way anyone was sober there—but they chose to go ahead and walk home anyway. They didn’t have to go to a party they knew would be wild. Engaging in risky behavior often results in horrible consequences. However, once you kill someone, even on accident, you’ve still killed them. And you’ve made the choice to engage the in the behavior that that every chance of killing someone.

@tonedef: if the HIV+ partners lied, that’s a different scenario entirely.

But look at it this way. You are having sex with a man whose status you don’t know. Before any penetration happens, he offers to wear a condom, and you decline. You don’t ask about his status. Whose fault is it if he’s HIV+ and transmits it to you?

Well, 35 states think that it’s criminal, and that it is the HIV+ partner’s fault. It’s not just a matter of, “Aw, snap! You shoulda asked!” It’s a terminal viral infection.

So if you were in that scenario—where you refused barrier protection when it was offered, and where you did not ask—you would place 100% of the blame on the other person?

That’s pretty sad.

It’s not a matter of “snap! You shoulda asked!”

It’s a matter of completely abdicating responsibility for yourself, and then blaming another person for not taking the responsibility for yourself that you were unwilling to take.

Personal Responsibility is a two way street.

You are not free from responsibility unless you say, “I’m HIV+, are you sure you wouldn’t prefer to use protection?” Otherwise they are making a choice without all of the important information. It’s true, they may not have thought to ask, but equally you did not offer it.

I was friends with this one girl. She was a total whore who slept with everyone she met. It’s her body, she had the right to sleep with anyone she wanted but I didn’t agree with it. Then she found out she had herpes and continued to be a whore. I stopped being friends with her because I can’t be friends with someone who knowingly passes her disease to others. The people she slept with are guilty of being whores too, they know if they sleep with random strangers they stand a chance of getting a disease. I don’t think they deserved it but they didn’t protect themselves and knew it was a possible outcome.

I couldn’t be friends with someone who had no regard for other people’s lives. I would seek out the proper reporting agency.

Call OSHA