I've heard that fighting with your significant other is healthy for a relationship...but how much is too much?

When you can’t solve the issues and carry them from fight to fight. When you find yourself holding grudges. When you look at the other person and feel resent.

Sometimes arguments can be viewed as a loud form of communication but at times it can end up hurting someone we care about (just so we can win the argument).

As far as being healthy for a relationship we must learn to hold our tongues if it will bring tears to our loved ones eyes.

As long as your good moments outweight the bad moments (including fights), you should be ok. It also helps if you have a little, ongoing joke, or some other mechanism that allows you to defuse the silly fight, drop it, and go back to loving each other.

Oh, you’ll know when you reach it. Very generally speaking, it’s when a simple argument becomes a discussion or dismissal of the entire relationship. Like if your partner breaks a regular drinking cup, and you start going on about how they’re a total klutz all the time and they’re completely useless, etc etc. That’s a good sign that there are problems underneath the top layer of the relationship. Can the problems be fixed? Sure! But you need to acknowledge the problems first, which is often not done until the relationship is in a critical stage and thus may be too late.

I heard that too, until a mug hit my head, that wasn’t healthy, at least not for me :s
I’m just kidding, the mug situation never happened but a good does of drama is good from time to time, just to realize that you are not clones or twins, that you are different and that, of course, you can live with that….

I think it is when the arguments seem to revolve around the same topic(s), is when you need to take a closer look at what is happening. That can indicate that there are certain issues you need to resolve with each other to go to that next stage in your relationship.

If you find your arguments are increasing, but the subjects seem trivial, it could mean either or both of you need to pick your battles. At some point in a relationship, people will eventually argue. It’s not fun, but unfortunately is a means to sort out what’s bothering you both. At least it shows you have a healthy relationship with your SO (ie can discuss anything). just my opinion

My father gave some advice after my first wedding which was the same advice my older brother gave me after my second wedding regarding spouses, “Never go to bed angry at each other”.

I always took this to heart to mean that if you ever have arguments, don’t let them be drawn out and linger and fester over time because it just devolves into something twice as bad as when it started. Learn to agree to disagree and believe in the power of forgiveness. I hope that doesn’t sound trite but I really mean that.

When you feel/know it’s too much!

@Bluefreedom: I think it is also a great way to ensure you wake up in the morning, if you get my drift just kidding

If you experience a sense of dread when you are about to see or talk to him because you know it will lead to a fight…that’s probably a sign that the fighting goes too far. If the fights happen spontaneously, you’re probably fine. It really just matters how much you’re both willing to work with the relationship. And it matters a lot how the fight is resolved. Are you always the one to apologize? Or him? Really, both people should take responsibility for ending fights from time to time.

When the arguments cease being learning opportunities and growth areas and start becoming mudthrowing opportunities and destruction zones.

When it becomes intentionally hurtful or unfair fighting, then I think it ceases to be productive.

The idea is that it’s healthy to fight rather than keep it in. Not that it’s a good thing to fight.

There are no rules about how much is “too much” but at some point one of you could say “ok, this is simply not worth it anymore”. If the effort to make up after the fight and keep the relationship going is greater than the effort of breaking up and finding someone new (and better), then it’s simply not worth it.

When one of you is serving time for assault.

When you get to the point where you mentally switch that ‘button’ off in your head and accept that enough is enough and things become too big to resolve.

I’ve done it before…it took 18 years though to get there…but one day I just said ‘I don’t want to be here any more’. I moved out within six weeks and separated from my husband…thankfully very amicably…and the ‘switch’ is still switched off.