Are there any other females like me that don't particularly enjoy sex?

As you get to know yourself and enjoy the company of the right partner, I’d expect that to change.

If you want it to.

how long before someone writes, “that’s because you haven’t met ME?”

To be serious, I believe the majority of women need some other form of stimulation besides penetration…the nerve endings for a woman are basically on the outside. I think only a small minority of women can get off through penetration alone. You need to find a partner who’s willing to “rub you the right way.”

Orgasm through sex alone can be hard to come by (no pun intended). I agree with PupnTaco, intimacy with the right person is all it takes.

This is not unusual. At all. Read this article and get back to us.

Seriously though, women have a lot more trouble in this area than guys do. Take your time, get to know yourself, and know that your experiences will vary from others out there.

There are quite a few really good books out there on female sexuality that discuss various reasons for difficulty reaching orgasm, many physiologic. I’m at work at the moment, but I can find a list if it’s something that you would be interested in researching. Understanding how your own body works is always a good thing.

Also: sure, I’ll stand up here. Never had one through sex alone. See? I meant it when I said you weren’t alone.

There are a number of things that you can do to make sex much more pleasurable for yourself. Chances are at 20 you haven’t had very experienced partners. Good news. Partners are trainable too.

Here are some ideas:

Take some time to do some reading and research on your own at reputable sites.

If you have not ever done them, learn about Kegel exercises and practice them. The site I have referenced here is focused on the aspect of Kegels that because they strengthen your pelvic muscles, they help bladder issues. The wonderful side benefit is they increase your sexual responsiveness.

The sexual response time before orgasm for women is about four times (or more) longer than it is for men. Thus, foreplay. Slow things down. Take time to have your partner explore your body and arouse you slowly.

One of the biggest aspects of great sex is communication. Talk to your partner (Note: not when you are in bed.) Tell him what is going for you. Focus on the positive. Then and when you are in bed, tell him what you like. Talk about exploring some new positions. Talk about him slowing down and putting some effort into making you ready and eager. (After all, an aroused you will be a turn on for him too.)

Make sure he stimulates your clitoris and the muscles at the entrance to your vagina.

Practice will be fun. Good luck.

I agree with the masses: Either you need the right partner, or you need to train your partner (either way it’s unlikely it’s you, unless you have some related health issues).

@Syz-I would love to research it whenever you get a chance to list a few books, that’d be great.

@EmpressPixie- By never having an orgasm through sex alone, I meant that I can do wonders by myself haha, but I can never seem to get a guy to understand what he needs to do if that makes sense. I just read that article, I think some of the problem is me not being 100% comfortable with my body.

A good way for you to achieve an orgasm is by you being on top. This way, you are in control of the speed and the motions.

I have the same problem. He always thinks it’s amazing & I’m still thinking, “okay, I’m still waiting..”

@jonsblond, this doesn’t work for me.

@kelly8906 – Haha. Some of the best I’ve had is by myself, too, I think.

I’ve actually noticed (for me) that being on top has brought me closer then anything else. But it takes so damn long, that I’m like “alright, I’m tired now.” lol.

There’s also sometimes underlying conditions that can cause a lack of pleasure in everyday activities, sexual or otherwise, both psychological or physiological (i.e. clinical depression, nutritional deficiencies, etc.) If you haven’t recently it does no harm to do a recent checkup or maybe even speak to someone about it.

To clarify my point I believe there are certainly those that have a low-sex drive or lack interest in sex but if you’re wondering why that is than it’s worth seeing if this is your nominal state or if it can be improved upon.

Or s/he just sucks in bed

@kelly8906 – I agree, it’s better than anything else. Usually by the time I even think about getting close, he’s done and doesn’t really care to do anything else.

@kelly8906 lol It does take strong thigh muscles. ;)

On top you’re probably getting rubbed in a way you’re not while on bottom…because you can grind and massage that outer area, I think that’s key. Rub yourself (or if he’s limber enough, have him rub you) while he’s in.

@Kelly: I knew what you meant. If I recall correctly (and I may not) the article that one points to talks about women who couldn’t orgasm, couldn’t orgasm during sex, and some other category of unable to orgasm. You can also go read…. tootimid.com (it’s a sex toy site, fair warning). Not being able to orgasm during PIV, missionary sex is normal. You usually need clitoral stimulation which doesn’t happen as easily during missionary (or in a host of other positions). By getting to know your body, you can learn what helps and what doesn’t and explain it to your partner.

edited to add: Tootimid.com has a LOT of FAQ type stuff about orgasms and orgasming.

@EmpressPixie, haha okay thanks. I will take a look at that site when my daughter takes a nap. Thanks. :)

By the way, this website also has a lot of useful sexual advice presented in a casual yet informative way. I found a discussion about precisely your concern, but there are many others.

This may be TMI, but what I usually do is do whatever it takes to make sure she has an orgasm, then have sex aftwards, it’s much better for both of us.

^ Yep

@dalepetrie Yes!!! That is the way to do it!

You have a kid but don’t enjoy sex? How did that happen?

For many women (not me thank god), intimacy not just arousal is necessary to achieve orgasm. If you can give yourself an orgasm, instruct your partner on how to help you.

Besides all of the other great ideas up there, have you ever considered that you might be gay? Just a question.

@tinyfaery – she said she enjoys sex, just doesn’t achieve an orgasm during sex. A fairly common thing for women.

Question says she doesn’t “particularly enjoy sex”. Am I missing something? Don’t answer. My question is rhetorical.

An orgasm does not a great sexual experience make. My wife can had 4 the last time we had sex.

The problem that was once in the last 4 years. 7 in the last 6 years. So it can be something else to.

@Bri_L IPhone? Am I right in interpreting your response as: Your wife had four orgasms the last time you had sex. That was four years ago though. You have had sex seven times in the last six years. Thus, there are other sexual problems than not being able to orgasm vaginally.

That sounds like a difficult situation. My thoughts are with you.

On a happier note, it is nice to see (encounter?) you again. One of the benefits of returning to Fluther. I missed it and the great jellies.

Yup. 4 orgasims in one session, but only had sex one time in 4 years. 7 times in 6 years.
It is very difficult. Not what I signed up for.

and HEYA MARINA. or should I say Lady 12369 lurv. Holly cow.

have u ever read “our bodies, ourselves?” if not, i’d suggest buying a copy and reading it. honestly, i think this is a book every parent should give their daughter on about her 10th or 12th birthday. and, in fact, it may be good to read w/ ur bf. an informed partner makes for a much more pleasurable experience for all concerned! good luck!

@tb1570 Excellent book, great idea! Lurve to you.

I’ve never had an orgasm during sex, but I still love it. I’ve tried everything and still no luck. But I’m determined, so it’ll happen eventually. I hope.

@DrasticDreamer Just let your mind go girl, no stress. Relaxation is the key. Best wishes for ya! :)

Can you say Depo?
Are you taking birth control?
That’ll lower your sex drive…fyi

@maybe KB That’s for sure. Hated Depo.

yeah, @DrasticDreamer, maybe the key is just to give up the “determination” and just relax and enjoy the sensory/sensual experience of the entire sexual exp. sex doesn’t have to be a goal orientated exercise. it’s the journey, not the destination!! and someone that you feel very comfortable w/ is also nice! enjoy!

Yeah, I know. I don’t stress about it and haven’t ever, really. My partner did, after a while, because he was convinced something was wrong with him, but that wasn’t the case at all. Don’t know why it doesn’t happen, but like I said before, it probably will eventually. I enjoy sex so much all around that it doesn’t matter much to me. It’d be nice, but I won’t stop having sex just because I don’t orgasm from it.

@DrasticDreamer – Maybe my wife could channel her excess to you since she has them and doesn’t need or want them.

If she’s willing to share, I’d have no problem with that.

Me, either!! ;))

I’ll ask her. I’m looking for way number 732 to bring up the fact that 7 times in 6 years isn’t enough. Now I have it. “your wasting orgasms!”

I’ve been with a few girls who have never had an orgasm during sex together.