What's the kinkiest thing you've done in the bedroom?

I could tell you, but then I’d have to kill you.

@dalepetrie how about you just spank me instead ;)

not gay I promise…

@cage – gotta say, I’ve never been propositioned by a butcher before!

See, this is why I need an alter-ego account on here. I can’t possibly answer this question, as my children are members, too!

@augustlan LMAO that’s awesome.
Well they have to learn that mummy and daddy have sex sometime!

@augustlan. You’re just going to have to throw caution to the wind this time. Fluther minds want to know your dirty secrets. :o)

Suffice it to say that I am very open minded. Whatever consenting adults want to do together is ok by me ;)

@augustlan mommy… what’s fisting?
Well, you know Obama…

I could tell you, but I don’t want to.

It’s a surprise!

@aprilsimnel Fisting as a surprise?
That is so not cool.

Let’s just say I am quite an adventurous girl…

I guess it depends which bedroom your talking about?
Go check out that old book…
Fred the Ceilings needs Painting…

Haha, WELL.
I just don’t think it’d be appropriate for me to answer this. :)

He dressed as a nun.
I dressed as a pirate.

True story, it was Halloween and we were young

Hanging from the ceiling fan, bouncing off the wall, swan dive off the dresser, nothing but net!

I’ve eaten crackers in bread with no napkin and not even wiped up the crumbs.

two girls, it happened just like in porno movies. I got back home one day to find my girlfriend fooling around with her best friend. So we had a threesome and yes, it was really great, even though I would normally not like that other girl. Would have worked better if the second girl had been someone to my taste. We later discussed it with my gf but she didn’t feel comfortable about doing it again. It just happened spontaneously that one time.

Does a 12 volt battery, two crocodile clamps and a lot of oil on a latex sheet qualify?

Or maybe an open Champaign bottle to prove that certain body parts really do create a vacuum if treated right? GRIN….........oh so bubbly…..aaaaaaaah

real answer:
something to do with domination/submission.

I would totally answer this question if I’d ever done anything I would consider kinky. These half answers are pointless! :P “I have… but…”. Why be ashamed?

You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.

Even if no one believed you, you’d still know it was the truth. C’mon! What was it?

Can we mention animals?

@WastaBwoy. Of course you can. Give us a lesson on bestiality.

And make it very detailed. I’m bored and in need of stimulation. :o)

Once upon a time there was a long-stemmed red rose, complete with thorns.

And upon another time, there was a hairbrush.

Oh, and there was a candle that other time.

<primly> That’s all I’m going to say.

@Jeruba Candles guarantee a good time.

I don’t think they were used to light the room ;)
and….thorns?...ouch! I don’t even want to imagine that.

The closest to a threesome for me so far was to wear my Fluther t-shirt to bed!

oh, do be-have!

@sndfreQ

WITH A JELLY? AN ABOMINATION I SAY!

KY FLuther lol…...

All I will say is it involved two Chinese midgets, a powdered donut and a Janet Reno mask.

@Mr_M

That’s disgusting, a Janet Reno mask? I’d never do that to my midgets! AN OUTRAGE!!!

All I can say was that it was something I paid for. I paid a lot for. Worth every penny.

I’m with Augustian on this – my son and daughter-in-law are members. Not sayin’ a word!

Let’s just say I’ve done all but two of the things you listed.

…and all of them were pretty amazing :)

The kinkiest thing I’ve ever done was not in a bedroom.

Yeah, if it’s in a bedroom, how kinky can it be? ;)

When asked this question, I like to think I’m innocent again just ‘cause I feel dirty saying the things. Then I remember I’m not, but still won’t answer publicly, hahah.

I take back what I said before. I thought about it and I guess I have done a couple of things that would be considered kinky. But I’m not telling since no one else is, either. :P

@DrasticDreamer

I told you all about crocodile clamps and champaign bottles! Chickening out? ;)

Oh you thought I was kidding?

Purely as a theoretical question—does anyone know the derivation of the term “orgy?”

My goodness, you naughty guys. <blush> I did not use them on myself, nor did I use them in the way you are apparently imagining. I used them to titillate and to tease. End of story.*

Orgy: from Old French, “secret rites.” More here.
—-
*Oh, yeah, and the candle was lit.

Jeruba, you finally disappoint me…lol
(I’ve spent most of the day in physical agony just trying to think of a non-painful use of that rose)

yes, of course the candle was lit, the question is where was it placed, and which side?

Hmmm. That word (orgy) seems a little tame after reading those definitions. I thought it meant something more…. excessive.

I don’t suppose anyone remembers the Mine Shaft?

The lighted candle was on the floor and cast such very interesting shadows on the ceiling. I will not explain about the rose, though, and you probably have the wrong idea about the hairbrush.

However, I have witnessed some extremely kinky stuff that I did not do myself, involving (at different times and among different people) rope, knives, needles, electricity, whips, floggers, chains, Saran wrap, candle wax, latex, pulleys, slings, St. Andrew’s crosses, harnesses, reins, the occasional uniform, and a whole lot of leather. The only thing I ever administered was green nail polish. As I said elsewhere, I have a very adventuresome friend whom I used to accompany now and then on her outings. And I formed some unexpected opinions.

@Jeruba All I can manage is… Wow. :)

Sounds like we’ve been to similar places with similar friends, @Jeruba ;)

Kinkiness appears to be a powerful stimulus to creativity. In fact, it seems to me that kinky play is above all an act of the imagination.

Then there was another time that involved a Sham Wow, jello and a mozzarella stick (of course, skim only. I was dieting).

aaaaaah, the Sham Wow yes

(nods to Mr M with a conspiratory, knowing look in the eye and a smirk on the lips!)

Dude asked me to choke him… o_O

@paradesgoby Choke how badly? Some people like it, as long as you’re not trying to actually kill them or get them to pass out. What I’m talking about is more of a mock-choke, I guess.

He wanted me to choke him until he passed out! I’ve heard that cutting off air flow for a few seconds can help with orgasms but I just couldn’t MAKE him pass out lol.

I’m pretty…..vanilla…..I guess that’s the best way of putting it. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a live and let live kinda guy, but I got 2, maybe 3 positions and that’s about it. The craziest I ever got was on my honeymoon…we were in Italy, and we found out the next morning that in the throes of passion, we had knocked the telephone off the table (and off the hook). I had a hard time looking the folks at the front desk in the eye when I checked out.

Sleep.

All of my kink takes place away from my bedroom.

Oh oh oh. Talking about choking. I’m a bit into MMA, and I got choked out in training a couple times. Not the can’t breath type of choking, but the “blocked artery” type, which is very quick and painless.

I have to say that the way I experienced it was scary because it really has some “pleasurable” aspect to it. In the short while it takes, the whole body goes into a very pleasant warm and “tingly” sensation, and the moment your brain actually stops to fight and lets go of being conscious is a very…hm…... profound experience.

However, I wouldn’t know how to get this into the same bag as sex escapes me.

People who are interested in breathplay should always practice it with a trusted partner. My grandfather’s brother died of autoerotic asphyxiation. :(

@dalepetrie- So you bring a bottle of vanilla into the bedroom? Then what?

Vanilla is kinda hot, in a way…

Ooooh Vanilla!

Well I bring the extract (which is mostly alcohol), apply it liberally, and light it on fire, of course.

All over? or just on…certain parts?

REM to self: tell you-know-who about Vanilla.

@dalepetrie I’ve heard of the burning sensation after sex, but never during it.

I heard a guy on the radio once who was supposedly on Elvis’ staff at Graceland. One time apparently he walked in on Elvis and two women, as Elvis’ was addressing one of his assistants. He swears that Elvis instructed , “send in the monkeys…”

You know, I heard they never played their own instruments. I never knew who did play them until now. Thanks Dale!

We reenacted Lola.

@vindice Lola?

@timeand_distance: I’m hoping s/he’s talking about the Kinks song.

Yeah, thats what I was thinking as well, I just want to make sure.

Sorry, yes, it was a joke.

..it involved fuzzy stuff and metal.. and a blindfold somewhere in there

um.. awkward lol

lot’s of kinky stuff…which ones to share?

A good idea, but one that takes a higher pain threshhold, is to take chocolate(we used hershey’s bars broken into the little squares), a candle, and a spoon. Put some of the squares into the spoon and hold it over the candle until it melts(a lighter can also be used). I dripped the chocolate on and once it had cooled I licked it off. Mostly on the tummy and chest.

Also once knocked on her door and pretended I was a stranger whose car had broken down up the street and I had to use her phone. Then I locked the door behind me and we played out a scene from a porno lol.

DAMN! SeventhSense did something too kinky for Fluther mods? I think I need to meet you!

@dalepetrie – it was a disturbing post that didn’t seem to take the question that seriously.

The post was not so much kinky as deliberately crude. Grossness is typically more a matter of the treatment of a subject than the subject itself; but in this case it scored on both counts.

I was rather reminded of The Aristocrats.

Incest, pederasty, and necrophilia. It was a provocative and obscene parody. It made me uncomfortable, and that says a lot. (I mean obscene not in the sexual sense, but rather as in the abhorrent and excessively offensive sense).

Frankly, I’m glad the moderators removed it (and this is the first time I have felt that way). I wonder how long @SeventhSense is going to last here. I have seen several of his posts that seem to dance on the edge of even fluther’s generous bounds of acceptability.

@MacBean
Thank you. Call it an homage to the aristocrats-the world’s filthiest joke. I actually held back on the homoerotic stuff. And it’s been around for about 100 years and probably more. Funniest ever was Gilbert Godfrey’s take, but you want filthy just check out Bob Sagatt’s rant. Sweet old Bob had the most crude take on the joke imaginable. Talk about censorship…Wait, illegal activities can be discussed with impunity, but crude is too much. OK kids, smoke crack, weed and drop acid but don’t have a potty mouth. It’s like the nonsense in California- no cussing. They can’t balance the budget, we’re on the verge of economic meltdown and we don’t want Johnny to cuss….
@daloon-
necrophilia?? No nothing of that but there was much to offend delicate palates and if I dance on the edge, well you might try it sometime…and this coming from a person who has a Filthy Ass for an avatar?? PULEEESE…
But with all that said, if enough people can’t handle it they’ll remove it….Like I’m going to lose sleep over it.

@SeventhSense – I actually imagine that were you or I or anyone to post a question…“Please tell me your take on the Aristocrats joke,” all posts would likely stand. In having spoken with the mods, I get the impression that their concern was more that it didn’t make any serious attempt to answer the question, nor was it normal back and forth banter, just kind of an out of the blue, fictitious assault on the question, which probably took a few people aback as the overall tone of the thread hadn’t quite gone to that particular level. I am a particular foe of censorship, and as yet I haven’t really felt in the end that anything the mods have done here is really censorship…it seems to fall more under the category of “quality control”, like if your question sucks, it might get pulled, if you go way off topic out of the blue in an obscene fashion, it might get pulled, yet if you posted that same quip verbatim in context somewhere else on the site, it might be perfectly fine, because there it wouldn’t seem to be an out of place assault on the unsuspecting. Just my two cents…

now anyone want to test my theory by posting the Aristocrats question?

Please do because I don’t know what this Aristicrats thing is.

I’ll do it, I’m going to post it right now! With an explanation for Bri (and anyone else so they don’t stumble upon it by accident).

Yes but stating, I AM GOING TO BE OUTRAGEOUS and then following with your reference kind of loses the impact…love to all.
Peace
@Bri_L
The Aristocrats is a movie and it’s based on what’s considered in comedian’s circles as the world’s dirtiest joke. Furthermore it was stated that if any comedian could successfully pull it off, then they were a genius. Obviously I am no comedian, I just play one sometimes on fluther. But i found that Gilbert Godfried was the only one in my estimation of the movie who pulled it off at a roast of Hugh Hefner, Worth checking out if you like to explore every nook and corner of the human psyche. I mean how do we know where the boundaries are if we don’t have explorers? Again I say PEACE…

Ah, thanks for the explanation.

OK, Bri, Seventh and anyone else, it’s there, go for it.

Nunya Bizness

3some and more somes. Would like a FMF sometime, >:)

OK here’s the fun vulgarity. Enjoy.
Gilbert Godried does the Aristocrats
Sarah Silverman does the Aristocrats
George Carlin on the Aristocrats

Lol @ the current question being modded

@Saturated_Brain In my defense, I wasn’t a mod yet! :P

rimming, a few 3-ways, some bondage

YAY, another person who isn’t grossed out by rimming! Lurve!

@MacBean – I actually only did it for the first time recently! My bf LOVED it. But, I have to do a LOT of man-scaping before. I prefer oral. My bf is not as experienced with sex/sexual acts as I am, but he’s learning.

@Violet: Congratulations. XD Less experienced but willing to learn: MY FAVORITE.

@MacBean – XD? and what is your favorite? bondage?

The adult version of watersports; luckily it was on her bed! LOL

Whips? Yes.

Chains? Yes.

Spanking? Yes.

Tying up? Yes.

Male ahem masturbation of the anus? Not exactly.

Dressing up? Kind of.

Roleplay? Yes.

Threesome? No, not yet.

And, many more things than the above mentioned. **giggles**

How did it go? Except for one or two mishaps, it was great. Doing a basic check on things and being intelligent enough helps, learnt it the hard way, though. **laughs**

And what would you like to try? A threesome, which does not look like a possibility, yet. Even a FFM is not agreeable by my BF. A little too possessive, proud of it, absolutely. **blushes**

@cage ; All you say and most I can’t even put on Fluther…lets just say the wife and I are into Edgeplay.

@doesnotmakesenseatall .. (I liked your comment style)
Taking the original Q&A, and also adding some:
Whips? Yes.
Chains? no
Spanking? Yes.
Bondage? Yes.
Gag? Yes
Blindfold? Yes
Male masturbation of the anus? No
Dressing up? Yes
Roleplay? No
Threesome? Several
Rimming? Yes
On video? No
Anal? Yes
And what would you like to try? MMF, sex machine, and DP

@Violet ; what… No Candle Wax or Ice??? Clothes pins with string removed Quickly!

@phil196662 no wax or clothes pins, but yes to ice. I don’t like pain.

They just give a Twinge and you can use warm wax- let on it’s good for the skin too.

I actually find ice more painful than hot wax.

one time i poured ketchup all over me and this girl and then made her yell I’m a french fry with me until we orgasmed .

< < insta-adds @germanmannn to his fluther.

It had something to do with a rope, a lit Christmas lightbulb candle, a Bowie knife, two bedposts, KY lubricant, and a cigarette lighter. ;)

This ain’t none yo biznezz! : D

Whips? No, not really interested
Chains? Nope, not really interested either
Spanking? Yes
Tying up? He’d never let me lmao probably due to movies and me playin around a lot haha
Male ahem masturbation of the anus? He won’t let me haha even if I suggested
Dressing up? Yes
Roleplay? would love to
Threesome? interested but not sure if its a good idea

The kinkiest thing I’ve ever done did not occur in the bedroom. And that’s all I have to say about that.

In the bedroom? How about in the shower? On top of the washing machine? In the kitchen? On the floor? I’ve done all those and..

I’ve done it in the backseat of a car, on the hood of a car, in the office during work, afterhours in any building, a dressing room at the mall, finding some clearing in the woods while taking a walk, in the parking lot, on the sidewalk at night.

Kinkiest? I’ve played a slave, with a collar and leash. ;-) I like to be choked, but with a “tap out” signal of course. I also like to be spanked. Oh, and I’m not a slut, this is all with one man, and I thank him for this fabulous adventure.