Probably a very stupid question about Hasidic Jewish weddings?

Tradition. Women were relegated to the balcony or separate area of the shul, usually behind a curtain). Men and boys only went to Yeshiva to study Torah. A morning prayer for the Orthodox male Jew includes, “Thank you, God, for not having made me a women.” A minyan, permission to pray, required ten men. Women were welcomed only recently.

Women usually had to to shave their heads and wear a wig after marriage; all women had to have a ritual bath (mikvah) after their periods so that their husbands were spared the difficulties of having sex with an unclean spouse.

It gets very complicated, both historically and in contemporary Judaism. I have been to weddings where the women and men dance separately, the bride and groom are carried around on chairs and also hold each end of a handkerchief.

My maternal grandmother was embittered for as long as I knew her. She had to tend her younger brothers, who were not only schooled but given violin lessons. She felt cheated always.

@gailcalled Is right that it is a tradition, but she is mixing different sects of Judaism. In the first two paragraphs where she uses the past tense, it should all be changed to present tense when referring to Hasidic traditions (a.k.a. they are all traditions that are still followed by Hasidim today).

As to your question, this practice is a tradition based off another tradition (some think it Jewish law) of males and females who have reached Bar/Bat Mitzvah age to not touch the other gender excluding immediate family until they are married, and once they are married they may only touch their spouse in addition to their immediate families and even then only in private. This tradition/law is why the men and women were dancing separately and the bride and groom were holding hands by means of a cloth—so as not to actually touch each other in public even though they are now married.

Another reason the men and women were dancing separately is a matter of Tsniut (tsnee-oot), or modesty. You don’t want to dance in such a way that might make the other gender lust after you, or accidentally have part of your thigh show, etc.
If you ever noticed, Orthodox and Hasidic Jews wear very unrevealing clothing (i.e. skirts that completely cover at least their knees, shirts that completely cover navel, collar bone, and elbows, etc.). This is the most common and known form of Tsniut.

Even among Orthodox Jews, there are varying degrees of separation at weddings. For example, at some Orthodox weddings, men and women sit together for the meal at the reception, while at more strictly Orthodox weddings, men and women eat at separate tables. (I have only been to Orthodox weddings of the former type, however.) As far as separation during dancing goes, I have been to at least one Orthodox wedding where they had separate-sex dancing with the wall or divider (mechitza) for part of the reception and mixed-sex dancing (without mechitza) for the rest. But this was a case where the couple’s parents were not Orthodox and so they made this compromise to make them happy.

re Gail: “all women had to have a ritual bath (mikvah) after their periods so that their husbands were spared the difficulties of having sex with an unclean spouse” is not entirely accurate. Going to the mikvah after your period is not for hygienic reasons. By the time that you go to mikvah, you should not be bleeding anymore.

Perhaps she meant ritually unclean?

@laureth and answerjill; I did mean either ritually or symbolically clean. The traditions of of Judaism are clearly patriarchal.

Reconstructionist Judaism, triggered c. 1920 by the ideas of Mordecai Kaplan, has a diffferent take on things.

Hasidic men don’t have to use the mikvah even thought we hope that they clean themselves down there. And they don’t have to swap their ears, nose, and have their pubic hair or beards combed routinely.

I went to a local funeral and graveside ceremony a few months ago. The sister of the man, who died suddenly of a heart attack at age 42, planned everything. She and her gay partner (and their 2 yr old son,Simon)had a Lesbian Rabbi come up from NYC. She was the leader of a Gay and Lesbian Synagogue in Manhattan.

As I said, contemporary Judaism is very complicated. Two Jews, three opinions, remember.

As Gail likely knows, there is a progressive mikvah here in the Boston area. It is called Mayyim Hayyim. www.mayyimhayyim.org On the other hand, some traditional Jews can be more “progressive” than you would ever expect. www.jofa.org (Jewish Orthodox Feminist Alliance) has links to more information about niddah/mikvah.

@answerjill, I decided after visiting Mayyim Hayyim over the summer that that will be the place I go for my first time at the Mikvah I loved it.

The first answer is written as fact but is not.
And what is fact is colored by the author’s personal perception.

Men and women are usually separated at public events. This includes dinners, lectures, services and dancing. This is indeed because of tzniut – or modesty.

Since the question as not about mikva or the jewish view on feminism in general, i won’t address it but please be aware that it is not as archaic and discriminative as some make it sound.

@Reesale, whether men and women are separated, or the extent to which they are separated at public functions is also dependent on the “flavor” of Orthodoxy. I, for one, have never been to an Ortho. dinner or lecture where men and women were separated, for example.

Reesale: I wrote the first answer and carefully either used qualifiers (I used “usually” twice -you used it also) or spoke from my own experience. I was very clear about that also. I was speaking about my maternal grandmother and her experiences in Poland.

Being Jewish, I know the irrational acceptances of guidelines or law; two Jews, three opinions.

”It gets very complicated, both historically and in contemporary Judaism.”