Have you ever watched someone died?

I watched my grandfather die. It took a week and nothing can prepare you for the emotional ride you take. Fortunately there was plenty of family around to support each other.

doesn’t it suck that the people who really don’t deserve to go out like that, go out like that?

Not their very last breaths, but I’ve been pretty close to it. In my case, it was my father, who had terminal cancer. We’d had several weeks to prepare for it, but it was still traumatic. It was sad to lose him, though I knew he had had a long, good life, but it was also a painful reminder of how small and weak we all ultimately are.

My father had been 180 pounds through most of his life and he was down to about 100 pounds. He was always very verbal, and he could hardly talk about a whisper, and that was hard to understand. He could no longer read, which was painful to him. He could no longer keep food down.

And, barring accidents, most of us are going down that same road. It’s the nature of life.

@Blondesjon Yes- it is not right. We give our pets more consideration and compassion in death.

Sadly yes.
And I have also had to ID a best friend in the morgue whose mother was not strong enough to do it.

More than once.

@Dog…Well put.

It’s been a month, today, since my father died.

We got the call that his vitals were dropping, fast. We got there, my husband and I, my mother and my sister. I won’t forget the smells or sounds from room. We were talking to him – they checked his vitals again and told us it would be a matter of time – of course, we didn’t know how long. My mother needed something to drink, so my husband and sister went to get her something – and me. My husband was worried that my blood sugar was getting low. I remember watching my dad, my mother was crying telling him how much she loved him. I held his hand, trying to warm it up. I was looking at the stubble growing in on his chin and his throat caught my eyes. I noticed his adam’s apple wasn’t moving as fast. I started counting the seconds between the movement – it was getting longer between each breath. My mom noticed what I was doing and started watching him, too. I moved my hand to his chest, I could still feel his heart, but I knew what was happening. My sister and husband walked in, shortly after this started – I couldn’t answer their question. My mom had her hand on his chest, as well. My hand stayed on his chest until his body let out the last breath – the final one. I remember reading a book, years ago, How We Die (I think that was the exact title) and learning they call it the “death rattle” – there is this sound that will never leave my memory.

Not only did I watch him die, I felt it, too.

My heart goes out to you.

I was there at the very end with my sister-in-law.

My father died of cancer in August of 2000. He was in a hospice for several days in what was called ‘pre-active death’ and according to the nurse, this is where the body starts showing early signs of shutting down.

My family and I were continuously around his bed for those last few days and even though he couldn’t speak to us and he appeared to be in an unconcious state, the nurse said he could hear everything we were saying to him. My older brother and I were each holding one of his hands as he passed away before us and he died very peacefully and painlessly.

I often attend to patients taking their last breaths, some peacefully, some not.
It was very different attending to my own mother in her dying hours. Much more heartbreaking.

Same as (patients) @cdwccrn: Usually always sudden (in a procedure lab). Attended a Father-in-laws last hour. Peaceful. Witnessed a sucide once. Violent, quick, permanent!

I watched a man get hit by a car in south America. they tried covering him up and hiding it I was 9 there where a bunch of other kids there to. but the covering flew away and he was all riggamortis it was surreal and weird.

I watched two of the most important men in my life pass away – my father and grandfather. Those were the most life changing and heart-wrenching moments of my life. Through both I thought I would be prepared enough to deal with it, but I realized that no matter how much you think you’re ready, you’re really not. Just as @cak said she could feel her father pass away, I felt the same. There’s nothing that even comes close to describing that moment of passing. It’s surreal.

I was a volunteer firefighter for a while. There were some ugly on-the-scene deaths involved in that.

Also, when I had my brain surgery in 2002, I was in the pediatric ICU. (Because apparently that’s where they put you if you’re under 21. I had no idea. You learn something every day.) In the room next to me, there was a baby girl whose mother had been taking drugs through the whole pregnancy, so there was all kinds of crap wrong with her. (No, the hospital staff did not offer this information to me. I found out by pretending to be asleep and listening to conversations in the hall.) Nobody ever visited her so I asked if I could go into her room when I got up to take walks and I was allowed. I kinda liked her. I wasn’t in the room when she died, but I could hear stuff going on.

As a side note, there were two other people in the PICU when I was there, and I saw both of their obituaries in the paper within a month or so after I went home.

Along with my siblings, I was at my mother’s bedside for 15 hours straight the day we took her off life support. My brother and my niece took first watch at midnight, and so I left an hour before she died. That’s near enough. You face it because you must. You can’t just turn away.

In fact it is a privilege to be a part of someone’s last moments on earth. And it is also an opportunity to learn some things that may not come to you any other way.

no never. i dont think id be able to handle it. i think im the only person i know that doesnt know anyone who has died (thats close to me, like a sibling or a good friend). is that normal for age 17?

4 people actually
when I was a kid a guy had an accident in our street and died before the ambulance got there. It was not as shocking as you might expect, because I didn’t know the guy and I also didn’t know what to make of the whole thing. For us kids it was more of an exciting story to tell our friends as in “I was there too”.

My grandmother died when I was 14. She was 87 and just died of old age basically. I remember her heart had stopped and the doctor kept giving her electroshocks trying to revitalise her. I felt more sorry for the poor doctor, who started sweating and kept trying for about an hour, doing his best (he was a family friend and just wouldn’t give up on her). My father took the death badly, but I was quite cool about it, since she was so old.

My aunt died a couple of years after that and that was really uncomfortable. She kept coughing and breathing really heavily for several minutes. I ended up wishing it to just be over. It was a very uncanny feeling, I can’t really describe it. There was just nothing we could do but watch this person die.

A couple of months ago I passed the scene of an accident with my car. The road was blocked and I got out to see what was going on. I saw them pick up the body and take it away. I guess that doesn’t really count though as the guy was dead by the time I got there.

I drew the short straw in surgery to watch a DNR. It didn’t harm my psyche. It was just the last medical service I could provide for him. You develop a clinical reaction if you work in trauma.

@jamzzy It’s like hitting a bird while driving. Most people have done it but some people never do. Nothing normal or abnormal about it either way. I was 20 the 1st time I saw someone die. (And I’ve never hit a bird)

Oh and it doesn’t necessarily have to be someone close. Life will decide who & when for you. Coincidentally, death will decide the same for them.

There are a lot of ways to watch death happen. The hospital is probably my least favorite and is the main reason I’m a strong supporter of euthanasia & DNR’s.

ditto on the hospital and DNR

Some of us might not get ‘DNR.’

Do not resusitate.

@jamzzy, I was at least 25 before I went to my first funeral. Relatives who had died were not close. Don’t consider it odd. Consider yourself fortunate.

Here’s a piece of advice: attend the funeral of someone not too close to you—say, a friend’s grandfather, a natural death, not too tragic—before you have to deal with one that touches you heavily. That way you won’t be overwhelmed by the strangeness you feel and the proceedings, which vary greatly among groups and individuals but still have common elements, while you are also coping with your emotions.

@jeruba: very good advice.

I watched my grandmother die. It was a bad day in my life.

That always sucks. I’m sorry about your loss. Welcome to the collective.

@KingMalefic: WHEN. THE. CRAP. DID. THAT. HAPPEN.

I saw someone die in the tube station once, i was only about 10 and i still think about it sometimes. It’s hard to explain, it just makes you think about what you want to acomplish and it makes you feel delicate and vulnerable. It also makes you wonder if there is anything after life…