Would someone please tell me why I am doing this?

Well from the way you describe it your gf is bisexual. Or perhaps even a lesbian who has been used to having sex with you enough to like it. There’s not much you can do about the sex. If you don’t turn her on, then you don’t. It’s not your fault. She could be with Brad Pitt and have the exact same problem.

So yes, the way out seems to break up. I know you love her, but if this is not working for you it’s only going to get you depressed. And you must be pretty good in bed if she’s still even considering to have sex with you, so looking on the bright side, you could use that to get any girl you want! :)

So…time to move on my friend. Find a new girl, one that will appreciate you :)

Get ouuuuuuuuuuuuuttt. Seriously, this is not good for you.

This is a form of emotional abuse on her part. She is confused and incapable of having a normal relationship obviously. It is your life but my advice is get out!

If you feel like you’re being taken advantage of, that’s not healthy in any kind of relationship even if you’re getting teased with a little piece of ass.

Make the tough decision to move on. Delaying will only prolong and perpetuate the hurt.

i hope you are kidding about that last bit. the fact that you are having these thoughts would seem to indicate that you need to move out. this is not a good situation for you. from what you say it sounds like she is using you and it is crippling. this relationship is holding you back so get out now!

First of all, SUICIDE IS NOT THE ANSWER FOR ANYTHING. If this is something that you have considered, please, please, spend time with family members, friends, relatives, or all three and look for solutions that will benefit you the most because it is your life and it is very important.

The relationship is obviously in turmoil at this point and if a complete break-up isn’t the answer for you, maybe spending some time apart or at least sitting down and having a really serious heart to heart talk with your girlfriend will open up choices that will be the most healthy for both of you.

And remember THIS IS ONLY TEMPORARY. Once your out of the relationship you WILL move on. It always FEELS like the end of the world but it is NOT. In less than a year, less than a few months, you will have moved on.

I got stuck in a relationship with a chick one time that made me feel like shit. She had me wrapped around her finger. She made me feel like and told me that noone else could or would love me. For a while I believed her bullshit. She tried and almost succeeded in making me feel worthless. One day my grandpa who has been married 4 times sat me down and told me this. “Boy, why are you wasting your time?” ” All that woman does is make you feel like shit.” “You ain’t got to feel like shit.” “Kick that bitch to the curb.” “I promise you will find another they all come equipped the same.”

That was a turning point to me. I realized what he said was true. I’ve had a few relationships since then but nobody has treated me like a doormat since then.

Nothing to add to what others have said above except to remind you that many people care about you now, and others will learn to in the future. She’s been a part of your life, but it’s time for everyone to move on.

Good luck.

Ok, first just get the suicide thing right out of your head. No one is worth doing that to yourself over. No one. Ever. After some rest and reconnecting with friends things will look better.

Second, sex, even great sex, is never worth having someone mess with your head and your heart like that. You don’t have to think she’s an awful person. Maybe she’s really confused, too. That doesn’t mean you need to stick around and take it from her.

If she just doesn’t want to be with a guy then there’s nothing you can do about that. You need to be who you are, and she needs to be who she is. So, get your hot self on down the road and don’t look back. There will be someone in the future who will love you for you. You don’t want to miss out on the real thing because you’re chasing this confused drama.

Take care.

Maybe she’s just going through a phase. Give it some time and focus on the positive like the fact that you are helping another human and the dogs. That’s something to be proud of. You must have feelings for each other if you sleep together so try not to get too depressed. In a way you are lucky to have someone at all. If depression or suicidal thoughts persist, try seeing a doctor. You may need medication or therapy or both. Keep in touch here or with friends or at least talk to someone and remember, things can always be a lot worse. Good luck.

Oh, Loser. [hugs] Please don’t think those kinds of thoughts. You need to get yourself out of any situation that makes you feel this way. Fixing or even understanding the situation is secondary. First and foremost you need to be okay. You need to get out.

I know it’s tricky. It’d be easier not to care if she was just an outright bitch. But sometimes people who don’t know what they want can hurt you more because you don’t see it coming. Or you rationalize that they don’t mean to hurt you. It doesn’t matter what they do or do not mean to do, it still hurts just as much…if not more.

Yo-yoing you in and out while she tries to decide is cruel. Please get yourself out of this situation, Loser. I know you want to help her, but you can help a lot more if you’re in a better place. If you can’t bare the thought of ditching her (and her dig) with the rent, sleep on a friend’s couch.

Take care if yourself, Loser.
Always here if you need to talk.

Thanks everyone!

You know you have lots of friends and moral support here and some really good advice in all cases above. I’d just like to add that I helped a close relative of mine get out of a 23-plus year marriage and seeing her in that similar state of mind was difficult, but I think that the motivationg factor that empowered her to leave and get on her own was to finally realize that she could not change anyone (even her “life partner” of 23 years), but that the only person she could change was herself, and the clearest path to peace and gaining her sense of self-worth was to leave all that negative energy behind. Witnessing that (her gaining the will to leave and start anew) was a pretty awesome thing, but I saw firsthand what an almost immediate (positive) effect this had on my friend.

You have to want that for yourself, and realize that you’re worth that, and that selfishness is not a bad thing in this case.

Lastly, remember that all decisions in life have a cost, even the “non-decisions,” and that old adage that “the biggest risk in life is not taking one.”. Good luck-I think from what I’ve observed in the last months (here in Flutherland), that you’ve been making some remarkable progress toward self-improvement, and I wish you the best.

(p.s. Sorry for the extreme run-on in the first paragraph)

@loser: You deserve better – plain & simple. You are letting her issues, her garbage, become yours. I’m sure it’s terribly painful to be losing something/one you obviously care about. But be clear on this; you deserve better. She knows how you feel, and yet she continues to hurt you…but you’re giving her permission. You can’t deny her right to be happy but it should not come at your expense.

You are too bright and too strong for this. If she “can’t handle” being with you, tell her to handle a new place to live and her own dogs. You’ve got a life to get going on and she’s in your way.

Suicide isn’t your answer, finding some real peace is. Take care of yourself – you deserve it.

@loser You deserve better and will get better. It’ll hurt at first but enjoy the freedom and move on.

@loser

Gosh, get up, get out, start to live!

That is straight up abuse! No one should have to suffer this.

I don’t even buy the “want to be with a woman”, sounds like a lame excuse, if it’s not, even the more egoistic and cruel, and here you are worrying about her being strapped?

I know it’s hard, been there done that.

But really it’s toxic. Your drug of choice seems to be her, time for rehab, live a little and leave that behind. The way you describe the situation, don’t worry about her, she’ll find someone to use for rent in no time.

Pad on the back, friend, you can do it!

@loser: You’ve received some great advice above – not much I can add except the following:

• someone (whether you believe it or not) loves you and needs you. If you kill yourself you will be killing a piece if them as well.

• we need you here on Fluther as a vital member of the community. We would be crushed if you commited suicide.

• you have immense value simply by being. Do not take that for granted.

• suicide is selfish – plain and simple. You have proven here that you are anything but.

So, shut the fuck up about the suicide thing and leave this confused girl who is using you.

Say it RIGHT HERE – “I promise I will not kill myself!”

Jelly oath or I will find where you live and beat the living shit out of you.

For a moment there I thought you’d threaten to kill him ;)

Seriously man, I know how bad this sounds. I’ve tried to commit suicide a couple of times (apparently I’m indestructible). It only gets better. Right now you’re feeling bad because of the costant rejection by this one person, who for you is the world. But in reality there’s another 3+ BILLION girls out there, and I’m sure you can find at least a few million who’d love you just the way you are. I know you’re crazy about this particular girl right now, but I’ll bet my brand new guitar that in a few months’ time you’ll be coming here telling us how much in love you are with that new girl.

(ok my new guitar is not all that good, but I’m still pretty sure about the bet)

“Right now you’re feeling bad because of the costant rejection by this one person, who for you is the world.”

What @Jack79 says is very true. Getting away from her (physical if not emotional distance) will offer you some much needed perspective.

She is clearly not “the one” (if there even is such a thing).

@loser – Oh – I’m so sorry you are going through this, but believe me, suicide is not the answer.

Unfortunately, you are being taken advantage of, and like a lot of us, you are too kind and worry more about her situation, than protecting yourself. Somehow, we find it selfish to protect ourselves and our feelings and possibly risk someone else some pain. There are times were you have to draw the line. This is that time. If you feel that there is only one solution, and it’s suicide, it’s time to make a change.

You need to break up with this girl. She’s stringing you along, just enough to keep you thinking there is something there. I traveled this road in my first marriage. It doesn’t change, not when it’s like this. Like you, I felt very few solutions – what made it worse, I had a small child. He was selfish enough to string me along, I was too worried about his well-being and stayed, despite knowing it was the worst thing for me and my child. He was willing to stay like this, until he found someone to replace me. Then, he pointed out he couldn’t afford to move – well, neither could I, because he wiped me out, financially. When it finally came down to it, he stayed, I left – with my daughter. I walked out, child in my arms and $13.78 to my name – and a credit card.

It was so damn hard to do that, but I gotta say – within a month – I saw things in a a whole new light. I still wasn’t ok – but things were much more clear, than ever before. It took a lot of time, but it was worth it. I never realized what a toll it was taking on me, emotionally, mentally and even physically. It wears you down, so low, that there is just nothing worth it – even time with my daughter had changed. After we left, though, after that first (dreadful, but again, worth it!) month – each month improved a bit more.

I started working out, again. I had a decent job, I got back into being me. I started becoming a better parent and got stronger and stronger.

I won’t say there wasn’t pain and times when I thought about going back, but those times started getting few and far in-between. One day he did ask me to come back, for a split second, I thought about it and then said no.

When you make the split, it’s not pain free, but it will lead you to a point where the weight that you are carrying, will go away.

You deserve better from life, better from someone that you have a relationship with – this isn’t how someone treats you when they love you.

@loser – Please don’t hurt yourself! Call your parents or one of your really good friends and make other living arrangements ASAP. It’s for your own good. Leave her be to deal with her own stuff. The longer you stay, the more you’re letting her know that it’s all right to treat you badly when it’s NOT all right.

You may well need to get out of the relationship, but you also need to work through your feelings, and try to understand what happened with her.

Couples counselling can help with this. It can help you break up in a more mutual way, or with fewer unresolved feelings. It still won’t be easy, but it might make more sense. Of course, you won’t be able to do this if she isn’t interested. Then counselling for you might help.

All I’m saying is that you don’t have to do this alone.

GTFO, man. No one deserves to be treated that way. From what I know of you, you’re kind, caring, funny and compassionate. You won’t have any trouble finding love again.

She seems to have moved on, you’ll need to do that too at your on pace. But this isn’t healthy.
Good luck.

loser, you are being used find another girl.

Thanks again for all your help gang. I’m doing better today. I’m at work, I’m safe, I just had a 125 lb. Mastiff on me like she thinks she’s a lap dog, things are okay. I just need to do some thinking.

Run, Toto, Run!!!!!

@loser you look and sound like a lovely chap. you are very precious. don’t think i can add much more than everyone else had said here… apart from you are more than that which hurts you…

“seek spiritual riches within. what you are is much greater than anyone or anything else you have ever yearned for.” Paramahansa Yogananda