Am I being rash or does my bf really not care?

Singasong…. I think you should get out of this relationship really – like…NOW. The guy clearly isn’t as bothered about you as I personally think he should be (not wanting to speak to you every day? hmmm) More importantly it sounds like he’s not as bothered as you would like him to be. And after a year and half, I don’t think a relationship should be That much like hard work.

I also think that given the fact that he wasn’t that bothered when you posed the possibility of breaking up, I would imagine this is an indication that he doesn’t want to hang on to you. A man that loves you will want to find out how your day has been, will yearn for you, want to hold you, caress you, woo you, find out your dreams and aspirations, understand that you need more than quite frankly this guy is giving…

You should never forget what a precious soul you are and that you deserve the best and exactly what you want in a man. If that’s just fun and he fits that role, then fine, stick with it… but if you desire more than this and he aint bothered… get rid of him… get over it and get a new one girl!!!

Before I head off (ill be back within a few hours tho….) The main problem here is how much I love him….... breaking up with him would be traumatizing to my life and I honestly dont know how I would recover properly… thats why I feel so stuck…. I dont want to be with him if he doesnt truly and wholy love me, but I dont want to leave him because I am so attached to him…..

ugh, ok, gonna be late!

Sounds like he may be tired of trying to be the man you want him to be.
Ultimately, you have different ideas about what you are looking for in a relationship.

There’s nothing wrong with this, but if you want something that he isn’t offering then you either need to learn to go without, or find someone who will provide you with what you are looking for rather than trying to change him.

Sooooo many people (including me) have been through the horrible situation you’re describing – dare I say ‘unrequited love’? It’s horrible, and although if you’re honest with yourself you already know the answer to your question – you cannot bear the reality. Truth is, although it doesn’t feel like it now, breaking up is the best thing you can do – for you. And I know you’ve already heard it and probably don’t believe it – you WILL get over him. And one day look back and see the complete sense of your decision. Trust me.

Your happieness comes from your self, not from him or anyone else. Come to be at pease with your self and don’t put the onus on him.

You seem to want him to be someone he’s not, and it seems like you are at least as much in love with who you think he might be if you could only change him as you are in love with him for who he is.

If you’re thinking about breaking up now, and he seems okay with that, then that seems to answer the question quite unambiguously. Break up, get over him, and find a man who is closer to what you want.

You seems to be very needy. Often, a partner’s reaction to that is to pull away.

1. You don’t accept the words of love he gives you.

2. You want things from him he is not willing or able to give.

I think you need to get out of this relationship and/or do some serious work on yourself.

I think our biggest problem is that we both have differing definitions on love. Based on his definition, he would say he loves me, but he told me that based on my definition, he doesn’t. So this is what confuses him. He than says “I don’t know what love is anymore”. Our differing definitions of love is tearing us apart. So, based on our own definitions, we love each other. Now that’s difficult and confusing!

Perhaps some work does need to be done on me…. I just dont know. Who is wrong here? Am I wrong? Is my definition of love flawed? Or is his? Or is both of ours? We need to come to a meeting point, but that has got to be the most difficult thing for both of us to do….

So either way you feel like you are “without him,” right? So why not choose the option that lets you get on with your life and perhaps find someone that truly cares for you, respects you & wants to be with you? The loneliest I’ve ever felt was when I was in a relationship with a person who couldn’t make up her mind if she wanted to be with me or not. Do yourself a favor—wish him luck and move on.

And nobody is right or wrong—just two different people with different desires.

Tell yourself you deserve what you want. Trust your inner voice. tb1570 offers some wise words.

“breaking up with him would be traumatizing to my life and I honestly dont know how I would recover properly”

@singasong: Staying with him because you are afraid of how you’ll feel if you break up isn’t fair to him, and it’s not fair to you. You know how unsatisfied you feel right now? That’s not going to get any better. I know it’s hard, but you deserve to be satisfied.

I just went through the same thing, and it is difficult, but you’ll thank yourself much sooner than you think.

Sounds like a normal, healthy relationship to me. You start off with all the excitement and high expectations, and after a while that goes away, your hormones settle down and the routine kicks in.

I had a wonderful relationship with a girl for 3 years but eventually ended up where you are: thinking of her as my little sister or something. The sex (which was what had brought us together) became more and more rare until it practically stopped. And we wanted different things from life. So eventually she found someone else, and I never blamed her for it. We’ve been good friends since.

It is obvious that your boyfriend does not want the same things out of this relationship as you do, and it is therefore only a question of time before one of you calls it off. It’s nobody’s fault, it’s just that the passion has left and you’re obviously not old enough to be moving onto the next step, thinking of marriage and stuff.

On the good side, you should actually be proud of yourselves for making it last that long. You can use this experience in the future, and I’m sure you’ll both have stable and meaningful relationships and eventually hook up with the right person when your time comes.

Thank you all for the insightful input. I’ve been reading it all and considering deeply each persons opinions and thoughts…. but something does bother me…

It’s the fact that no one is telling me to try and make it work. I have noticed how a lot of people are telling me to just let him go and move on…. and of course, since every one is saying it, it makes me feel that it must be right. The majority is suppose to win, right?... Hmmm, i’m honestly not that sure… Mizuki’s response has to be the one I like the most….

I consider breaking up with him because I feel like we are getting no where, and he does because he thinks I am un happy with him…. but deep down inside that’s not what we want… so we feel sort of stuck… more me than him though. I’m naturally an emotional wreck…. and he thinks he is doing nothing wrong. We have so many different opinions on things X_x

Anyway, still more think about and I do appreciate all the answers. Sometimes, I feel that seeing other peoples opinions on something helps one to gain more insight into it than if they were sit and think alone…

Some people need some personal space, but if he wants to have a long term relationship with you he should be willing to talk to you daily (unless he has a job or something that doesn’t allow this). Sometimes it’s beneficial to not see each other for a week and then to see how you feel while you’re apart. Maybe when you see each other again after that you will remember why you got together in the first place. The best way to do that is for someone to go on a trip…not to remain in the same town (or house) and pretend you’re not there.

I don’t think breaking up is the right answer based on what you’ve mentioned here. I’m not saying it’s the wrong answer…but I think relationships are a lot more complicated than people on fluther would lead you to believe. The worst case would be that you break up for essentially no reason and then wish that you hadn’t later. It’s better to be sure.

Oh…and another thing. Try talking to him about it. I had a longterm girlfriend that I wasn’t sure about…I was anxious about the relationship because I thought I needed to hide my real feelings (that maybe I didn’t want to stay together). But when we talked about it she had the same feelings. After that, we got a long a lot better. We ended up breaking up, but it happened naturally and the pressure to pretend we were in love was off. It was definitely the best choice to talk about it.

Good luck!

@singasong: It sounds to me like you’re not getting what you need out of this relationship. In a case like that “make it work” translates either to changing yourself so your needs are different or changing him so that he fills your needs better. The former is a lot of work—considerably more work than getting over breaking up with him would be—and the latter is doomed to failure.

The three basic questions to ask yourself here: Are you getting what you need out of this relationship? (It sounds like the answer to that one is no.) Is it possible for you to get what you need out of this relationship? Who will need to change, or to put in extra effort, so that you get what you need out of this relationship?

Think about this: Do you love him for who he is right now, what he is able to give to the relationship at this very moment? Or are you loving his ‘potential’ and what you believe he is capable of? If you are unhappy with the current situation, you’ve voiced it, and he is unmoved by what you have said, it is unlikely to improve. Relationships should not be constant work. Of course, there is compromise involved when you don’t meet eye-to-eye on an issue. But if you are continually dissatisfied and feel like you two are unable to find a middle-ground, that is a problem. Only you can weigh the situation. But don’t stay with someone out of fear of being alone. You are potentially cutting yourself off from other, much more satisfying relationships.

A relationship isn’t completely about love, but it is also about compatibility. Just because you are in love with someone doesn’t mean you are compatible and vice versa.

If this guy really wants to be with you, than he should be able to make the changes you are asking for. Do I think that’s that difficult? No. Do I think lowering your standards is? Yes. If he says that he wants to still be with you, than perhaps he is just confused, but a lot of the time confused men need a kick in the behind and they won’t realize their being idiots until it seems like they really might lose you.

I personally can’t tell you to break up with him or not, but no matter what, you are young and you will heal.

well if you are not happy with what is going on than you really know what you have to do right? And the way you say he doesn’t care weather or not you two are togeather or not well that is your answer as well. and trust me it is better to be unhappy apart than to be unhappy together.

Break up with him;
very simple

When you love someone, let him go. If he comes back, he was always yours and if he doesn’t, he never was.
Remember that-