Can you explain this behavior?

Nik. This happened to me once in my single days. He not only did it mid-date, he did it mid-lovemaking! This was after him chasing me for months.

I finally dragged the reason out of him. (“Come on, you jerk, you OWE me the truth here.) Turns out I was a rebound girl. He was in love with a woman who had dumped him.

I’d like to add that I do think guys are often confused about how they feel.

Sometimes guys love the chase, but don’t really know what to do when they capture what they are chasing.

Could it be a getting-to-know-you thing? Like, they think they are interested in you, but they they find out you really aren’t who they thought you were? Like they don’t like some point of view you have, or some activity you engage in?

I really don’t know since I don’t believe I’ve ever done this. If I was interested in someone, I was generally interested in them until they blew me off.

@Darwin Yeah, like when my dog finally caught the squirrel, which then promptly bit him on the cheek. Boy, did he look surprised!

A lot of guys live for the thrill of the Chase and they’re lost when the chase is over. Like a dog trying to chase something that won’t run, it just confuses them.

Another possibility is the guy has commitment issues.

Anyone who does this, you’re better off without anyway.

There was a Yes song with the lyrics ” it’s not the kill- it’s the thrill of the chase…”

I think that a lot of people fall in love with their ‘idea’ of the other person. They find a way to idealize their partner and strip them of human flaws in the beginning. I’ve seen people obsessively pursue and claim to love their new interest almost immediately, acting out of a rash intensity and surface attraction. They haven’t built a foundation on which to truly love the other person. And a structure built without a solid foundation will collapse. Once they come to know the person as having human qualities and weaknesses and idiosyncrasies, the model of that ideal person who they’ve built up in their head comes crashing down and they inevitably lose attraction.

So the consensus is ===He’s a guy, It’s true that girls think they want to date someone and find out otherwise, but you have to be a total social boob to say so mid date. Whatever happened to taking her home, shaking her hand and saying Thank you for the nice evening. That way everyone knows nothing is going to happen and nobody is made to look like a fool.

all of the above

guy may just like the chase and not the kill (I’m not like that, but I know some people who are).

guy may have idealised the girl, only to find out she’s not as great as he thought, thus losing interest

guy may have eventually discovered (while dating) that this girl is simply not what he wanted

a reason not mentioned above: guy may have pursued other girls in the meantime, and went for the easiest catch. So he’s just announcing to your friend that he’s ok now, won’t be needing her after all.

friend did something particularly stupid during the date that she did not notice

guy is a psycho and doesn’t know what he wants

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The only experience I have had remotely close to this (and yes, it was mid-lovemaking for me too) was when I was trying to make things work with an ex. Many years had passed and we were different people. Objectively, she was a lot better than the first time round. She’d lost weight, got rid of the glasses and fixed her messy hair. She had flair, which she’d lacked as a teenager. And she was still a wonderful and loving person. So I gave it a go, and I really tried hard to make it work. I guess I was sending her signals that everything was going to be ok with us. But inside me it did not feel right. And when we eventually ended up having sex, I just couldn’t do it. Again, she was great in bed objectively speaking, just not for me. It was the only time in my life when I just wanted it to be over. I hated it. I tried to break it to her as smoothly as possible after that, but I guess from her point of view I may have sounded like a jerk who doesn’t know what he wants.

Sounds to me like a sudden realization or shift in feelings. Sometimes guys are going with an idea and then it gets dispelled by experience. Or they encounter something that’s a deal-breaker for them. Then, as galileogirl suggested, they may be insensitive and discourteous (or startled themselves) about communicating the shift.

“Are we all incapable of reading signals?”
– No, but we’re all capable of misreading signals. However I do not think that’s a likely explanation for the series of events you related.

“Are we seeing what we want to see?”
– Maybe but that seems like overthinking in this case.

“Are these dudes themselves confused about how they feel?”
– Probably. That described me pretty well a few times. Only after seeing someone for a while though, and I did communicate it. But, I’m atypically communicative. Lots of guys seem uncomfortable talking about feelings and jump to breaking things off. Seems to me women do this too. In fact, I seem to remember asking a question this suddenly reminds me of .

“Are these guys put off by the girls being really into them?”
– No, but maybe in some cases, by feeling like they may be responsible for hurting someone. I’ve had that happen – I become concerned that the woman will get hurt if we break up and so if I think it looks like it won’t last, bow out.

“Did we all make some kind of unforgivable mistake mid-date, like being horrible kissers or chewing with our mouth open or something?”
– Maybe, though those specific examples don’t sound like top ten male concerns.

“What am I missing?”
– Men are often really bad communicators about emotions and love issues, and also often out of touch with their authentic needs around commitment and attachment.

@Jack79 You told her mid-coitus that you really weren’t that into her? LMAO!!! Dude, the least you could have done was make up a story about an old war wound. If you aren’t faster on your er….feet, I don’t see a great success with ladies in your future.

LOL no! Of course not! The poor girl had been madly in love with me for 17 years! I continued dating her for a while, but avoided sex. But of course what sort of relationship would that be? She sort of guessed it, and I tried to explain. To cut a long story short, I helped her get me out of her system and we both saw that this could not work. She is now happily married with someone else and actually called me last week. I usually call her on her birthday every year.

@Darwin what is it about the chase but not the kill that men like so much do you think?

Probably because the chase is silent, for the most part.

@lynneblundell – probably the adrenalin rush for the most basic of guys, and the array of possible futures for the more philosophical.

@Darwin I had a dog like that. We finally had him neutered. Just a suggestion.

@evelyns_pet_zebra – Since they won’t allow castration for rapists I very much doubt that you could validly suggest neutering horny guys just because they like multiple partners or one night stands. Unfortunately for dogs, they have a different standing in the eyes of the law which allows someone to do that.

interesting story you got there

It’s the chase. It’s usually the chase…the thrill of it, the adrenalin of it, the strategy of it, the feeling of conquest at the end of it. (Sounds like a commercial for ABC Sports, huh? Well to some men, it is…a sport.)

If you get a chaser, hold on to your hat. The minute you give him your heart, he’s off chasing someone else. You won’t know what hit you. The problem is that he has his schtick so honed that it’s difficult to know if you do have a “chaser” or a “champ”. Chasers never, ever stop being chasers. It’s something in their DNA. You can see chasers at old age homes….they are the flirts who are talking to one old lady and looking at the next one going by on her zimmer frame.

The best way to suss out a chaser is to ask about their past relationships and figure out how long they lasted….if they have a lot of relationships and/or “dated her for two weeks” and “we didn’t work out”...and most of their relationships only last a few weeks or a few months…that would probably be a chaser. Some chasers are so incredibly deft at the seduction that you won’t know until you wake up one morning (probably a day or two after professing your undying love) and there is a post-it note by his Count Chocula cereal asking you to leave the keys when you exit. It isn’t you, it’s him, he apologizes. (Uh…oh yeah…it’s HIM alright.)

Not all guys are chasers…I’ve known a few good guys that really want to have a committed relationship and a monogamous marriage. And by the way, from experience, be wary of salesmen of any type, especially if they are really good at their job. Their whole world is built on “the chase” and when they conquer you, and close the deal, it’s pretty much over. (I’m not talking about someone at Best Buy who is holding down a summer job….I’m talking about career salesmen or exec salesmen.)

I am guessing that in 75 percent of these cases…it’s the chase. Women are available and a lot of times, just too vulnerable…and yes, we turn a blind eye to the obvious.

Might be that he was just feeling insecure in his attractiveness and just wanted to
“see if” he could bait someones interest.
Most interesting behaviour that I had personally observed was that the more that I showed no interest ,the harder the men persued me?
I was at a stage where I was doing damage control, where I was nuturing myself and searching for a more independant lifestyle where I decided for myself what was important to persue in life, for more meaning in my life )
Whether to persue a Career,where I wanted to live,how I wanted the next years of my life to proceed and in what direction etc).