Despite the name I am a 29 year old woman.
With chivalry women give up a little bit. When a man feels he must open every door for you and such it seems to help him put the woman into the category of “woman” which can carry with it all kinds of negative ideas such as hysterical, emotional, nonsensical, less intelligent, needs my protection, and more. It can serve as a go ahead to treat her like a silly woman without a thought in her pretty little head. I see this in older men especially. We’re only like one generation from the time when women were truly thought to have puny ineffective brains. How many people out there still think that I wonder.
Also, it leaves an imbalace in a relationship between a man and a woman. All night he’s giving her little gifts of open doors and pulled out chairs and such. What is she giving in return?
It’s like Christmas day and she’s giving him a pack of gum and he’s giving her a DVD player. He may not expect anything more, but she might feel strange about it. Or he might expect more.
Many guys act funny if the girl holds the door for him.
Also, do you know how awkward it is to be with a guy who really wants to open your car door for you? It’s sweet, but I don’t wear slippery shoes and dresses to trip me so I don’t need help to get in or out of the car. And I feel like a jerk waiting for him to come open a door I can open myself. If I open it myself there’s often the “I would’ve gotten it for you.” comment.
Chivalry isn’t really dead it’s just undergoing a painful change. Seems to me that since women no longer need men to do most of those things that were once considered chivalrous, perhaps some new chivalry could be in order. I think it’s chivalrous when a man does dishes. It’s thoughtful. It’s something I can and will do, but that I don’t want to do. He is choosing to burden himself with an undesireable task for my benefit.
I was with a couple and we were walking at a national park. They walked through mud and it stuck to the bottom of our shoes. He grabbed a twig and carried it until we got back to the car. He then opened the door and asked her to sit, took her shoes and cleaned the mud off. He foresaw a need and took the opportunity to fill it. That is chivalry.
I cleaned mine off on grass, but she wasn’t the sort who walked through mud often and he knew she would be unable to help herself in this area.
Perhaps couples should talk about this so no one feels weird about it. I’d hate to be a guy tryign to figure out whether I shuld open the door or not, wondering if his girl is angry about it. But it sucks to be a girl trying to be girly enough to be attractive and not scare a guy off, but trying to maintain her own feeling of self worth. It doesn’t need to be this complicated, but it is.