Think your family is Crazy? Why?

LOL

I’m a New England Puritan Jew. My family made me and my siblings thus. Need I say more?

@mjchatter That is hilarious.

Do in-laws count? My mother-in-law is very weird. She was mad at my husband’s brother during a visit and said to him, “Sonname, I thought you mighte like some cold fish for breakfast. When my husband and I got up, she fixed us bacon and eggs!

My father-in-law (I am sure with her help and support) once wrote my husband a letter offering to pay for him to divorce me so he could come back and live with them. My husband was so furious, he cut off communication with them for more than a year. At that point, ignoring the fact that the original communication was in writing and we knew exactly what had been written, they said it was all a misunderstanding.

They used to announce that they were coming to visit us on such and such a date and had tickets without ever asking if it was convenient or planning it with us. In the early days, they once stayed ten interminably long days.

The last time either my husband or I agreed to get in a car with one of them behind the wheel, we came up a gentle rise in the road, and his mother stopped the car dead in the road and exclaimed, “Look, husbandname, the road disappeared.” My husband, practically frothing at the mouth, yelled, “No, it didn’t. Drive the car, Mom, before someone hits us.”

GQ for such an awesome family story. hahahhaha. that made my morning.

Every year our family gathers at my parents house on Christmas Eve. My father dresses as one of Santa’s helpers and my mother sets out clues for everyone to guess who he’ll be. If you guess right, you win $20.
He has dressed as Mrs. Claus, baby New Year, hillbilly Santa, Mexican Santa, and rudolph to name a few. One year, my husband took over and dressed as the Easter bunny, passing out presents for Santa. When we left my parents house, we stopped at a gas station for beer. There’s blondesjon, dressed as the Easter bunny on Christmas Eve, buying beer. priceless

The guy at the costume shop said we were the first people to ever rent a bunny costume for Christmas.

My crazy-family stories aren’t funny.

The older I get, the more I realize there are NO normal families. Everyone is a little cuckoo, right? My reasoning for this: At the base of it all, you can’t forget that humans are ANIMALS. We are highly evolved, intelligent animals. And the way modern society is constructed, it’s no wonder we are all crazy. In the animal world, you live under your parents until you are old enough to fuck off on your own. No family holidays. No pressure to visit home every time something significant happens. (I suppose pack animals are an exception…)
We are quit a conundrum, human beings.

My family all think they are going to Heaven when they die. That’s damn funny in my book. Even if Heaven was real, God wouldn’t want the likes of them up there.

My daughter used to complain about how dysfunctional our family was and was so jealous of her boyfriends family because they were so “Normal.” One summer she spent a week with them. She never complained about our families dysfunction again.

I know some of mine are from the meds they’re on. Oh, and the forgetting you were pregnant and had a child thing, of course.

@susanc – Yeah, mine aren’t neither.

@susanc Lurve. (If you read mine above, it’s crazy, OK, but not funny. I hear you.

Since I wrote “My crazy-family stories aren’t funny”, I remembered that one spur of my family – the Southern spur – always made all the family crazinesses into stories that WERE funny, and hung onto those stories for dear life.
Once I was sitting at the dining room table in my second-cousin-once-removed Junius’s house in Ivy, Virginia – a house I was born in, sold to Junius by my grandparents – listening once again to the story about “Cousin Lucy who ran off with the Yankee”. Everyone was laughing to beat the band even though we’d all heard this story fifty times.
Suddenly I had a realization and said, “Wait a minute, I’m a Yankee myself, how come
this was such a big deal?” They all looked at me with love, and then Junius said, “Well,
Cud’n Sued’n, Cud’n Lucy ran off with the Yankee during the War Between the States.”
Mind you, I’d never met Cousin Lucy, but I certainly thought she was alive. Otherwise why gossip about her? But this is how these people handled pain.
I’d say it was right smart of them.

Prowler gets owner in trouble

DEARBORN HEIGHTS — A resident in the 24000 block of Hopkins was upset because a prowler came onto her property about 5 p.m. Monday.

The 51-year-old woman called police because her neighbor’s cat walked onto her property. The woman told police it wasn’t actually the cat that upset her, but the cat’s owner, who came onto her property to get the cat despite having been advised several times not to enter her property. Police reported that this incident was part of a series of problems with the two neighbors.

That “51 year old woman” is my mom (now older). She and her neighbor have been warring for years. And that’s just the documented crazy!

I have a series of stories that I look to for humor and to demonstrate family insanity….

The first set are from at time that I like to call “The Summer My Mother Tried to Kill Me”

It was a summer in Nevada visiting my Grandfather and my mother kept doing things that were clearly not in my best interest.
1) Volunteering me to ride in a car with my lunatic aunt who has a drinking problem and talks with her hands….I was terrified the entire ride…especially when, mid story, she turned to look at me and used BOTH hands to demonstrate the size of something.
2) Dropping me into a river while we were posing for a picture – not insanity, but added to the summer’s theme.
3) Volunteering me to ride home with my grandfather on our last night there….The fact that it was our last night meant that he had consumed even more alcohol than usual…I was doing fine until he started complaining about the guy riding his ass – there wasn’t anyone behind us.

My next “my family is insane story” is something that is normal to me, but clearly makes my family life seem abnormal. While complaining about living with my step-father someone inquired as to whether he was the man with my mom at a school event…My response was “Oh no. That was my mom’s boyfriend…he’s good”...I was ready to continue with my previous story when I noticed the confused look on my companions face: “Your mom’s BOYFRIEND?”...“Yes…?”....“But you live with your…stepfather?”....“Yes…?”....“So your mom’s married?”...“Yah…” Apparently this ISN’T a normal exchange. – Then again…neither is calling a number from my mom’s phone thinking it’s a family friend only to get a strange man’s voice mail…mum’s response “That wasn’t Uncle Greg’s number??? Really??? Huh…I wonder…hmm….I don’t know who that is then…” -

Several of my family members are certifiably nuts, and not in a good way. I no longer talk to them.