How would you interact with my grandmother?

I have a 94 yr old mother with dementia. Forget about trying to change her memories or her condition. Let her talk about anything she needs to. She will drift further and further from reality; I hope that doesn’t upset you.

Today my mother told us that someone does not want her to take showers. So we are scheduling one a week on her calendar; either my sister or I will call her that AM and remind her. She has also started to forget about having her toe nails cut, so we will get that scheduled also. It is sad, so do your exercises, check the daily crossword puzzle and watch what you eat.

I think it would be kindest to simply let her tell her stories.

Correcting her may be confusing for her or cause her shame.

I would respond with positive, non commital statements such as, “Well that sounds like fun”, or “That must be wonderful”.

Beyond that, as long as these stories provide her comfort or a smile, let it go.

Dimentia is much harder on the family – I’m sorry you have to go through this.

We benefited enormously from Joanne Koenig Coste’s “Learning to speak Alzheimer’s.”
It covers this issue, among many others. As cprevite says, you want to keep her anxiety level as low as possible.

Alzheimer’s and Dementia symptoms often overlap. My sister and I shift into neutral and have NO expectations when we visit. Since we are nearby, we keep the visits very short, but one of us drops in every week.

Just let her talk. My grandmother is 92 and still quite lucid but her stories, even though they are true, are really good and I can listen to her for hours. A good story is entertaining if it’s true or not.

It does not good to correct, anyway. They’ll forget soon. Just enjoy the stories the same way you might enjoy any fantastic story. Think of it as a window onto the way a mind works, and be grateful for that. She is a person undergoing a personality change. You know what that’s like. Only hers is irreversable. It’s a difficult journey, at least in moments of lucidity. Probably enormously frustrating. Some people deal with frustration by getting angry and acting out. I don’t think that’s the most pleasnt way to spend your last years.

If you play her game, then she might think it’s kind of normal. Maybe she’ll even let you play, too. It’s not really your Grandmother any more. But it is someone, and a loveable person, too. She appreciates the company, probably even if she says she doesn’t. Who doesn’t like to be doted on?

Why not just listen to her stories? She’s 91! That’s horrifically old.

Reality is highly overrated. Appreciate her while she is still here.

I think I would just enjoy the stories :)

@Vinifera7: 91 is not horrifically old if you are 94.

My Nephew and my Sister own a company that manges Alzheimers facilities. They have a motto “Creating environments where moments of joy,
independence and wellness are the focus each and every day.”
My sister explained to me that even when people are not lucid and may not remember, their goal is to “create a moment.” So, if in that moment, your grandmother is experiencing joy, I say embrace it!”