How bad is it to date someone that you only kind of like while you "wait" for someone better to come along?

Pretty bad. It sounds like the person committing said crime feels like he needs to be in a relationship all the time and cannot go without a partner.

That’s what dating is. It’s nothing to feel bad about.

Dating, as I understand it, is testing whether or not you like someone enough to be there partner. And, in this case, the person already knows he only “kind of like” the other….

Its more common than you think, I’m still waiting for Catherine Zeta Jones to wait on me.

I don’t think so, as long as you are honest about things and let the person know where they stand.
By this, I don’t mean let them know you are ‘waiting for something better.’ Simply don’t say things you don’t mean or have no intention of following through with.

i don’t know about “bad” or “good”, but i don’t think it’s a very successful strategy. how can you meet anyone better if you’re always going places with this person you don’t even like that much? and if you do meet someone you’re interested in, is that how you want to start the relationship, by saying, “oh, i came here with that other guy, but i’ll just dump him and leave with you now…”.

You keep our chances up wit women plus you gain experience. idk if i should say this with my past inquiries, as well as the fact that im 16. Women are fickle.Chicks 101. Sorry ladies X/.

I think most people are subconsciously looking for a better deal if it comes along.

@invic – 16 year olds are fickle. sorry, 16 year olds. :-P
(it’s a joke! don’t take it the wrong way! it’s kinda true though, huh?)

If done while being honest about intentions with person you are with it is not bad…
But how do you know the “right one” will not see you then pass you by because you appeared to be “with” another?

@La_chica_gomela , you have a point there lady. Hmpth… adolescents… so sad.. ahahah. Nah.

@La_chica_gomela How very true. Unfortunately, they are no better in college… at least where I am from…

I think it’s bad to date someone while still “looking” if the other person REALLY likes you and wants to make it a committed relationship. That’s not right then, and not fair to them.
However, if it’s just a casual thing and both parties are fairly non-committal and are on the same page in terms of the future, then it’s okay.

Personally though, I think it’s best to stay single when you are actively “looking”. It makes you more available and really, dating someone you don’t really like is kind of a waste of time.

@seekingwolf Damn. You got that on the spot. Right on…. Damn. This is priceless

horrible, dishonest, potentially hurtful, resentable

Just don’t ask when it goes the other way. I will laugh.

Dating is not a trial marriage. It is good to get to know a lot of people while you find out how to handle a relationship and what traits are important to you in a partner. Young people used to be encouraged to date around and not get down to any form of monogamy until they were pretty serious. I don’t know where the idea came from that if you date more than one person, you’re cheating.

Besides, looking like you’re in demand has to make you a more attractive prospect than sitting around by your lonesome waiting for Mr. Right to show up.

to simplify the whole thing, would you want it done to yourself?

There’s nothing wrong with casual dating, but are you referring to dating, or to being a pseudo “couple” with someone you aren’t too crazy about while you wait for someone better to come along? The latter isn’t cool, and could be a turn off to that “better” person when they come along (seeing you use someone just to avoid being “single”). It can be very healthy to take time to be single, browse around a bit to see what your options are and to really learn who you are as an individual, not just as part of a couple.

Bad, bad, bad.

. very bad. Disrespects the feels of the one you will dump when you think you’ve found a better deal.
How would you like to be dumped?

Dating’s fine. Sleeping with that person when you have no intention of any sort of commitment, not good, unless that’s agreed upon, not a good idea. Think of it this way: you go to a party together, and you do meet someone “better.” They ask you about the person you came with, and you say. “That’s just___. I’m just f@cking her/him until someone better like you comes along.” It’s far better to just be able to say, “We’re just friends” without having it be a lie.

I think it’s fine so long as the person you’re dating understands you are not being exclusive.

I have to complain again. When did “dating” come to mean exclusivity? In my day, that was “going steady.” Dating meant seeing multiple people for dates.

Of course, I skipped the dating thing entirely. Too fraught with drama for me.

@daloon, I agree. It doesn’t seem to be that way any more. And guys can’t even talk to girls without being accused of hitting on them. Nobody seems to flirt anymore either; it’s interpreted as “coming on to” a guy.

@Jeruba – I’ll bet when people started expecting to sleep with their dates that the idea of seeing other people became “cheating”. Sex always throws a spanner into the works. I agree that for most people, if they’re just dating and haven’t made any commitments to being exclusive, then there shouldn’t be any sex. It just gets too messy. I’m witnessing this now with a guy I know in an FWB, and he thought he could handle it, but the girl seems to have gotten ‘oxytocin poisoning’ and it’s making things awkward.

@daloon – Your point about “dating” is exactly why I was asking for clarification about the questioner’s idea of “dating”. Unfortunately, the term is used interchangeably for casual dating and for going steady nowadays, or it certainly seems to be.

simplified even more:

If you have a nice f**kbuddy don’t make him/her believe you’re dating :)

Problem solved

@aprilsimnel, I think you may have it there. If “dating” doesn’t really mean dating and instead means f***ing, a whole other set of rules and expectations applies. I know bobbysoxers in ponytails don’t go to the soda shoppe any more, but I do think much of value has been lost in the name of instant gratification.

FWB?

@Jeruba – F riends W ith B enefits – To me, it’s like a regular relationship, but without the deep emotional trappings. You hang out sometimes, you sleep together sometimes, but you’re not in love or anything like that. You know each other and “scratch the itch” together every so often. But if either person finds someone they really want, the other person is supposed to be able to let the sex end abruptly and be cool with it, because that’s your friend, right? A lot of times it doesn’t work because one party starts to develop feelings for the other and that’s when it gets messy.

I could never do this. I’m not wired that way. But I saw that quite a bit of these types of relationships in college, there just wasn’t a name for them then.

Ah, ok. I know the term, but it’s not part of my working vocabulary. I need some contextual help. Thanks for explaining. I had such a friend back in my early twenties. We actually tried to fall in love but just couldn’t manage it. Many a lover came and went through those years, but we remained friends and are still friends to this day, decades later (and there haven’t been any “benefits” since long before either of us was married.). That’s pretty rare, though.

You are so right about the spanner. It is too bad so many young people have to learn that lesson in a hard and painful way. As someone said, “You can’t un-f**k ‘em.”

Bad. That seems like you are desparate. And saying that the boy/girl may actually really like you, it is almost like using.

I’d rather be alone.