Does anyone know the exact safety spiel the airline crew gives before takeoff?

I’m pretty sure it varies somewhat from airline to airline. Are you looking for a specific airline’s spiel?

Uh-oh. Is this some kind of kinky sex thing?

It’s for art! Art!

Any airline’s version is fine.

I found a generic recording of a pre-flight safety announcement, as well as ones for Quantas and Air Canada (in both French and English) on the the Freesound Project. I hope this helps.

If this is for Art, whoever he is, how about inventing the spiel that* should* be given.

“Good morning; this is your captain. I am underslept and had a few beers last night. There will be a delay of 1 hr because my seat is broken, another 2 hours because of delays on runway, several more because flight attendant is stuck in traffic somewhere w/o any cell towers.

You will not be fed or watered or allowed off the plane, the aisles are too narrow to exercise in case you are worried about blood clots in legs, the recirculated air is worse than usual, and I wouldn’t bet that the toilets are working any too well.

Due to hurricanes, tornadoes, and unseasonal weather of all kinds at the hubs, I can guarantee that you will miss your connection and that your luggage will end up on Pitcairn Island.

Have a nice flight and enjoy the friendly skies of <insert any airline here>.”

I love any reference to Pitcairn Island!

@seqdeha – you should read “Collapse” by Jared Diamond (if you haven’t already) – there is a whole chapter on Pitcairn!

Oh and to actually answer the question – Kate Hudson in “Almost Famous” has a whole flight attendant spiel she gives a couple times. (It may not be SO helpful, but it’s a good excuse to watch that movie again and enjoy the lovely Kate.)

Thanks, @christybird, I’ll check it out!

gailcalled – I could (and probably will) make up my own version. However, I like to know where the exact truth is before I embark into fiction.

christybird – thanks for letting me know a place to get it.

But, still wondering if any flight crew out there actually knows the words.

If I remember correctly, DeLillo’s play Valparaiso has a version in it.

@finkelitis; I thought that sferik had found the info for you, but I can’t open the links. Try googling preflight safety speech and you will find dozens of hits of basically Comedy Central. Apparently every comic and would-be comic on the planet has parodied the speech, for better or worse.

Have a friend take notes the next time he flies. Ånd I am not sure that there is any exact truth. The speech varies, I am sure.

my friend is flying this Friday (19th) if you want to wait that long

I’m actually flying this friday too. Hopefully on an airline that does the talk live rather than taped. I’ll have my pen out. If anyone else gets it, let me know.

http://www.airodyssey.net/reference/inflight.html#safety

GO THERE AND YOU WILL SEE IT

Thanks PrincessLucy. Exactly what I was looking for.

I’m flattered to see a link to my website! Please note that the URL for the announcements has changed. It’s now http://airodyssey.net/reference/inflight/