Has anyone here ever gotten in touch with their biological father after never knowing him?

I did. He and my mother had a one night stand when she was 18 years old. He knew she got pregnant,and offered to pay for an abortion. When she refused that option, he denied he was the father. She was always honest about it, and even told me his name.

When I was eighteen, I tracked him down and sent him a letter. At first, he didn’t want to meet me, but I insisted. I told him if he didn’t meet me voluntarily, I’d show up at his front door. I didn’t want anything from him, just background information and such. We met for lunch, and 4 hours later we were both crying, happily.

The next week, his wife invited me to their home for dinner, where I met my half-brother. We all became friends, if not exactly family. He got to hold his first grandchild (my first daughter) before he died at 52 years of age. I have never regretted taking the steps to find him.

Now, your situation sounds a little different. If he was an anonymous sperm donor, he may well not feel the same way as my father (eventually) did about being found. Also, my father told me that if I’d contacted him 5 years earlier, he would have told me to fuck off. He had changed a lot by the time I found him. Tread carefully, and protect your heart.

Aren’t there laws to prevent the doctor or anyone there to give that sort of information out? Life confidentiality to the sperm donor?

@RandomMrAdam Very interesting regarding sperm donors. In England they are now having a shortage of donors because in 2005 they reversed the confidentiality laws.

Here is another interesting article from the US side.

I have a lot of experience with this, since I come from such a horribly screwed-up family. My biological brother tracked down my biological father – 18 years after he abandoned us and with very, very bad results. Also, two years ago, from out of nowhere, I found out that my biological mother had given up a baby for adoption in 1969 when he tracked all of us down. The outcome on this was mixed for him too, but he went through a lot of therapy during and after the event, to make sure he kept a handle on it.

I’m not discouraging it at all, just go into this search knowing exactly why you’re doing it, what your expectations are, and seriously look at all of the fantasies you’ve had about meeting him all of these years. Expectations are the biggest part of this, and people who meet their birth parents can be traumatized by another ‘potential’ rejection by them. Don’t set yourself up for disappointment, because the more likely result will be that it’s not going to be a lovefest. Also, what you imagined very seldom matches the real person you ultimately wind up sitting in front of.

Then again, it could also be an amazing experience. I’m not trying to be cynical, but prepare for the worst-case scenario – then anything positive that comes of it will be a bonus.

I’d be interested to see some of the other answers that come in

Yes, but I can’t say I technically never knew him. He left my mom when I was about a year and then gave up his parental rights when I was 5. I never wanted him to be my “dad” because I had an awesome dad who adopted me, but I guess I wanted to know what he was like. He’s sort of an asshole. But I have gotten to know my aunt, uncle, and cousins on that side and I really like them. So, I guess it’s worked out in a way.

I would say this, have no expectations. Seriously. You will probably be let down. I don’t mean that to sound negative, but it’s easy to build this person up in your mind, you know? For me, I took the facts surrounding WHY he wasn’t in my life, coupled them with my experiences in actually meeting him, and decided I just don’t really give a shit if he’s in my life or not.

Good luck and keep us updated.

Thanks for everyone’s responses. I would like to clarify a few things. I don’t know what I expect. Half of me is hoping he’ll want to meet me and the other half is terrified that he won’t. Also, my mom wanted him to remain anonymous, I don’t know if she would have known who he is if she wanted to. And, it was more than 20 years ago that my mother got pregnant. For all I know, the policies have changed or he’s been contacted already by someone else or he’s changed his mind about being contacted. i haven’t heard back from the doctor yet so I’ll find out soon enough, I hope.

Not yet.

Judging from his sparse, if rather odd, contact with my mom really throughout my childhood, he really does want to see me. He’s a very troubled person, so first i’d like to meet his side of the family – since they’re good people – before meeting him. Probably will have some issues to deal with first, like language and the huge difference in socioeconomic position between me & that whole side of my family.

I don’t consider the guy my real father; aside from losing that title before i was born due to the way he treated my mom, someone else – my real-but-technically-step father – has done way, way more in raising me. But still, my biological father influenced my life – for better or worse – and i’ve always wanted to meet him, despite being a bit wary.