Why does my wife hate it when I watch football but doesnt realise that it doesnt bother me if she watches soaps?

Is she making you sit beside her as she watches? Are you requiring her to bond with you and follow each play?

If not it should not matter to either of you

Does she whoop and holler at the television, and eat snacks while she watches the soaps?

@AlfredaPrufrock no she doesnt, but im british and I should probably have written soccer, hence the lack of whooping and hollering ;oP

I’m guessing a “soap” lasts 30–60 minutes…how long is an average football game? Maybe it’s a matter of equitable distribution of time/attention.

90 minutes per game….. next :)

@dog its kinda mandatory we are sat next to each other seen as though we only have one front room and the little one is sleeping…

i dont require bonding from her, and she doesnt from me either.. its just a case of doing something we each enjoy…

Did she know that you liked football before you married? Has she ever watched a game with you? I mean really watched it? It’s not fair for her to get upset if it’s something that you enjoyed before you married and she knew about it.
She probably feels a bit left out. Try to involve her, explain how the game is played. She may eventually enjoy it.

that would be perfect.

unfortunatly back in the “real world” of my marriage, that’s pretty unlikely.. ive tried i really have but she doesnt even like looking at the thighs of the football players.. a suprising fact ;op

Why don’t you ask her?

Does she feel she has to watch? Would you be bothered if she read or web-surfed?

Perhaps the offense is not that you watch but that she feels obligated to watch.

i have asked her, and nope she can surf read do naked handstands if she wants.. she’s miffed that i watch it thats all..

sounds like a real cockblocker. dump her!

@eponymoushipster erm.. its my wife.. i wouldnt really say that her getting wound up with me watching soccer is good enough reason to leave her.. but thanks for your input :)

It sounds like she may feel neglected elsewhere. Maybe she feels that you get more “you” time then she does. Whenever I would get upset with my husband for spending hours at something he enjoyed, it was because I felt that we didn’t get enough couple time.

@TheFonz_is depends on how into football you are, i suppose. either or. :)

I don’t watch sports, but if my wife would do naked handstands while I watched – I just may develop an interest.

Most females I know dislike or even hate football. It’s just the way it is in the UK, generally women like soaps and men like football lol.

In the US, though we have a different kind of football, our wives become “football widows” from September through January.

Her soap watching may occur during the day when you are at work? If so, she may see it as not affecting your relationship. However your football games occur at night or on weekends? She may consider that, as @jonsblond said, taking away from time when you either work on things together, or just hang out together. Remember, if she is with the baby all day, and doesn’t see many other people, she may be dying for adult company.

@jamjar that coming from a wolves fan? i heard most male and female fans hate football :)

im a leeds fan so fire away :)

@daloon she is dying for the company, and im dying for me time, i work all day in a pressure environment where im speaking with 200 people a day and she cant stand being alone.. she goes out most days and is fine but if the weather is bad i can understand her..

the real situation is that i come home, she watches her soap, i put the football on and she gets miffed, bear in mind, if i surf when she is watching her soap she will only talk to me or register me in the ad breaks (i find this cute for some reason) but as soon as its done she gets stressed if i put the football on (even oon my laptop!)

theres nowt so queer as folk as they used to say..

Also, it sounds like you have a small living space? “its kinda mandatory we are sat next to each other seen as though we only have one front room and the little one is sleeping…”

Maybe she feels like she has no where else to go while you watch football. If she doesn’t want to watch it or hear it but there’s no where else for her to go, maybe she feels like she doesn’t have a space in her own house?

Communication and compromise are the foundation of a good marriage.

I suggest you open a dialog with her and offer her a tradeoff- such as you will take her out for dinner or make dinner after the game.

@dog.. hmm interesting thought, might give it a try :)

@Blueding we have a large enough apartment 100 square metres… the problem isnt her having space away, its that my attention is taken away..

I’m not saying that you don’t deserve “me” time. However, if she’s home all day with the baby while you’re out in the world talking to adults, she’s probably starving for an adult connection. When my husband gets home, all he wants to do is sit down in front of the tv and eat dinner. Meanwhile, I’ve been alone all day and just want some time with him.

I don’t know how often the games are on, but maybe once a week she can go out for a while by herself during your game.

Do you have a DVR? Maybe you could record the games and watch them while she does something else.

I don’t know if you meant 1000 metres, but 100 is about the size of a hotel room here.

I don’t know why she should care… My hubby watches 24 and I can’t stand that crap, so I fluther on the laptop until it’s done.

Politely suggest to her that she get a hobby.

:) thanks for all your comments, yeah 100 squared, not so big but we live in the centre of Berlin so its actually quite big compared to the majority..

@dragonfly , it seems we have a similiar issue, any cunning plans you guys have worked out?

@TheFonz_is We split the weekend. For example, Saturday I get to sleep in and do whatever I want in the morning/early afternoon. Saturday afternoon we go somewhere fun together or spend time together.

Sunday, he sleeps in and does what he wants. Then Sunday evenings we do our shopping together.

We both feel that we spend too much time on the weeknights watching television and not spending quality time. We’re currently working on that by shutting the tv off more often and just talking. But it’s still a struggle.

Maybe schedule one day a week where there are no computers and no televisions. Get outside together, play a game together or just spend the day in bed with your wife and child.

Maybe learn to multitask while watching football? Like folding laundry? Is that possible? It’s hard to argue with guy who can watch television, and do something else at the same time…

@TheFonz_is What does she do when she’s out during the day? Is she with friends? Spending time with someone? Doing something fun? Or just running errands?

@dragonflyfaith a mixture.. she does everything in the house during the week, and looks after our son, i come home, help with dinner then chill out town..

We even had this last night, she make pancakes.. then i tidied up and explained i wanted to watch the game.. she was cool for 20 minutes web surfing but then just started being silly trying to stop me watching, ticking me doing things she knows annoy me(but make me laugh). i really was just tired and wanted some space, i asked her why she hated it so much and she said she doesnt know maybe because her ex played football and he made her go along to all the games…

So maybe thats it..

After being in the house all day, she wants some attention and adult conversation. I’ve been there, done that. Staying home with a small child is rewarding, but it can be mind-numbing and rather isolating.

She wants to connect with you. Eating dinner and then watching TV is a form of pushing her away. Even though you may need it as a form of relaxing, when you’re home all day with a child, television, such as the soaps, is a form of adult companionship. When you’re at work you have real adult interactions all day long, and want a little space when you get home. The connection with the television set is the exact opposite for you, but she sees it as the same, that you prefer the “company” of the game on television to her company. It’s competition for your attention.

yeah, i was starting to think that.. almost that she was jealous of the tv… hmm think i need to tread carefully!

Maybe give her a foot rub while watching television, and ask her about her day, or tell her you missed her or thought about her during the day. Or make arrangements for someone to watch your son for a few hours one night a week, and take her out, just the two of you, even if it’s just for a walk and to get a cup of coffee and dessert. Bring her home flowers occasionally.

I do those things I swear! every night i play with her hair or rub her back… she has flowers once every fortnight.. we go for dinner (shes protective over her little one and breastfeeds so its a bit difficult to let someone watch him)...

What was life at home after work like at night before you had a baby?

My daughter had a similar situation with her boyfriend. He teaches classes and tutors all day long in addition to going to class. She mostly works from at home, and is working on her thesis, and is by herself most of the day. When he comes home, the last thing he wants to do is socialize. She, on the other hand, has been by herself most of the day, and wants to be around people, socialize with either his or her flat mates, go out with friends, etc. He just wants to chill out by himself, maybe spend time with just her, alone. It actually took some time with a counselor to get her to see what was going on, that he wasn’t being mean or antisocial. He’s started letting her know if he’s exceptionally tired before he comes home, and she gives him space, either by making different plans so he can have some alone time, or not expecting him to want to hang out with people. He, on the other hand, compromises sometimes and goes out or is deliberately nice to people when he would rather have quiet. It balances.

When you have a child, you become someone’s mom, and it’s easy to lose your sense of self and your own interests in the face of that, especially when you stay home all day with a small child. It’s one of those funny things, it’s great to be able to do, but it’s also hard to be able to do, unless you have lots of friends who are also stay at home moms. When I was at home with mine, I was the only person in my neighborhood that did not leave for work in morning. There was no one in the park during the day, except for groups from day care centers. I had no one to talk to; my friends from my old job only wanted to talk work.

I don’t think you’ve said how often the games are on that you watch.

I think after every thing that’s been said that it sounds like she just misses you and wants your love. She misses you.

If you’re watching everyday of several times a week, you’ve got to stop and think, at the end of your life what are you going to be the most pleased with? The time you spent with your wife and child or the time spent watching tv? What’s more important to you?

Being a stay at home mom is a wonderful thing but it’s also an extremly lonely and depressing job. On top of it, that first year (especially if she breastfeeds) is very emotional and hormonal. She could be suffering from PPD (even if she doesn’t outwardly show signs) or even just feel down. A friend of mine just weaned her daughter and as her hormones adjusted she was amazed at how much energy she had and how good she felt emotionally. Breastfeeding is very hard. It’s a very difficult time for a new mother. She’s going to need extra time and support to get through this. Flowers and dinners are wonderful (very thoughtful) but they do not replace you.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with you watching tv, but it really sounds like your wife just misses you and needs you right now. As she adjusts to being a mom and the hormones, it will get better.

@dragonflyfaith i thinnk youve hit the nail ont the head, thanks !

No problem. It’s sort of a been there, done that…still visit from time to time sort of thing.

You’re a great husband for asking for advice about your wife. Some husband wouldn’t even notice that something was going on.

Hang in there. It gets better!

@dragonflyfaith its hard not to notice when she jumps in front of the projector doing her teletubbies dance whenever theres a game on :)

Haha I’d pay to see that.

id pay for her not to do it :)

btw ive come home, there is a game on but i though no.. ill spend some time with her..

she tells me she’s going to the tan and then for a coffee with a friend!! which is completely fine with me, but it makes me laugh.

If i had phoned her and said, honey im going to watch the game, will you stay at home with lennon (my little superman) she would have gone mental!

Did she know you were planning on skipping the game? You can’t really blame her for making plans if she didn’t know.

Kudos to you for trying! And good for her for spending time out with a friend.

Now, sit back and enjoy that game and your real alone time! I know it’s a rarity!

oh i did, I wasn’t annoyed at all, I said its good, she maintains her identity by going out rather than just being mummy for 12 months..

the game was poor though :(

I just have to say that dragonfly is probably right on the money (as you have already said). I saw this Q and everything that I thought of, I’d read a little further and see that sure enough dragonfly suggested. I am also a stay at home mom (kids are in school now, so I spend a lot of time volunteering), but when they were younger, the things dragonfly said are so true.

@TheFonz_is I’m so glad you can see that. It is so hard to lose your identity in that first year. Actually, even during pregnancy. My last birthday, I was 5 months pregnant and everyone got me pregnancy or baby gifts. Which was thoughtful and all but I really felt everyone forgot who I was.

@marissa You could probably teach me a lot.

Oh, man, you asked the one million dollar question. I wonder too. She can watch four soaps in a row every single day while I always got into trouble for watching two soccer matches on Saturdays.

Way back in the past my intended swore to me that he only watched college basketball. After I married him I found out that he watched every sport known to mankind and not only that he carried on loud, intense conversations with the tv during these couch spectating events. He was single minded in his ability to carve out time to sit on the couch and watch sports but couldn’t seem to realize that I was left to manage EVERYTHING that went into the upkeep and maintenance of his home as well as ALL the chores and childcare. If I had known before I married him that this was the way he was I would have dumped him. But then he knew that and that is why he hid this fact. To say that I now resent him and team sports of any kind would be an understatement.
And just for the record…I don’t watch soap box operas.