Is it possible to have a successful relationship/ marriage and not know anything about your SO's past?

You have to tell something but the details can be left out. In other words, your new SO may need to know that you did have a drinking problem, but they don’t need to know that you were drunk for 7 straight years and have 3 DWI’s. Not that you drink, it’s just an example.

Possible? Sure, stranger things have happened. But it’s not likely. I know I wouldn’t enter a relationship with someone who didn’t share their past with me. Some things are very private, sure, but I think being in a serious relationship means sharing your lives- past, present, and future. Don’t you want to be with someone who loves you for ALL of you- for your mistakes, misfortunes, growth, and change?

of course, though, not everything is first, second, or even 10th date material!

nope. and heres a few reasons why…
1)sexual history :STDs
2)have they been involved in something unsavory that would be pertinent information, or lend itself to a character flaw.
3)the past is part of the who we are, good, bad and ugly. we all have baggage, the trick is learning how to carry it well. and often times that is what makes us best.
4)see #1

I suppose you could. But who would really want to. I’d rather the person know, so they could get to know who I really am. My past IS why I’m who I am.

Wouldn’t a person be far more comfortable with a new partner if they found out they had things in common beforehand and they weren’t going to discover possibly uncomfortable information right out of the blue whether it be in the past or at the present time? Honesty is always the best policy and communication is one of the most important factors in any relationship, period.

You don’t have to tell your entire life story to someone but the process of getting to know one another is a valuable and necessary step in a new beginning. Kind of feel your way through it and it will become apparent what you should and should not reveal, in-depth, to a new partner.

You know what? Own your past. I’m not saying brag is you’ve been a jerk, I’m saying be honest, be prepared, though, to explain how you’ve changed.

Sure, it may work for a little while, but let’s face it, if we are serious enough about a person to be involved with them, we want some details.

Good and bad choices in life, shape the person that we become. Learn from both and move on in life. Don’t sabotage a new relationship by trying to skirt the issue. You don’t have to give all the gory details, but don’t avoid the issue when it comes up.

Personally, I’d be less likely to stay with someone that wouldn’t share their past, than someone that made mistakes, but has changed.

For me to enter into a relationship someone, we’d have to go through some kind of dating phase first. That’s the time when, through conversations, shared activities, over dinner, on car drives, etc., people talk, and usually at least some of it is about their past. That’s how people get to know each other, and learn if they’re compatible enough to continue dating, or enter into something more.

Without this introduction, I don’t think I’d enter into a relationship with someone. It’s not a judgment, it’s more like a vital step, sort of like how you can’t get to the second floor without stairs or an escalator. It’s part of the flow.

Explaining an embarrassing past might be rough, but it’s not like you have to drop it all on the first date, or even the fifth. That’s why people sometimes date for years before getting married. Perhaps it will help if you don’t feel forced to explain everything right away. Just let it come out naturally, at the right time for any given factoid or anecdote. If they’re the right kind of person for you, you won’t be able to scare them away – especially as they get to know you, gradually and at a natural pace.

1 word. “yup.”

it’s in the past so leave it there.

@charliecompany34 How would you react if someone you really cared about and potentially wanted to marry wouldn’t talk about their life? If you really wouldn’t care, then cool. I’m just curious.

I suppose that in an important relationship, hiding the past, or pretending it didn’t happen is a kind of lie. You are pretending to be someone you aren’t.

Of course, in less significant relationships, people do that all the time. They put things in the past, and move on. Of course, those things are still there, and still a part of the personality, but since the person isn’t that important, it’s fine to not share it.

For most people, you don’t have to explain. For a mate, you have to share. I’m not sure you have to explain. If they love you, they should love the past that made you you. If they are troubled by your past, then I’m not sure they really love you.

yes, it is possible, though sooner or later you past will catch up

you don’t have to explain everything right from the start, but as you get to know each other better, you may add details to the story when opportunities arise (for example when you watch “Prison Break” you could mention about those 2 years in Alcatraz).