What do i do about my sister?

I recommend talking to her about this in person and explaining it just as you did here. Use phrases that reflect how you feel, don’t make this issue about her actions, focus it on you. Use “I” phrases, not “you” phrases. “I feel hurt when you don’t call me,” not “You hurt me when you say you’ll call but don’t.” “I would like to talk with you more, and I call you often to do this, but we rarely end up talking when I call,” not “Why don’t you answer my damn calls, you make me so angry”.

You can also take other proactive steps to solving the situation. Arrange a date and time for phone calls each week. Maybe Thursday nights around 9pm, or whatever is best for you. And stick with it.

I do not recommend calling her and telling her off. It’s unlikely you can anger her to the point where she will stop coming home, however telling someone off is generally not an effective way to solve a problem, and not what most mature responsible adults do.

That 10 year gap is still pretty big. Do you all communicate by e-mail at all? Sometimes that’s easier to maintain contact, because you can send small, little messages with more frequency.

There are other ways to handle this besides “telling her off.” You can write her a letter, and tell her that she’s really important to her, and that your feelings were really hurt when she forgot your birthday….

Everything @dynamicduo said. Also to add, that it might be good to visit her where she lives, and not expect her to be the one to have to come home. If she lives away, it may be harder for her to feel connected to family, because her own life is elsewhere. You need to see her in her own environment and connect with her there. She may be a very different person than when she’s with your parents.

shes in the military and she doesn’t use the computer all that much. also the reason i did not tell her off is because i am usually a very mature young adult.

I would try communicating with her by letters. It can be hard in the military to get to call when you want to because your time is not your own. Maybe send her stationery, stamps, etc. as a gift. Make her some stationery or note cards. That can be fun.

hm yeah that’s all pretty good advice. You know I have a half brother that I am pretty fond of and when ever we hang out we get along great. Hes I dunno something like 36 and I’m 23. But when we are apart we almost never call each other or anything. He lives in Cincinnati and I live in Columbus. Anyways, it’s not so much because we are insincere about our relationship with each other when we are together, its just that we both have different lives we are living and for what ever reason calling each other just to chit chat is one of the last things on our mind at the end of the day. Maybe its more absent mindedness than anything. I have a sister who lives in Toledo as well, I try to call her once in awhile but she is so busy with her family and what not she never really gets a chance to call me.

I wouldn’t take so personal, your sister no doubt loves you and enjoys your company but she just has another life where she is and its hard to maintain a phone relationship up. You will realize this as you get older.

My advice would be to try and visit her too, and maybe find stuff that you both really like to do. Like my brother has offered to take me kayaking, I have just been too busy to take him up on it. And my sister likes to hang out so sometimes when I’m back in toledo just go over there and chill with her and her husband.

yeah. its just really annoying. and it can be hard.. because we used to be really close. In a few weeks i’ll be eighteen so hopefully she’ll call.

Try asking your parents about it? Maybe your sister feels the same way you do but wont say anything either. Moms know best and keep the family together, her response to this question will be invaluable.

Eh yeah I can relate to your feelings about it Nichole. But I realized I could either be bitter about it or just make the best of things. Yes calling is a 2 way street, but I’ve never called either sibling and had them be disappointed to hear from me. Just make an effort to drop a call once every couple or few weeks. And you will be better off than if neither of you ever called each other.

Yeah..See she said “If you call me one month, i’ll call you the next”. I called many times and she only called once in two years. Yes she calls our parents but never asks to talk to me or just calls me. Its just really hard.

I agree with telling her gently that you would like her to call or write more often. More than likely, she wants to talk more too. Being in the military though is probably very demanding. She might be so busy and exhausted that it slips her mind.

I don’t know how many times I’ve thought to myself that I wanted to call someone but then realized that they were at work (or school in your case) or that it was too late to call.

Also with that age gap, she might feel that her day to day life may bore you and that she doesn’t have a lot to share.

Just let her know (without blasting her) how you feel, or call more often yourself. She’d probably welcome your calls.

Yeah. But like I said it is hard. Because I don’t know if she really wants to talk.

Then go hard with it. Call her every day. Kill her with kindness. Tell her you are hurt from her actions and want to come clean with everything BOTH of you have been feeling. As long as you make sure both of you get your chance to be heard it should be fine. No one likes to have things clogging there mind or weighing on their chest. Get it out in the open and be strong.

Thats good advice

You don’t know if you don’t try. Maybe she doesn’t know if you really want to talk. Ask her if there’s a day and time that’s good for you to call her. She’ll either tell you when or she’s tell you that she’ll call you. Stick with what she tells you. Sometimes you have to schedule things. But sitting back and getting upset and worrying about whether she wants to talk or if she cares, is not going to get your any closer to the relationship that you want to have with your sister.

yeah.. @dragonflyfaith its just sometimes hard to keep cool about everything

I completely understand! Big hugs to you…