What are some great, non-small talk conversation starters?
Asked by
andrew (
16562
)
March 2nd, 2009
Something like, “What’s the last thing you read that interested you?”
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42 Answers
What is one thing you’d like to get done this year?
What is one thing youd like to accomplish in your lifetime?
Are you a traveler? What’s your favorite place among those you have visited? or (and I like this better) Where haven’t you gone yet that you want to go?
What was your childhood like?
Are you doing what you thought you would be doing now that you are an adult?
What happened to your pants?
Did you vote for Obama? (the answer will determine where you go next)
What is the best movie you have seen recently? Why was it so good?
What brings you here? (especially if you are in the Amazonian jungle or somewhere else equally exotic and are in an entourage of scientists or anthropologists).
Where did you go on vacation this year? Why did you choose that location?
I see you have a dog (cat) too! (taking note of animal fur on clothing or dog on end of leash). Are you involved in animal rescue?
Do you believe in life after death?
What do you think about the socio-economic implications of the theories of Marx on the attempts by Washington to socialize American institutions? (Or something related to why the two of you happen to be in the same place)
And in Texas: How about them Cowboys? (or How about them Spurs?) This is NOT small talk in Texas.
Is that a banana in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
I suppose that your aim is to talk to women:
Try this one. It’s always a good conversation starter for me and can set you up to be THE MAN.
“Do you think that men and women can be friends because my friend has this girl that he’s interested in?”
Of course if you don’t want to be “just friends”, be the guy that doesn’t believe that it’s possible
I think that without knowing anything about person, there are very few things that can be talked about… other than small talk. Some of the things mentioned above still seem to me as ‘small talk’. Maybe it is just me.
Asking a question seems to be small talk. (especially questions about them and their preferences.) Maybe the the opposite would then would be a better alternative. For example, a statement, and observation, a though you had. In a way, information about what you perceive and think. If they are interested, they will converse with you.
Don’t say things to try to get to know them. I guess it is the opposite that should be shrived for.
I don’t know if that made any sense or is necessarily true, maybe it is
I’ve had a lot of great conversations, and I dislike and avoid small talk. I have found that some of the best begin not with a question but with an observation.
Those contrived conversationy questions, sounding as if they’d come from a popular magazine article entitled “Ten Great Conversation Starters,” tend to invite answers so big (who wants a stranger to start a conversation by asking you about your childhood or your life’s ambitions?) that you blow them off with trivia. They put you on the spot with a message that essentially says “Entertain me. Say something amusing or enlightening. I’ve just thought of the question, and now you are responsible for the answer so we can both stand/sit here with drinks in our hands being deeply and aggressively sociable.” What is that if not small talk?
Much more effective, to me—if the point is not simply to take turns moving your lips while you size each other up—is an observation or comment that somehow ties the present situation to something you know, something you’ve thought about, something you’ve recently read or seen or experienced. It acknowledges some common ground in whatever it is that you are experiencing together while bringing to it something of your own, and it takes the pressure off the other person while you assume responsibility for saying something interesting. Then the person responds or doesn’t—with an equally observant, pithy, witty, charming, or illuminating comment or a question that delves further into your contribution or with a vague smile while glancing around for someone who looks more likely to prefer small talk.
[Edit: While I was typing this, TheBox193 made essentially the same suggestion.]
What is your favorite topic of study? Although my method is usually to ask a “small talk” question and delve deeper. What do you do? How do you like it? Where did you learn? Etc.
where are you from?
what do you look for in a relationship?
I usually comment about something that’s going on in our immediate environment. [I swear I wrote that sentence before Jeruba posted.] Usually I’ve been introduced by someone else, so that’s a good excuse to ask questions. If I’m at a party where there are people I don’t know and have not been introduced to, I’ll follow up my observation with a question about the other person’s relationship to the host. That usually leads to a commonality that we can discuss.
It’s true, daloon was typing when I posted.
Did you know that you can still get an erection after you die?
@TheBox193 Sorry, these are more for passing the time with close friends—it’s more for when you’re done with the how have you been, what’s going on! and you’re not ready to break out the lateral thinking puzzles because you need entertainment at dinner.
What did you learn in school, that you are most surprised to discover that you actually do remember and apply as an adult?
nice weather were having eh?
Thats a small talk conversation starter so try to avoid that one.
In that case Andrew, you could be as controversial as you like:
Morality without religion? What’s wrong with polygamy? Stem cell research, pros and cons. Discuss all the big ideas!
With the additional info provided, how about:
Of all your possessions, what is the one material thing you would not part with?
I like asking what people are reading, or bring up something interesting going on in the news. If they’re my REALLY good friends, I’ll get into marijuana legalization, debates on religion, politics, and so on.
@andrew, that changes the picture. In that case, I’d say browse through fluther history itself and pick out some of the questions posted here that have generated the most interesting and varied discussions. Some of daloon’s, for instance. In fact, just invite daloon to dinner and you’re all set.
ask her about her life dreams
When you buy something that isn’t a necessity outside of, say, food or shelter, what purpose does that thing serve for you?
Have you read The Game? I despise it, but managed to inadvertently incorporate one of the conversations starters into a recent conversation and was amazed by how well it worked. In the book, one of the openers used to pick up women is something to the effect of, “Hey, can I get a female perspective on [some invented relationship problem]?”
I think this is a really slick opener because it renders your conversation partner an expert by virtue of her gender, and chances are she’ll be able to relate it to something in her life or one of her friends’, and there’s your conversation.
@andrew I understand. This is an interesting topic though. Thanks for the question.
Where in the world is Carmen San Diego?
Since these are friends of yours you already are connected with, how about:
What’s the most amazing experience you’ve had where you came into money unexpectedly?
What’s inspired you lately?
What have you been wanting in your life?
What are you pretending not to know?
What do you respect most about me? What do you respect least about me?
How do you see my life could be better?
What do you love about your life?
@Trustinglife: you aren’t borrowing these from fluther by any chance, are you? ;-)
Nope. Come to think of it, they all could be Fluther questions, couldn’t they!
No, I have a list of great questions I’ve heard or thought of that I’ve assembled over the years. This question inspired me to thumb through the list and pull some of the good ones out, especially for this here occasion.
“You know, I own three islands off the coast of Southern California.”
Exclaiming “Wow, did you see that?” usually works for me.
Paradoxes (only works for those people who won’t just freak out and have a seizure):
The following statement is a lie: The previous statement was a lie.
Does nonexistence exist?
Is there always an exception?
…etc. only works for the philosophically oriented, but if you yourself are so oriented, that type of conversation can be the most entertaining.
*The existence of nonexistence is a particularly interesting and entertaining one since it forces you to really define what existence means, and can actually tell you something about yourself. In fact, I’m going to start a thread.
be more specific like are you with the person or talking over the phone?
well uu could ask so whats your perspective in life?
“you know what i hate about small talk…”
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