Have you ever gotten the feeling that you don't really like your SO? Did you get over it? How?

Have you loved her the whole 15 years? But don’t do anything drastic just yet…

Relationships don’t just stay good, they require work. What are you doing to make your wife happier?

How about giving her a gift certificate for a spa day while you care for the kids?

How about sending her flowers at work with a note that says, “Your happiness is important to me.”

What about setting aside one night a week for a date night? The two of you need to relate as a couple. Suggest that for the evening kids and work are off-the-table as topics. Rediscover what you liked about each other in the good times.

I stongly suggest reading “Getting the Love You Want” by Harville Hendrix.

You might want to break it down from I don’t like her anymore, which is pretty global, into specific thing that you do not like. You did say a bit. Maybe you can not get her out of the funk, but is there some way to assist her in getting some help without having to do something drastic? Can you tell her that you know she is unhappy, and you want her to be happy, but you have no idea how to help?

After 20 year, I don’t like my husband sometimes, but it is usually something he is doing, or not doing. Once I figure that out and my part in it, I try to work at small bits of it.

Do you ever get time just the two of you to relax and spend time together? Or is all of your time together spent tired and stressed out? I know that when we’re stressed and don’t have enough time together we get a bit snippy.

Sounds like you might need a vacation to get to know each other again. Schedule a date night once a week, make time for each other. Sometimes you have to stop and start over.

Great ideas! I agree about the Harville Hendrix – excellent book!

Most marriages go through dry spells. Have you asked her to go to counseling?

This may piss you off, but here goes…

What if you took full responsibility for the situation, including your happiness… and hers? What if you decided you were going to see how you could support her, even if you don’t like her?

Maybe put a time limit on it – 1 day, 1 week, or even a month. Just as an experiment. You can always go back to how it was. It would be a challenge, but it couldn’t hurt.

I agree with trustinglife. Give yourself a week where you treat her like you have just fallen madly in love with her. Court her again. Bring her flowers or what ever it was that won her heart in the first place. Take her on a date, rent the movie from your first date, or cook her a surprise romantic dinner. Cherish her and treat her like a jewel and she just might sparkle.

If you do that, you’ll probably have to do it without the feelings that might have motivated you in the past. The result on her might just be magnificent, though. That is, if what you truly want is to have her feel better and be more pleasant to be around.

By the way, what is it that you truly want?

>>>She is occupied with work, kids and stuff, but she’s unhappy. We’ve been married 15 years, have two kids>>>

Life can get into a rut, and having teenaged or pre-teen kids is wearing. w.e.a.r.i.n.g. Have I said wearing? How do you split the load at home? Plan a weekend away together and don’t take no for an answer. Have a weekly date night. Send her flowers at work. E-mail her during the day about non-family stuff.

I want to urge you to nip this in the bud. If you truly want to save your marriage, the time to act is now. It is ok for married people to not like each other occasionally, but your situation sounds a little stronger than that. Get yourselves to a counselor, and quickly! Your wife may need individual counseling, too. There is a reason she is unhappy. It may not be a reason you understand (could be a ‘no-reason’ depression), but it’s there. You are both going to need help fixing this.

Take it from me, a divorced woman.

Well, we are very different from each other. When we first got together we appreciated the differences we had, but now, it just causes problems. I don’t have religion, she takes the kids to church every Sunday. I’ve always been content with my views on life, no matter how different, she’s always trying to be more conservative in her family values. I pamper her when I can, but really, I’m not sure that the time or energy is worth it any longer when she packs my bags and sends me on guilt trips.

It sounds like you’ve already made up your mind. Have you tried counseling?

Take some responsibility. It ain’t getting any better if you don’t. If you keep blaming it all on her, good luck with that.

What is your part in her guilt trips? Sure, it feels like shit, but is there a piece of what she says that is correct? No, you don’t care anymore. But either get out of the thing, or get into it. You’re on the fence, and causing yourself suffering. Not to mention your wife and family. This is a good time to dig deep into yourself, and to choose a direction.

There was a piece on the news tonight that the divorce rate is down because people can’t afford the costs of 2 households.

@Favoritethings ;
Offer to go to a Christian Counselor with her as long as they are licensed. A good Christian counselor will get her to understand that SHE has a responsibility to honor you even if you’re not religious. She is probably going to Church, looking at all the “happy couples” who pray together and do Bible study together and she is a bit disillusioned herself. She is not being true to her own faith when she holds you in any less esteem because you don’t go to Church. She needs to hear it from a neutral third party that she trusts though, not from you.