Can stress have an impact on your ability to orgasm?

Get a pretty little vibrator to jump-start things…use it together..his hand over yours, for example.

G has good advice (of course), but invites the question: is this problem only with him, or are you having it on your own too?

@ gail… We tried that too… To no avail. I don’t want to be dependent on vibrators either, I’ve heard that can be a problem.

@niki- both. It’s definitely easier when I do it on my own, but it still takes awhile.

And to answer future questions, yes I’m doing my kiegels. (sp?)

Yep. :(

Absolutely, stress is one of the biggest causes of female climaxular issues (it’s a word!). Anything that inhibits you and distracts your mind drags your focus away from where it should be.

So put down the vibrator. For now.

Go and work on your stress issues. Learn to meditate a couple times per day. Take a soothing bubble bath. And then have sex.

…in the bubble bath if you choose.

mmmm… I like the way you think banana

Try more foreplay, honestly. :)
Sometimes the longer more sensual the lead up, the better.

When I have trouble, it is because I am not feeling safe enough for true intimacy. You have be feel safe enough to be vulnerable enough for climax. It could be that you guys were apart for a while.

What would help you is reestablishing emotional intimacy. Go out to a cafe and just talk. Do something silly (an arcade, a ride) where you laugh like loons.

At the same time, ask your fiance to give you a sensual massage, spend some time just necking, give each oral satisfaction. Expand your definition of what “sex” is as I heard a wise man say last night.

Also, tell yourself that for now not climaxing is OK. Stressing about it is inhibiting to achieving it.

GA mariana. I thought that’s what it was at first too but I have been here a month and I feel more at home here than I ever did in Texas. But I still may need some time getting used to it, I have “sex issues” sometimes…

He keeps telling me it’s ok but I think I am making it worse by worrying about to so much. I just don’t like not knowing what’s going on with my body.

@krose1223 Trust yourself. It is OK. It happens to everybody. The one it is happening too is always much more upset than the partner usually is.

On the stress scale, moving rates high—even a good and happy move.

Ok, I kind of know where you’re coming from, psyching yourself out and causing your minor concerns to kind of snowball into a bigger sexual problem.

Here’s how I fixed things (when hubby and I had trouble getting back to enjoying sex after I had a baby): Use your imagination and picture the happiest, most comfortable, most sensual place/way to have sex.

Is it in a new room?
On a bed of pillows?
In a bath?
Dim the lights?
Light some candles?

Make the situation your own. Make it the most safe, sensual environment you can imagine. Now let go. Get naked with your partner and don’t insist you even have to have sex. Don’t even think about orgasms. Just play, caress, relax.

If that goes well, maybe try a little….start of sex play…just teasing here and there (a tiny bit of in and out). Take it slow and it’s up to you if you keep going and escalating.

You call the shots and let him know if you want more, and how you want it. Remember what a comfort zone you’re in.

Then let the orgasm just come to you naturally.

Stress affects everything. Enjoy what you can. The rest will take care of itself.

I second everything said above. New surroundings, new routines, new lifestyle. Reading the poetry of Rumi can have a good effect on stress and sex.

Stress can make this very difficult. You’re in a new place, and a new city, and newly with your fiance—those are pretty big stressors.

One that might help, if it’s true, is to let him off the hook. Sometimes, we guys feel honorbound to make sure you have a good time, and if you don’t orgasm, we feel like we have failed. If you tell him, it’s ok, you are having a good time, and you don’t need to cum; it’s good just being close. Well, that can actually let you both off the hook. Sometimes that’s all it takes.

Now, you shouldn’t say the above unless it’s true. However, if it’s true, you don’t have to hide it. It’s ok to say it.

@krose1223 get some stuff called “excite”. It’s a lubricant that has menthol in it & it tingles. You have to rub it on before you get down to stimulating & really trying to get there. You can get it at Wal-Mart & it’s only like $5. Well worth it…try it. ;-)

@krose1223 glad to see you back!!

Don’t fret too much. Once you settle in, you should be fine. If you try too hard, you might prolong your problem. Try not to think about it. Just go with the flow and you’ll be back in the saddle in no time!!

scamp’s right. The more you stew about it, the worse it’ll be. Just try to relax.

Stress can definitely make it difficult to reach orgasm.

On the other hand, I find that having orgasms make it harder to stress out!

“He keeps telling me it’s ok but I think I am making it worse by worrying about to so much.”

You probably are. I’m completely uncomfortable in my own skin, and it makes it nearly impossible to orgasm. The more I worry about it and let myself get frustrated over it, the more difficult it becomes. If I just relax and deal with the fact that this is what I’ve got to work with, sometimes it works out. So my advice is to try really hard to believe him when he says it’s okay. It’ll probably be hard, but… just keep trying. Don’t stress yourself out further. Good luck!

Thank you guys!!

Oh how I missed Fluther!!

Does anyone else always read/type “further” as “fluther” first? I also can’t read/type “local” without my brain turning it into “lolcat.” ...Should I make this into an actual question?

I often have trouble climaxing (even on my own sometimes!). Something that has worked for me in the past is to take a low dose of Xanax about 15 minutes to 1/2 hour before hand. You could also try a beer. I find it loosens me up just enough to do the trick.

I’m so glad you’re back!

first of all, welcome back and good luck with the new life.

secondly yes, stress does have a major impact on everything, and especially sex. But I shouldn’t be too worried. It’s nothing permanent and things will be back to normal once you relax again :)

OMG im going thru the same problem i remember the first time my guy went down on me i had the best orgasm and now i dont is so hard for me to have one..i know stressing bout it makes it worst but is hard not to ..i frustrate myself and it sucks i feel bad cuz i sometimes lie to him and tell him i do but in reality i dont ..and i know he knows i dont..i should tell him the truth i will ..im so stress out i know thas the cause of it ..and reading these comments made me feel better since im not the only one going thru it..thank god..but omg i wanna have one..!!!!..maybe exercising can help..i hope =(

@rjm82 You say he knows you’re lying about it. I see two things going on there. One, you’re not doing HIS ego any good either. A man cares very much whether or not he can make his partner cum. You’re not doing either one of you any favors by doing this. Much of having a good sex life is knowing that you’re making the other person see stars, too. :-)

Secondly, if you’re honest with him & talk about it, the two of you can work together to make it happen for you. This isn’t just about YOU. It has to do with the both of you. Talk to him.

i know i am ..i need to stop telling him i do cum when i dont..is clearly he knows..so yeah your right thanks for the advice

Sounds like a mental thing. All that stress of being away from each other, and the built up pressure can really do wonders on performance (same goes for guys). Even though it’s kind’ve backwards…you’d think that you would get off really easily and climax fast but instead it’s the opposite. Try to turn your brain off as much as possible…don’t analyze it too much, just be as passionate with him as you can be.

Here’s a link to a Leftos post that maybe helpful. Although it’s a different type of question than yours, the answers provide some pretty good insight.