Have you ever met a female commitment phobe?

I sure can relate! I would like to think that the right person can change that. Maybe there was a part of you that knew deep down the whole time, he was not “it”.

I would say that you’re not a commitment phobe if you had a 6 year long relationship. It sounds like you just knew it wasn’t right for you. A lot of the time, our family and friends try to push what they believe to be the ‘correct step forward’ onto us, when that may not be what you want to do.

I am a huge commitment phobe (and a girl), and I have not gotten over it yet, so I couldn’t help you with that anyway. But it seriously does not sound that you did the wrong thing in your situation.

There are lots of women like you, but there are lots of different reasons.

Do you have a serial problem with commitment?
Do you feel like you hold part of yourself back from a relationship?
Could he just have been the wrong guy?

Before you can change things, you need to figure out what is going on with you.

I feel like a) he was the wrong guy, which was hard to distinguish because he is a GOOD guy b) I hold back in relationships…always have. Don’t understand why?

just be totally honest with people with what you want and there shouldn’t be any problems. If you are just looking for a casual relationship or one without a lot of commitment just let them know from the get go. And don’t let them sucker you into something more serious, the signs are pretty obvious so stop it before it gets to the point where they want to marry you.

Think back about what in your growing up made you feel the need to protect yourself. To truly be intimate with someone (which commitment requires) you need to feel safe enough to open your heart to possible hurt.

You might find talking to a therapist about this issue helpful in working through it.

I used to be a commitmentphobe. I don’t know what changed.

I don’t understand why you feel you have to change??? Why do you think there is something wrong with your attitude? Marriage, children, and all that entails is not the career for everyone. I would never choose it. Society and culture seem to feel that is the only role for women to enter into and I don’t think that is fair to women or the men they may marry or the children they may have. You are an individual, the choice is yours, don’t be forced into a role that is not comfortable for you. And remember never say never, just be who you are at the moment and if you are someone else in another moment, that is okay too.

Love your response it totally made my night :)

@rooeytoo I agree with what you said, but the questioner said, “I don’t want to be afraid of commitment..”

@Marina – Yep I read it, that is why I asked why she feels she wants to change that about herself. When I was young I felt as if I had to follow the rules of society, settle down, marry and have children. Thank goodness I met a childless couple who were complete in themselves, worked together and felt no need for children. It had never crossed my mind that I had a choice, ignorant naive little creature that I was. Later I met women who were alone, financially & emotionally independent and happy that way. So I just wanted to let Shortysith that there are choices.

Now I am curious why you felt the need to point that out to me, am I only allowed to respond to the question exactly as it is asked without adding my own thoughts? Are you moderating me for some reason?

I was totally against being in a committed relationship when I was younger. I rarely even went out with only one guy at a time (but was completely upfront about it). If someone professed to love me, it was the end of the road for that one… dumped them immediately. While I was in love with the man who became my first husband, when we were engaged, I freaked out and privately ‘called off’ our engagement for about a week. Then I calmed down and married him. We were married for 17 years.

After we separated, I was firmly against long term relationships again. Fell in love with the first guy I dated! Resisted moving in together, until I was sure it was what I wanted. He asked me to marry him about 6 times before I calmed down and married him.

You might be the same kind of woman… if so, when it’s right for you, you will eventually know it. : )

present!

ok first of all, you’ll have no problems at all finding dates with such an attitude. Most guys would love someone like that.

Secondly, I’m guessing it’s not really a committment issue, but you probably just didn’t want to marry that particular guy. Maybe there was something you couldn’t put your finger on, something that made it feel “not right”. I’m sure that when the right guy comes along, you’ll commit yourself 100% to him :)

Me too!

I’m not so much anymore, but when I was younger…