Ever been invisible?

It’s funny, but when I was fat I was invisible. I could be in a room and no one would even notice me. People would walk away while I was in mid sentence. It was also true when I was poor.
I became more visible when I had money, but when I lost weight I was suddenly noticed. People wanted to hear what I had to say.
I sometimes wonder if that is part of why people like me gain weight. It feels safer to hide in a bubble of fat than it is to be “out there” and vulnerable.

Oh sure. A lot of times. It could be any number of things. In person, I tend to watch, then comment and I tend to be shy. It really doesn’t bother me. Years ago, it would upset me.

It happens on threads, at times. It’s ok, sometimes there is a lot going on. I say what I need to say and move on. I don’t linger.

I was never invisible growing up or well into my college years. I am a very outgoing person and so are my friends, we’re just a lively group that I never felt invisible in. However, every once in awhile I feel a bit invisible in social settings (usually if I don’t really know anyone around me). The feeling is very unnerving. I once described it during a particularly rough time with my friends as “if I disappeared tomorrow from their lives would they even notice” but I know that deep down, no matter who you are and no matter how invisible you feel there is always at least one person who notices you. I think I have just come to realize that not having tons of people paying attention to you doesn’t mean you’re invisible it just means that those that are paying attention are probably more important to your life anyways.

I often feel invisible. When I figure that people will pay attention to me for something I did, and they don’t, I feel invisible. I guess it means that my estimation of what I did is quite different from other people’s if they just pass over me. I feel invisible in online forums when someone inevitably asks the question of who your favorite fellows are, and I don’t see my name. I feel invisible when my friends never call to check up on me. I feel invisible when we invite people over and no one reciprocates. I feel invisible when my father praises my younger brother and sister, and says nothing about me.

How does it make me feel? Well, I’ll tell you this: it does wonders for my self-esteem. It makes me want attention and praise, yet fight off the praise because of this inner sense that it is just and right that I don’t get praised. In other words: it really messes me up.

I sometimes wish I was invisible in real life. Particularly at the day job. I barely have time to eat lunch I’m interrupted so much.

Now way back in Junior High School I was completely invisible to everyone. I walked to school (avoided the bus), didn’t say boo in class, kept to myself. It was a tough school and I had many bad bully-related experiences in Elementary School, so I made a decision to fly under the radar for two years.

It has happened on threads here from time to time. I don’t take it personally (does sobbing to yourself quietly count as not taking it personally?)

@Judi: Aww, I just want to hug you after hearing someone would walk away in mid-sentence.

My entire college career. I had never lived in a town as large as the school, and I was pathologically shy. I would literally go days and days and days without speaking to a soul.

@Judi – I agree completely about fat being a way to shield oneself, at least for me. I know quite a few women who are heavy and absolutely love being a bigger woman and taking up space. They aren’t ignored because they’re going to let you know they’re there. When I’m heavier, it’s because I want to be left alone. The minute all the weight goes, people pay attention, and for me, it’s the unwanted kinds of attention from scary men (super-aggressive catcallers, mainly) that I’ve had a harder time navigating. Being “pretty” and female can make you a target. It’s part of the reason I’m taking karate now, so I don’t feel as if it’s necessary for me to “hide” in an unhealthy body to be assured of my safety.

People walking away in mid-sentence are just rude, so I hope you’ve put them out of your mind as people to be concerned about. I’ve never had any sort of substantial sum of money, so I can’t speak to that aspect.
———————
Also, I think there’s a bit of give and take to being invisible in social situations. It’s almost like those boys who shoot up their schools because they believe everyone there hates them. If you go into a social situation thinking bad things about yourself, and automatically assuming that people are going to hate and ignore you, then that’s what’s going to happen. Others will pick up on that and stay away because such angry people treat others with contempt, don’t listen or interact and are very-self-absorbed. They also end up finding people who match their beliefs, e.g. the angry loner seems to zero in on the guy/girl who’s going to be an asshole that picks on him/her. It’s weird how that happens. Thoughts influence behavior and outcomes, including whether or not one is invisible.

I have always felt invisible. I was an extremely shy child. My yearbook entries were always “you are so sweet but soooo quiet”.

I’ve outgrown my shyness a little, and I realized that I wasn’t invisible to my family. That’s all that matters to me.

I have managed to become willingly invisible a couple of times, but not for long. Sooner or later someone notices.

I have never experienced the type of invisibility you imply.

@Judi
I can empathize. After I lost around 40 pounds between my freshman and sophomore years of high school I had a surge of self-confidence when I realized that people actually wanted to listen to what I said.

And for what it’s worth, the woman in your thumbnail is very beautiful and definitely not fat. At least as far as I can tell. It’s a pretty small picture.

@peyton_farquhar ;
Thanks. That’s a “post fat” photo, and actually this week I’m brunette so I still look different.

As a student nurse while on a placement in theaters. No one spoke to me at all for the first week.

Never. With a group, I kinda unconsciously make you attend to me.

@Judi – I just want to give you a hug!

Absolutely! As a woman in business, I have often felt invisible—whenever a client came in and demanded to talk to a man. People have asked about copy which was written by me, and demanded that it be explained by a man, who had far less grasp of the situation than I did. These things rarely happen these days, with more people recognizing my expertise and with great strides having been made in women’s rights. But I well remember how it hurt.

@cak: Back off sister. I was hugging her first. ;^)

I lurve hugs!

Frequently.

As the new kid in school every year I worked hard at it, especially as I got to middle and high school. It is better to be invisible than to be a target.

However, later on I was the first (or one of the first) female in a variety of jobs, so I am quite accustomed to have someone look past me and ask where the inspector is, or to tell me to go find the driver and ask him to move my truck that I just drove up in.

I often get called sir on the phone, but sometimes I have even been called sir to my face – with long hair and abundant curves I am not certain how they do that, but when one is invisible strange things can happen.

@tabbycat and Darwin – I have read excerpts from a book about the things your mentioning.

@ all – Just as an experiment, when your on a thread, look at it as you go. Read down it and see how many people comment. Then see how many people are actually brought into the conversation. I have been doing this for a week or so and it is interesting.

I am 50% of a pair of twins. My brother was the loud one who used me to build himself up. I was the quiet shy one until about the last two months of high school. Then I pulled and 80’s movie switcharoo. I started saying what I thought, making the jokes I wanted and talking to who I wanted. By the end of the year everyone was writing “I wish you would have been like this long before now” and “where were you all this time”.

Now I am who I am.

I am not Popeye.

but do you like spinach?

as an element to a salad.

I felt invisible sometimes in high school when all the popular people were around but it didn’t bother me at all. I had a small but sincere group of friends who I spent time with and being real was more important and appealing than pretending who you weren’t so that you could try to look cool (and be a fake at the same time) while hanging out with the popular people.

I don’t think I’ve ever felt invisible. In fact, when I was a teenager I was always hyper-aware of the people around me and absurdly sure they were looking at me. It was like a kind of paranoia, and I was quite uncomfortable in public situations if I was alone. It just about killed me to walk through the shopping mall by myself to get to my first job. For a time, I wouldn’t even ride a city bus by myself. I grew out of thinking that everyone was so interested in what I was wearing, doing, saying, but do still occasionally get that ‘bug under glass’ feeling.

I am just old enough to remember business contacts who preferred to deal with a man, but it didn’t make me feel invisible… just pissed.

@ cprevite group hug

Last night, I went to trivia night at the campus pub with a group of guys. The announcer asked a question, and I stated the answer out loud and wrote it down on our answer sheet.

The guys proceeded to discuss the answer, and eventually one of them yelled out the answer I had said. I pointed out that I had already written it down.

I find this happens pretty frequently. I get ignored or interrupted surprisingly often. But I think it might be as simple as just talking too quietly? Who knows.

Absolutely. Especially in school.

.

@Blondesjon. An invisible answer. I like it!

I see the period next to your head, sneaky. =)

I always feel invisible at concerts, but it’s invisible in the good way. I can just get lost in the music and the performance, and I don’t have to worry if anyone is looking at me or judging me or anything – I can just focus.

@nikipedia – I am VERY familiar with that. I was once in a meeting about an animation for the Milwaukee brewers based on the murals on the walls around their new stadium. I made a suggestion and told them how we could do it. More than once. 45 min. later the rest of them came to the same conclusion and I was disciplined for being upset.

Since none of you can see me, I guess that makes me invisible now. In fact I’m standing here right behind you.

@Blondesjon

I am giving a big cookie with the whip cream!!! that certainly made me el oh el

On a serious note. I am a lonely person. Quite depressed, and that makes you unnoticed a lot. I am invisible pretty much the whole day, no one really notices me unless they want me to. It really does make me feel sad. But when I am noticed, I am like best friends with whoever.

I guess you could say im quiet, and i need someone to “start me up”

Happens all the time. I’m very quiet until you get to know me. I suppose that’s because I prefer a few good friends instead of many bad ones.

I’ve been invisible a lot, so I have developed the skill of making my farts sound very loud and also smelling really bad, so in case you can’t hear me fart, you’ll smell it eventually.

Yes. Lots of other times, too, but that’s the only concrete example I can think of off the top of my head.

@MacBean – perfect example of what I am talking about.

Well, I am having a really bad day so I may be a bit over sensitive but I am feeling invisible on about 90% of the threads I participate in on Fluther lately. If I go back and look you could remove my answer to no effect. What a waste of time.

Time for a break.

@cak: OK. Group hug it is.

C’mere you…

@Bri_L: None of that talk. Just because I (and others, I’d assume), don’t respond to it doesn’t mean it wasn’t read and/or appreciated.

@Bri_L – Aw, stop it, now. Not true! ::hugs::

@Bri_L Yes, none of that talk. I look forward to your posts! Who else is going to stick up for U2 with me?!

Yes, the past few days I’ve felt incredibly invisible. Kind of average and meaningless. I guess it’s just a funk I’m in. I hope it doesn’t last too much longer. =[

@Allie Maybe it was the full moon. I’ve been in a funk too.

Seems like everyone could use a hug. And a pancake. They’re on me!

@augustlan – OOOH! Thankee kindly, m’am!

Going off of what @adreamofautumn said, when you feel invisible, realize that there are people who still care about you and are willing to do anything for you. This is always true. Those who feel that there isn’t a single soul who worries about them are actually to blame they have inadvertently made that person feel invisible. The thing is, everyone feels invisible every now and then. It’s human and natural. And the second thing is, no matter how hard we try not to make it happen, all of us will be responsible for causing someone else to feel invisible at some time or another. Either we just don’t pick up on their “I am sad” signals, or we are too stressed about our own personal problems that we do not give the other person the attention they deserve.

I have been having a tiring and stressful week due to tons of papers/midterms being due. Today was the worst of the week and I returned home at 8 pm tired and ready to eat my dinner alone and then get started on the next paper. Around 10 pm, someone knocked at my door and it was my best friend and another close friend standing there with a Ben and Jerry’s icecream tub in their hand. Both of them have a major exam coming up too, but they took some time out of studying to drive down and surprise me with some chocolatey goodness and those who know me, know that ice cream is the best delicacy for me. Made me feel very not invisible and also grateful for the friends I have.

The point being, next time one of you feels invisible, I challenge you to think of such a time in your life, or think of your family/friends that you would do anything for and remind yourself of just how unique and special you are to some people. Hint Hint Alls <4

@Bri_L: C’mon, join the group hug.

Thanks, Dev. <4

Sometimes I’ve wished I was invisible.

Yes! I have red hair (oooh, redddd). It’s what everyone pays attention to when they see me. I have a hat that I can hide all of it under (there’s a lot and it is fluffy). When I wear that hat or braid it and wear a wig, I can walk around completely invisible. Friends don’t notice me or recognize me—not even in conversation.

I found this out by wearing the wig for Halloween one year. People I’d known four 4 years had to break down ten minutes into a conversation and admit they had no idea who I was.

@EmpressPixie I’m a redhead, too. Maybe people really were always looking at me!

Sometimes sure as hell fells like it. But when I want to be invisible, like when I trip or something else like that everyone stares.

I’m invisible tonight.

@TitsMcGhee I thought there was somebody prowling my house!

@bobisho: Sadly, it’s not invisible in the good way.

@TitsMcGhee I hope you are seen soon. :)

HI TITSMCGHEE!!! I SEE YOU

@bobisho and @bluedoggiant: Lurve to both of you :) I was invisible tonight in a “wow, people really suck sometimes” kinda way.

@TitsMcGhee. I see you too. You’re easy on the eyes. =)

@Bluefreedom: Aw, my heart is going pitter patter <3

We lick you, Tits. Er… Like! I meant like!

lmao

Bwah!

I really feel invisible lately and it made me think of this question. You sure are missed @Bri_L!

I was just thinking about @Bri_L. I miss his regular presence, too.

@jonsblond Without our avatars, we’re all invisible for the moment. :)

Thanks :-)

@Bri_L Good to see ya! :D

Well there he is! :D

For a few years I got fat and felt miserable and invisible. I can’t know for sure how much was in my head and how much was really the way friends, family and others related to me but it was no good time.

when i was growing up i always felt invisible, i was invisible to my family.how i felt didnt change until i moved out on my own…