How to not be so insecure?

Therapy can help immensely with this issue. It helps to talk with someone who is trained in how to help you discover things about yourself. Sometimes these issues become better resolved when the core cause of the insecurity is discovered and dealt with or at least understood better, and sometimes it takes that outside perspective that a therapist has to discover these.

Definitely go to a therapist. Insecurity is inversely proportional to self esteem and therapy will help you with self esteem. However, don’t throw the baby out with the bathwater…just because you feel uncomfortable with your beautiful wife going to bars to chat with and dance with other guys, it doesn’t mean you have NO REASON to.

Realize that all women are not the same. You will push her away with your insecurity.
She needs personal time, as do you. Unfortunately you have gone through a bad experience that makes you look for every little warning sign. It’s ok to look out for yourself, but try to step back and see if it honestly is something you should worry about. Do you sometimes go out dancing together? Are you welcome to join her and her friends occasionally?

Trust.

“Perform one task each day that scares you.” -Eleanor Roosevelt. You go hangout with friends, or famliy. My fiance enjoys going out with her co-workers and girlfriends to bars. And some days I have to be at work early so I can not join in the fun. If I sit at home and thinking about it, I start feeling reclusive. So I go see a friend, watch a movie, or have my alone time. Women need their space, and if she truely loves you, you have absolutly nothing to worry about. I would just ask, if I were you, her to let me know when she got there, and call when she is on her way home for safety reasons.

I agree with @elijahsuicide. My ex-husband went through what you’re going through, but with me. Did that sentence make sense? The girl he was engaged to before me cheated on him repeatedly and with his brother. So while we were married, he was super paranoid, even though I never gave him reason to be. It sort of made me feel like, “Well, if I’m going to be accused for it, I might as well be doing it”... but of course, I never did. I just thought that in my head. We ultimately got divorced, for other reasons, but he was never able to let go what she did to him.

My advice might be to not vocalize every single worry or fear that you have. That will just make her feel guilty for going out with friends, even though she has no reason to be. Give her the benefit of the doubt. Maybe if she goes out with friends, call one of your buddies to watch a game on TV or something like that. Do something that will keep your mind from wandering while she’s out. When she gets home, ask her if she had a good time, but don’t get too detailed. Don’t interrogate her, you know? Then she might get defensive and will start hiding things from you.

Oh, and finally… Don’t do what my ex would do: We would be out somewhere and guys might stare at me or say hello or whatever. Instead of taking it as a compliment (that obviously they thought I was pretty) and letting me handle the situation by telling them I was married, he would get all macho-man and kind of bow up and give them the “get your eyes off my wife” stare-down. It was utterly humiliating and soooo immature. Please don’t do that to your wife! You said she’s beautiful, and she’s going to be looked at by men and possibly even be approached. Let her handle it. A woman of integrity will be quick to let a man know she’s taken.

Good luck!!

you dont need therapy.
trust your wife.
try to look at yourself through her eyes.
if you two are together she must love you and see something amazing in you.
you just need a boost of self-confidence.