What is the funniest REAL person's name you've ever heard of?
When I worked at AT&T, I helped an old man named Harry Beavers. Cross my heart and hope to die, stick a needle in my eye. I should’ve kept a copy of his CSS for proof.
And if your name is Harry Beavers, I apologize in advance.
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103 Answers
Mrs. Featherbottom from Arrested Development
Dorkus. She was a friend of my wife’s grandmother,
MLB player named Dick Pole
@tinyfaery Blondesjon had a neighbor named Dorcas. I had never heard that name until I met him.
Crystal Chandelier (spelling?). Actually I think Tuesday Thursday is now my new favorite.
My Dorkus was from upstate New York.
Oh, I forgot to add Tequila (pronounced ta-quee-la). I went to school with her.
@tinyfaery Illinois here. I like the spelling of yours better.
My grandma is named Celeman pronounced silly man
My friend went to school (in Little Saigon) with a kid named Phat Phuc, no joke. There were some laughs at graduation.
I had a home ec teacher in middle school, her name was Mrs Ballseizer.
LOL peedub you reminded me of a guy I work with, Phuc Chu. He goes by Steve Chu though, for obvious reasons.
Gay Butts
Dick Swett—- he ran for office when I lived in NH. The signs were all over the neighborhood. My friends would steal them all and decorate their garage loft hangout with them. Everyone thought the signs were being stolen by someone who didn’t like him, but it was just a high school joke.
The last name of one of my supervisors is Assmann. (OZ-Man)
@jonsblond: Is his last name Malorkus?
We had a Ben Gaye and Ben Dover at my high school.
But my favorite is Engelbert Humperdinck, at the moment.
And a friend I know works with someone actually named Oasum Butte.
Say it like Awesome Butt.
Sadly, his caboose is lacking in awesome.
Engelbert Humperdinck the composer of the opera Hansel and Gretel, I presume you mean.
A girl in a teacher friend’s classroom called “Shithead” (pron: shi-tade).
I worked with a man named Rusty Pipes.
My grandmother used to tell us about her friend named Mrs. Fartenhole.
I used to have an acquaintance named Barbara Fatt. She married Andrew N Heine. The announcement made the NYT.
I once worked with both a Sandy Beach and a Tiffany Glass. I have also delivered mail to Suc Cum, Kitty Chow, and my favorite, Anil Ram.
Johnny Triplett (former colleague)
George Dragon (musician friend of mine)
Rimas Kurtinaitis (USSR basketball player, though Vladimir Tkachenko was even harder to say and funnier to look at)
Vigdis Finbogadottir (first female President)
You (no, not you, I had a friend at university called “You”)
Oh I could go on forever…
Czechs turn female names into funny ones:
Annie Lennoxova, Britney Spearsova, Anjelina Jolieva…
and I have a niece called Tumbelina
I forgot another. A co-worker of mine told me he and his wife once had a boarder staying with them who’s last name was Swallows. She was a seaman in either the Coast Guard or the Navy.
As bad as that must have been for her, imagine if she had been a man in the military called Seaman Swallows.
We had a National Guard fellow here a few years ago, Private Blumkin. I shit thee not. We took a picture of his name tag.
@astro- my brother’s favorite navy prank was calling “Seaman Stains, to the laundry…” over the intercom
I went to school with a Mike Hunt. I’ve met a Robin Banks. My driver’s ed teacher was Mr. Carr.
I’ve met several people with odd names. A truck driver named Myron Drab. A salesman named Rusty Boldt. My old heart specialist was named Snodgrass. Another truck driver with the last name Philpot. another whose last name is Butts. I once met a guy named Joseph Goehring. He admitted being related to the notorious Goering of WW2 fame, but like many German families, his father changed the spelling upon coming to America.
People with odd and humorous names makes my job interesting. There are a lot of Germans around here, and some of those surnames can be rather humorous.
There was a guy in high school named Todd Faggerskog. Oddly enough, I don’t remember a lot of teasing.
Also, there’s a guy at work who is fortunate enough to have the name of Yuk Yu.
He goes by Wayne.
Oh, galileogirl, that’s priceless.
My cousin’s husband’s name was Richard Dick – WHY would anyone do that to their kid?
Krystal Snow White was my 7th grade history teacher, and I go to school with a kid named Nom No.
You should bite him and see if he is delicious.
OM NOM NOM.
I also knew of a girl named Candy Barr.
@tinyfaery- Dorcas was a common name for girls at one time.
@mangeons- Ha! I had just corrected it and see that you already caught my misspelling.
Both Agatha Christie and Elizabeth George used “Dorcas” as the name of a servant.
That’s a bit insulting nowadays. Or well, it would be.
As did Robert A. Heinlein in Stranger in a Strange Land.
I knew a kid whose first name was Rowdy-Time.
@juniper His parents should be punished.
@chyna If names are self-fulfilling prophecies, then they probably have been.
I knew a guy with the last name Grosskopf, but that’s only unfortunate if you know German (translated, it’s Fathead). He told me that his (Jewish) ancestors were too poor to get a decent name for the family when the government came around forcing surnames on people.
Professor named Harry Dick.
Two girls in Delta Zeta Criss Cross & April Mae Schnauer (pronounced Shower)
Cruel College – as freshman they were dorm roommates.
A man who I used to work with Dick Cary (he would sign under his name, athletic supporter)
I remember a customer at the print shop where I used to work, his name was Jack Dye, and he told me he had a daughter in law who was named Ellie May. I thought that was pretty funny.
Bozo Peavey Heffelfinger
Shithead pronounced Sha – theed
My mama had a customer come in once and his name was Harry Booty. True story I swear!
@asmonet: His name is Nom NO. I’d take that as a warning and assume that he is NOT delicious!
My father knew someone in college named Sukh Mah Wong.
My brother was a camp counselor last summer, and had a kid named Shithead (pronounced Shih-theede).
My family spent hours and hours laughing at Ick Himoff. Funny, horribly embarrassing, story goes along with that one.
My teacher has a son named Rocko Babe.
—And I still think Moon Unit and Dweazle Zappa are pretty bad.
My second grade teacher’s name was (is) Belvedere Pusich.
I have a cousin named April May and it`s not Mae it`s like the month May and her mama said that she was born in June so….. yea.
I once researched and wrote an article on names and name magic (onomancy) and sold it to a magazine. One of my chief resources was a book called Remarklable Names of Real People, by John Train. He mentioned Ima Hogg (cited above), of the proud old Texas family. Here are some more. In addition I can remember only these two:
Forty Three Ford
Mary Rhoda Duck
Oh, celebrity baby names. The whole Zappa clan is poorly-named. Moon Unit, Diva Thin Muffin Pigeen, Dweezil and Ahmet Emuukha Rodan.
Who else wants to punch Ving Rhames in the goddamn head for naming his kid Reignbeau? Or Jermaine Jackson for naming his Jermajesty.
when people name their kids do they even stop and think, will this name get my child beat up on the playground? I guess celebrities don`t have to worry, they can just hire body guards.
I’m in high school and I aleady have a prepared list of about 30 child names and rising. All of which are symbolic of something and I’ve checked them for any potential to be made fun of.
My cousins know a Sandy and Chuckie (sounds like chunky) Krapp.
Mrs. Winterbottom: customer at a gallery I worked at.
Telephone: first name of my wife’s family friend.
Ronald McDonald: kid I grew up with.
A male customer at a business I worked at: Gaye Love.
A couple:
Ding Dong Vang: Pronounced Ding Dong Bang
Dick Bacon: This name is funny on it’s own, but what makes it really funny is Mr. Bacon was a local nudist in Milwaukee who sunned himself, naked of course, in a little round enclosure on a beach on Lake Michigan. And yes, when he was on his back, well, Dick was Bakin’.
When I was a kid we knew a guy named Dick Brain, even as a 13 year-old I wondered why he didn’t go by Richard. There is a girl in one of the classes I observe named Abracadabra.
My vote for goofiest made up name goes to Dr. Spaceman (pronounced spa-che-man) from 30 Rock.
Any guys wanna huddle up with Dick Butkus?
Oh, there’s the psycho shrink on Adult’s Swim’s Metalocalypse cartoon who’s name is spelled Twinkletits, but is pronounced Twink-LET-its.
And then, of course, there’s Monty Python’s Raymond Luxury-Yacht, but as he’ll tell you, it’s pronounced Throatwarbler Mangrove.
@MacBean: My mama always said I had to at least try a bite of new foods. Don’t knock it till you have a taste. It may be a clever ploy to get me to not eat him. NOM Yes!
Millenium Stargate
Deloris Winkleplek
April, May & June Summers (Triplets I went to HS with)
Orangejello (pronounced Or-ang-ja-lo)
I just heard this name on the radio yesterday a lady got pulled over by a cop and he thought her name was fake. A listener confirmed she knew her.
Name: Marijuaua Pepsi-Cola Jackson
I did know a girl in college (those were very smoky days) named Mary Warner. She was as straight as they come and didn’t get why people thought her name was funny.
@cprevite reminded me of my high school gym coach, Donald McDonald. Honestly, who does that to a kid?!
On the radio they were telling weird names and one mans name was Rusty Cods.
Lillian Billian was the name on one of the insurance cards I processed in my first office job.
I was one of many fans of Toppie Smellie, a white-haired old lady who was featured in a testimonial ad for Shake-n-Bake in the seventies. My husband and I used to cheer when she came on. You can still find many references to her through Google.
The McDonalds are probably proud of their clan name and don’t see anything funny about “Donald son of Donald.” I know plenty of John Johnsons and Gerald Fitzgeralds and Andy Andersons, don’t you? How about William Williams and Thomas Thomas? I do wonder why people do that, but it’s not as if they didn’t notice.
I also knew a guy whose name was the same as his brother’s. His older brother had been named Jerry, but when he was a few years old, his parents decided “Jerry” didn’t suit him. So they started calling him by his middle name. But they still wanted to call a son Jerry, so when my acquaintance was born, they named him Jerry and called him that. You have to wonder about people like that, don’t you?
theres people named james james
There seems to be a lot of John Johnson’s too.
Cool my last name is Johnson but there is no John Johnson`s in my family.
Wow, I just stumbled onto this list. Some strike me as being of dubious authenticity, but others are too peculiar to be invented.
There’s an insurance agent in my town named Yvette Brunette.
I love the name Sean Bean because it looks like it should rhyme but doesn’t.
My grandfather is named William Hinde (rhymes with lined). He goes by Bill Hinde. Which his friends then shortened to B. Hinde. They proceeded to call him ‘butt’.
I went to high school with a girl named Amunique.
Harry Boner
not even kidding
substitute teacher in my High School.
Let’s not forget House minority leader John Boehner.
I know a voiceover artist named Dick Rodstein. I can’t believe I forgot about him. I used to hire him for a lot of jobs at the corporate media house where I worked. He takes his name in stride and is the first to make jokes about it.
You all know what he sounds like too.
I also just remembered William Carlos Williams.
And how much I hate those FUCKING poems about those FUCKING plums and that FUCKING wheelbarrow. Get over it, you free verse motherfucker.
I love William Carlos Wlliams!
Well said, Tits.
Balzac probably didn’t get much grief in his native country, but he made class interesting for my friends and I.
I went to school with Alegra Baca translation Happy Top
However since the Spanish “V” sounds like a soft “B” it may sound like Happy Cow.
In Spanish “B” is only pronounced softly like a “V” when it falls between vowels.
Alegra = Joy.
Baca is something on top of your car that holds luggage.
“Vaca” means “cow.” Maybe “baca” is a variation.
You could be right. Since “V” starts out the word vaca it would be pronounced hard and almost identically as a “B”.
I am visiting with my cousins at their beach house. The landscaper is here. His name is Mason Dixon.
Chris Cringle. The grumpiest man in the world, because every time he met someone he had to explain that Yes, he actually had the same name as Santa.
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