What's your favorite anti-joke?
Asked by
phoenyx (
7406
)
March 16th, 2009
Observing members:
0
Composing members:
0
36 Answers
Probably any good aristocrats attempt.
Why can’t Helen Keller be president?
Because she’s dead.
Said entirely straightfaced. 50/50 shot of making someone laugh or making them give you a weird look. Bonus, most of the time people say because she’s a woman. Ha! Sexists, the lot of you!
Not sure if this counts??
Whats brown and sticky?
A stick.
@asmonet…I believe Helen Keller herself summed it up when she said, “MWAHNA BAAAAH SHEPTHHPRT BLEEEARGH!!!”.
last time i made a reference to hellen keller in a joke, i dislocated my knee and like pulled something in it about 1 second after, just walking across the classroom.
soo i think i’m going to slowly back away from this thread
<straight face, monotone delivery>
A little boy was late for school and the teacher asked him what caused the delay
He looked solemnly into her eyes and answered,
“I was following a slow dog.”
Does “A guy walked into a bar and said ‘Ow’” count? That always makes me snicker a little, as does the stick one critter mentioned.
How many illegal aliens does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One.
Why can Helen Keller drive a car?
Because she’s a woman.
@critter1982: Damn it! That’s mine! I love that one. >:) Good choice.
@Blondesjon: That reminds me of one of my other favorite Helen Keller jokes. One of my best friends, Zack (who is gay and has always made it a point to be tolerant of all people and become their defender against idiots), told it to me in the middle of the night at a lake with swans waddling around us and swimming about. Full moon, just a lovely oddly perfect night. Suddenly, he turns to me and with the best poker face I have ever seen, asks me the following:
Zack: Why did Helen Keller’s dog run away, asmo? Why would he?
Me: Uh…I don’t know, did he really?—
Zack: YOU WOULD TO IF YOUR NAME WAS NAAHMMNAMMBAMBAMNAAAAAMMUUUUUH.
Me: What. The. Shit. Laughing.
Long pause.
Zack: …Are there any more Doritos?
Seriously. Sometimes I turn around, and he’s just being ridiculous.
So a baboon and a priest walk into a bar and sit down. The bartender says “hey no baboons allowed”. So the baboon rips off the bartenders face and terrorizes the customers.
This is an old one.
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
Because he was dead.
Hey, I’ve got one:
Knock.
Why do women use make-up and perfume?
Because they’re ugly and they smell.
@AstroChuck: I’ve heard you tell that before. New material, please. :)
No less cute though.
You look like a Little Rascal when I see that avatar next to silly jokes.
@critter1982 some similar jokes:
What are warm and ugly?
uggs
(works better spoken than typed)
What is small and grubby?
a grub
What is loud and ***?
a horn
Fine, asmonet.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because his junk itched and there was a drug store across the street.
There. Never used that one before. Happy?
A duck goes into a pharmacy. He says to the pharmacist, “I need some ointment for my beak. It is very chapped.” The pharmacist says, “We have nothing for ducks here.”
I won’t tell the whole thing, but it goes on about 10 minutes and ends with FUCK YOU CLOWN.
What’s an anti-joke? Is it similar to an un-birthday? :D
@saranwrapper: I’m intrigued. :)
@mangeons: Boo! Not clicking links people take the time to copy and paste! Hang your head in shame.
Silly ‘Mo. IT WAS A JOKE. I’m protesting anti-jokes. PLUS, I’m too lazy to read those wiki articles. I don’t like reading informative things… besides Fluther.
Hrm…
Q:Why couldn’t Barack Obama be a math teacher?
A:Because he’s too busy being the president.
I just came up with that on the spot. I feel like a dork, but I’m PROUD of it! :D
My very favorite is to ask somebody, “Hey, ask me if I’m a truck.”
When they ask, “Are you a truck?”
I answer “No.”
Joker: Is your refrigerator running?
Jokee: Yes
Joker: You better go run after it.
Still not sure if that counts as an anti-joke, but I used to tell that one to my friends on the playground in 5th grade…....and it’s still funny.
What did the Blind Pollack ask the Iranian cab driver?
Can you take me to twenty-third and ninth? I’m late for a doctor’s appointment.
I just had me a little strawberry shortcake to eat. A whole bunch of kids were crying and only one cop laughed. they hate me at toys r’ us
that one is mine
psh, i totally knew that lil monkey.
You know how folks say in times of confusion, “When in doubt, whip it out.”?
Well, that doesn’t fly when you’re having trouble picking out chips at the grocery store.
they hate me at piggly wiggly
My paradigm just shifted. Now I only got 19 cents…
A baby seal walks into a club.
Answer this question 
This question is in the General Section. Responses must be helpful and on-topic.
Composing members:
0
