It’s been very difficult to be without fluther. I’ve been feeling like I’ve lost a member of my family. It’s actually made me sick.
Some people might wonder why I deleted my account. I will try to explain.
I asked a question, and got it taken down because it was a “poll-type” question. I hadn’t known that there was a vendetta against poll questions, and was told to look at the guidelines. I checked, and they said nothing about it either. Then I was told that it would be added soon. I felt burned that some new rule was being applied before it had been published.
Then I realized that if fluther was going after poll questions, then probably more than half of my questions would get taken down. I think I said “all” my questions would be taken down, because they are all poll questions. I should know from polls. Poll questions are my livelihood. Then I was told it was really “this or that” questions that only required a yes or no.
This upset me again, because question I asked specifically asked for more than a yes or no. It asked people to give examples of their answers. I felt like I was being picked on in an arbitrary and capricious way. Moderators tried to tell me why they took it down, but the more they said, the more unreasonable it got. I didn’t know who I was talking to. I didn’t know who had made the decision. It was like fighting a schmoo. You push in here, and it sticks out there.
I tried to say this in a public forum as well as in PMs. Uberbatman told me that if I didn’t like it, I could always leave. I thought this was stupid, but it was also true. This is a private place, and the owners can do whatever they want. So I felt like my voice didn’t matter. fluther could make decisions I considered ill-advised, and it didn’t matter what anyone thought, and I was included in the anyone.
I felt betrayed. I had tried very hard to help the community. I tried hard to ask good questions, so people could have fun answering them and learn something about each other. So I asked poll questions right and left. I guess I was doing the wrong thing.
I still don’t understand what fluther is looking for. I guess they want it to be an informational place, asking questions that have a specific answer. It has nothing to do with community, after all.
I left Askville because it became too much like high school, with cliques forming here and there, and in groups, and attacking people the cliques didn’t like and driving them away. The only thing Askville really cared about was that you didn’t swear. On fluther, I heard, you could swear, and discuss things in an adult way. So I came here. I enjoyed the freedom, and adult conversation. Now, it seems, that is being destroyed. The rules are clamping down, and not even in an understandable way. Moderators can be capricious and arbitrary, and there is nothing you can do.
I had thought that if you worked hard, and tried to help build the community, that you would be given the benefit of the doubt. I guess not. I realized then, that my contributions weren’t truly appreciated. Sure, the moderators said they were, in private, but in public, they did something different. The whole thing seemed so unfair. So wrong. It feels wrong to the core of me.
So I learned that I could not trust fluther. I decided to take Uberbatman’s advice, and leave. Honestly, I didn’t want to make a fuss about it. I hate it when people threaten this or that, and never do it. It seems like a ploy for attention. So I just left. Of course, I missed it instantly. I also wondered if anyone noticed that I was gone. As someone noted, you can use a new identity and lurk, and so I saw that people did notice I was gone, but most people seemed to support the moderators. This saddens me, because I honestly don’t know if I have a place here. It is too picky.
I am a person who bears several stigmas. I don’t think like the conventional voices in society. fluther was a chance for me to speak my truth, and to talk about the things I really think about, but never talk about. Now I am being shut down.
Some people want me to stick around. Others don’t. It’s not a referendum, but the truth is that I do care what other people think, and if I feel judged, it’s hard to feel comfortable.
I write my questions with thought. When I choose to put them up in one form or another, I do it for a reason. I know fluther doesn’t like story telling questions, and they don’t like questions designed to let people be silly or creative. I try to see how far I can go, sometimes, although mostly I have stayed within the bounds, because I really don’t like being modded. I like to be a good boy. Sometimes it gets too restrictive to be a good boy. You find yourself breaking rules all over the place. Rules you didn’t know existed.
I want to stay away, because I fear what this place is becoming, and I don’t want to go down with the ship. I guess I don’t have to. I’m not captain. However, I miss the people, and I miss being pushed to think about various things. I’m willing to start over, since daloon has been taken. In any case, lurve really doesn’t matter, except to show that people appreciate things you’ve said.
I’m sorry that this has been a rambling, repetitive missive. It’s late, I’ve been crying, and I don’t know if I’m doing the right thing. Well, I’m sure you’ll tell me. flutherers always respond, even if it’s only to say that was too long, so I won’t read it.