Should I break the promise?

So you are saying that he does not respect what is important to you?

Why abstain? Really, you don’t know what your missing. You should get rid of that stupid ring or you will lose your man, trust me, no normal man would stick around if abstained

Sorry, I meant to say “if you abstained”

@dog- of course, that is how men are

What do YOU want to do? If you really respect your religion, then maybe the boyfriend isn’t worth it. You might lose him, but it would be worth it to uphold your beliefs. Don’t let him guilt you into doing something you’ll regret when you break up. And you will break up.

Has he made it clear that he expects you to have intercourse with him? Have you made it clear that you plan to abstain until you are married? Talk to him, be sure you understand his intentions and that he understands yours. If this boy wants you to break a religious promise that is very important to you, he does not have your best interest at heart. Contrary to what others might say, there are men out there who will respect your wish to abstain. Personally I wouldn’t be with a man who wouldn’t. Be true to yourself and your beliefs, if he has a problem with that, move on.

don’t listen to @allen_o

I doubt he expects sex when he comes to visit. Talk to him when he comes, tell him how important the promise is to you. Tell him you want to continue your relationship, get to know him more and have fun…you don’t have to have sex for that.

He has no right over what you do with your body. It’s your choice completley.

Welcome to the collective. Give this a lot of thought. Here are some factors to consider while you are thinking about what to do:

1. Whatever you do, you don’t want to make the ring and the promise meaningless. So, if you decide to have sex with your boyfriend, take the ring off and renounce the promise. That way you are not lying to yourself and others.

2. Instead of worrying about this, ask your boyfriend what he is thinking. Also, tell him your decision in advance. Do not leave any doubts beforehand.

3. Long distance relationships almost never work. They have all the pressures of a normal relationship plus no shared experiences to help you grow and stay closer. I would think hard before breaking my promise for someone who is only in my life for a visit, and may be out of my life soon.

4. Relationships when you are young tend not to last long. Even first loves. Are you OK that if you have sex, you will likely end up breaking up with this guy anyway?

5. As casheroo said, alleno is full of it. Any guy who would not want to respect your promise or who would break up with you if you did not have sex with him is not worth being with anyway. He is also just as likely to break up with you when he gets tired of the sex.

Take your time. Think about what is right for you. Think beyond this visit to how you will feel in six months or a year.

It is your body and your decision. If he doesn’t respect your choices then he isn’t the right guy for you. If he really cares about you he will understand and respect you. Don’t break the promise you made to yourself because you are afraid of losing him, he isn’t worth you disregarding your principals.

Like others, I agree that it is your choice, and if he doesn’t respect it, then he’s not a good man for you.

Having said that, I wonder about the circumstances under which you decided to put on this purity ring. It is easy to be persuaded to do something you would not otherwise do, if you are in a very enthusiastic crowd who are all urging each other to do this. It can be impossible to say no, if that is how you actually feel.

Religions are coercive, just as people can be. We are influenced by others in this way all the time. If purity really is your choice (as in, you would have chosen it without the church encourageing or pressuring you to do so), then it’s really a bad sign if he doesn’t respect that.

However, if this is not really your choice, or it is an uncertain choice, or it is a choice you would not have made had there been no pressure, then it is a lie to wear that ring. If that is the case, do what Marina said and take off the ring and renounce the promise.

If you break your promise, you are letting him know your promises mean nothing. If he loves you, saving yourself for him on your wedding day, honors him and yourself.

If you loose him because of sex, or lack of, then he was not truly in love with you.

You say it’s a long-distance relationship. Has it always been a long-distance relationship? If so, you’re probably more in love with your image of what he might be than with the reality of who he is, and vice versa.

You have to decide what’s appropriate for you. You don’t say what motivated you to get the promise ring; are you frequently tempted to have sex, and this is a reminder not to? Are you part of a student or youth group where all the girls are wearing promise rings? Why are you suddenly so concerned about the promise and the ring? (These are not questions you have to answer publicly, but what matters here is the reasons behind your decisions and not the decisions themselves, and asking “why?” a lot is the best way to get there.)

So I’d say that right now you need to clarify your views on premarital sex. If you think it’s only appropriate to wait until marriage, then you need to let this guy know that. It might mean losing him; since it’s a long-distance relationship, he’s probably already 3/4 lost to begin with. If you’re wearing a promise ring because all of your friends are, and you don’t really believe in the promise, then you should take it off and be honest with yourself and with your friends.

Purity rings are so lame, sex can be enjoyable and safe with the right precautions, don’t listen to these people, they probably haven’t had a good shag in years

I second the response of not listening to @allen_o. On that note…you should do what you believe in. Don’t feel pressured. If he can’t respect your decisions than maybe it’s time to start looking for someone that will.

thank you everyonefor your responces. and for all intensive purposes, I got the purity ring because I wanted it, not because of my religion, that had nothing to do with my decision. thanks for your input:)