Ways to deal with a child who has lost a loved one?

Aw.. good question.. talk about her followed by (or including) something pleasant?
Sorry for your loss, jmah!

think of ways to remember her together. make photo collages or visit her grave, let her know that you think about her too.

Encourage her to talk about grandma. She IS dealing with it by talking about her. At 4 it can be scary as her memories start to fade. Sounds like she is doing what she needs to do. The kids that have the real problems are the kids that just “stuff it.” This little girl seems to be doing the healthy thing.

I don’t know if you like to read with her or if she likes to draw, but here are a couple of books you might consider:

Help me say goodbye

and

Badger’s Parting Gifts

I second Badger, those are amazing.

I think the important thing is not to change the subject. She is dealing with it as @Judi said. Also, allowing her to express her sadness, and helping her remember the good times all will help her develop a healthy grieving experience. But she is grieving, and that needs to be respected. I wouldn’t make light of it, or tell her it’s enough time, and she should get over it.

Thank-you, everyone. I feel that she wants to talk about it more, but is worried that she’ll upset her Mom and I (she doesn’t want us to feel “sad”). @suzyq2463 I’m going to order those books. Thanks!

@jmah ; I have a friend who’s daughter (a young mother in her 20’s) just died. I ordered the books @suzyq2463 suggested for her too. I also saw one called Sad Isn’t Bad that looked good too.

My son, a few days away from turning 6, starts talking about my dad (died in January) out of the blue and often. Sometimes, it does hurt to talk about my dad, but I know he needs to work through how he feels about losing his Papa. At times, I’m close to tears, or I do cry – but it’s okay. We both miss him, it’s okay to show those feelings.

When I am talking to him about my dad, I try to bring up different memories. I tell him, when he tells me he is angry that papa had to go to heaven, that it’s okay to be angry; however, it is something no one had any control over – it was just his time to go.

Usually, the conversations are pretty short, but they are important.

Keep those lines of communication open. I wish you all the best.

My son lost his father when he was 7. The advice given this far is excellent. One other thing that comes to mind is that I recall my son saying how it bothered him that be couldn’t remember his father as well as be once could… your daughter may be instinctively trying to keep those memories active by talking about her. If you and her mother feel comfortable talking about it, then do so—it will likely be beneficial to everyone!

As a girl that lost her father to suicide last year when I was 14. The absolute worst thing you can do is tell your child how to feel.