What is your reaction if someone assigns a negative trait to you, but considers it a good thing?

I often say people are weird, and I don’t get why people take that as an insult. Weird doesn’t mean that I don’t like you, it just means that you’re not like everyone else, which is a good thing, to me at least.

Backhanded compliments are not compliments.

I’ll take a compliment whenever I can get it, back handed or not.

My girlfriend wrote me this poem for valentines day.

“You’re not all together, and goofy
You’re humor is sometimes crude
You’re mind is dirty and at times perverted
You’re at times an asshole

You’re lazy, and forgetful
You also watch a lot of porn
You’re risky, and like the idea of being caught
You’re blunt and speak your mind.

You’re a pain in the ass
You’re at times, a little slow
You’re a smart ass, and cocky
You rather sleep, than do something productive.

But then again your there
But then again you care
But then again you love me
But most of all you make me smile

And for all of this I love you….”

90% negative but at the same time one of the nicest gifts ive been given.

Depends on all circumstances involved. The instance being addressed, who is making the statement, the tone in which he/she says it, the actual “compliment” itself, etc. My best friends can tell me that sort of stuff and it’s ok, but if it’s a shady acquaintance it might not be so much.

@uberbatman, Too bad she misspelled the word you’re seven times, great poem otherwise. I feel I know you better for it. :-)

I suppose it depends on the context. Generally I won’t take something like that as a compliment or an insult, and we’ll probably have a nice conversation about the topic.

I don’t like it when people compliment me about something that I hate about myself and is generally not considered a good thing. For example, when people tell me I’m cute because I’m short, it kind of pisses me off because, while they may not realize this, it is patronizing. I guess those kind of compliments bother me.

@evelyns_pet_zebra no, thats my dumb ass that misspelled it…... remember im a little slow :P

Edit: fixed the spelling errors above :P

To answer the question, I’ve gotten my fair share of left handed compliments over the years, and I usually can tell when someone is being facetious or sincere. Of course, that’s in person, so I can read facial expressions and body language. Online, it is a bit harder to tell whether or not someone is being playful or is just being an asshole.

when someone says they fucking hate my guts online, I’m pretty sure I know what they mean.

I think I’d laugh about it, regardless of whether I perceived it as a veiled insult or not. I know I’ve given such compliments when a “negative” trait someone had ended up being just what a situation needed.

@KatawaGrey hopefully you won’t think this is patronizing, but I always tell my short statured friends that if their feet reach the ground, they are tall enough for me.

but of course, they also get the slightly amusing dig about sitting on the curb and being able to swing their legs.

Context, context, context. Which has already been mentioned, but I wanted to add my two cents. It’s also the kind of thing that, if they’re important to me, I can generally talk to them about it, and if they’re not important, their opinion generally doesn’t matter enough for said comment to have much relevance.

I normally get sort of confused-quizzical-offended.

I’ve been called a bitch with unflattering adjectives several times, generally in a PM because if someone does it in an open discussion they usually open themselves for criticism. I don’t take it personally because no one here knows me. Whether someone compliments or insults you it is generally based on 20 words you wrote. We are all way too complex for that.

I do take a perverse pleasure in ‘misunderstanding’ what the insulter said and see if I can politely drive him crazy,

I’ve always wondered how to take those kind of “back-handed” compliments (if they can be called that).

I had a student tell me that on particularly difficult cases i tend to become overly focused and on occasion “Channel Dr. House”... did he just call me an asshole or a good doctor? or both? i can’t tell and i’m not about to ask the kid… he seems nice enough though.

@galileogirl: I love doing that! If someone just says something really rude, you turn it around on them. I believe the term is “yessing them to death.”

@evelyns_pet_zebra: That sounds nice. The problem I have is when people put so much emphasis on it. When I tell people I always wanted to be at least 6 feet tall, I get all sorts of sexist comments about how I would be too tall for the boys that way or that women are cuter when they are short. In all honesty, I just want to reach stuff.

I don’t like it, just because one person sees a negative as a positive doesn’t mean anyone else does. Best to not point things out that need not be mentioned.

I don’t think you are a bitch, you just spell like one.<;P

[mod says] Text speak removed.

Now, to answer the question. My first instinct would be to feel insulted. My second instinct (if I valued their opinion) would be to dig deeper, and find out if what they’ve said about me is true. If so, and I’m unhappy about it, the next step would be to work on changing that aspect of myself.

Plotting my revenge is always an option. :-)

If someone wants to give me an unusual compliment or assign me a negative trait that isn’t personally demeaning or insulting to me but instead, sets me apart and makes me unique from others in a weird but appealing type of way, I’m not going to get too fired up about it. I like having idiosyncracies.

I’d like to clarify: I don’t mind being called weird, unusual, straight-laced or any other ‘iffy’ thing. I was specifically thinking of ‘bitch’ or something equally derogatory.

@galileogirl: At least I PM someone rather than speaking about them in vague generalities on the question they asked. I think it takes more balls to tell someone as directly as possible than to just allude to them. Just putting it out there.

@augustlan: Yeah, I was referring more to being called a bitch or something else that is obviously negative. I never actually considered “weird” or “unique” to be a negative thing.

@TitsMcGhee Just to be clear… galileogirl wasn’t referring to you in her “I don’t think you’re a bitch” comment, but the answer right above hers, which was filled with textspeak.

@augustlan: Oh no, I’m talking about the first one she made.

Oh, I see. I wouldn’t have guessed she was referring to you. Hidden meanings, I presume?

Oh, there were allusions galore!

Actually I wasn’t referring to Tits, in case anyone is interested. I like to do the clueless thing to kids who complain about their teachers and parents most often. They take themselves so seriously.

@galileogirl: You’re PMing students? Hmm.

Well I communicate with students by email, is that what you are talking about, Tits? I wonder what that means to you. Everyone I work with has a web site and most of us have email links there. Several of my former students IM me. Do you think that worth commenting on? Hmmm?

[mod says] Settle down, kids.

Sorry @augustlan Tits and I were just giving an example of what the question was about. <:}

@TitsMcGhee & @galileogirl…You two just need to kiss and get it over with. The sexual tension when the two of you are on the same thread anymore is so thick you could crash a car into it.

bitch
cocky
obnoxious
loud
over-confident

…i take it alllll as a compliment.
i have more friends than you would think with these adjectives being assigned to me… im just loud and outgoing, i love who i am, and people know not to mess with me.

@Blondesjon: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWW. That was uncalled for!

Ditto

Being overly sensitive in the first place, and not feeling like I’m ever good enough, I tend to take “front-handed” compliments as criticism. I would certainly interpret a back-handed compliment as a criticism, although not as an insult, since I already am convinced of my inadequacy in all areas. I really don’t know why I see myself this way, since it’s not as if I haven’t done good things. Somehow, I just can’t seem to stay focused on that, and I slip back into this incorrect view of myself.

@daloonagain i don’t see how someone so insightful and obviousli intelligent can have such a low self image… all i can tell you (and i think i speak for the majority) is that your posts are thoroughly enjoyed and it’s always great to see you online.

We all lurve you.

That’s what the wrong brain chemicals do to you. I don’t understand it either. So many theories my therapist has. I don’t know. That’s what happens.

@TitsMcGhee & @galileogirl…the thinly veiled insults and bared teeth are?

A vaudeville act we are going to take on the road with the USO