If you had a homosexual child, would you be disappointed?

Not in any way.

no. anyone who would care probably doesn’t matter.

Only if she was unhappy.

I was just having this conversation with my boyfriend over lunch.

No, I wouldn’t be disappointed at all. I would be happy my (future, hypothetical) child feels comfortable telling me, and I might even be disappointed in myself if my kid felt like I might not be totally accepting.

Good luck. :)

I know this sounds lame, but I would be proud that my kid listened to whatever their heart said to do and not what society tells them is “right and normal.”

I would only be disappointed if that child felt unable to entrust me with that knowledge. Not knowing your parents, of course, I cannot say how they might feel. But if they haven’t shown any homophobic tendencies, I’m sure that you would do far better to tell them than to risk injuring them by hiding it.

@Likeradar

I thought I should add that my parents have both told me that they wouldn’t care if I was gay. What’s keeping me from telling them? I’m kind of embarrassed, I don’t want my brother to know really, I just want to wait until at college and on my own.

@Jayne

Judging by the fact that I’m kind of obviously gay (I have some stereotypical aspects about me) and that my mom has hinted at my being gay a few times, they probably have a pretty good idea. Though since they have never asked me if I was, it makes it seem like they don’t want me to feel like I have to tell them until I’m ready to make it known.

i certainly wouldn’t be upset about it, and i’d support them in any way that they needed.

@Dansedescygnes, i’m glad your parents seem to be accepting of you regardless. i hope you can become more comfortable with telling your family though, and that things work out as well as they can. (:

yes, but i’m going to avoid having kids, so it doesn’t really matter.

I’d be worried about the difficulties they would face, and I would be disappointed in those they found that couldn’t accept them.

But I would never think differently of them for a moment.

@Dansedescygnes Why are you afraid of your brother knowing? And what’s to be embarrassed about?
If your parents have already brought it up, I bet they’re hoping you’ll trust them enough to tell them.

I wouldn’t be disappointed. My child would still be my child. As long as they were living honestly and were at peace with themselves and with who they were, that is all I’d be concerned about.

@_Liz

Maybe a good reason then that you won’t have kids? Because I’d sure hate to have a parent that would be disappointed to have me.

I would be momentarily saddened to know that my child may face some prejudice that they wouldn’t if they were heterosexual, but otherwise, no, not at all.

I still remember how my mother summed up her observations of my siblings, one hetero and one (at the time unofficially) gay: “I think your brother likes women too much and so does your sister.” I think my brother has had more difficulty in light of that observation than my sister has actually, since he has made three marriages, two of them unfortunate, while she seems to have a full and content life.

After recovering from the shock of having a child, I’d be thrilled, so I wouldn’t care what he or she had for a sexual orientation. I’d be a daddy!

@Likeradar

I’m not afraid of him knowing, I’m just kind of embarrassed of having him and my dad know because they’re both straight males…I don’t know…I know it’s crazy, it’s just the way I feel. My brother is not exactly a big manly man either, he’s skinny and unathletic, but I don’t know, it makes me feel like a sissy sometimes.

No, but I would worry about my child and how society would respond to him. I would have no problem accepting his sexuality and I would hope he would be afraid to tell me about his preference.

Unfortunately, we live in a cruel world. I would worry about how others would treat him.

I love both of my children, unconditionally. Sexuality would not change how I felt about either of them.

Hello no. Why does everyone have such a hang up about what adults do in the privacy of their own bedrooms? What if your child was a heterosexual that was into bondage and rough sex? What if they enjoyed felching? What if they were into the whole “put a diaper on me I’m a baby” thing? See how ridiculous it sounds when you remove the “gay” from it?

Not at all. I’d be disappointed if they didn’t think they could talk to me about it, but I wouldn’t be disappointed. In fact i’d look on the bright side (much like my mum did) and say “woo no accidental grandkids!”

Yes, from a selfish perspective. But his happiness would be paramount.

@Darwin: Your mom made me lol4rl. :)

No, but I would be upset in that my child would be facing an extra hardship in life that I wouldn’t want for him/her. Not upset, mind you, that s/he’s gay. Only that s/he’d have a harder life because of it. I’d also, naturally, work to make sure that wasn’t true as much as possible.

But if not that, than something else—no one has a perfect life. And honestly, as least I’d be prepared for this one.

I am a bisexual girl – i came out to my parents last summer right in the middle of their separation (i was out of town and unaware there were any issues w/ their relationship)

My mother refused and still refuses to acknowledge my decision ( a day after she found out she hacked my myspace and read every message i wrote to my friends and girlfriend)

My father wishes that i were straight but reminds me he doesn’t mind talking to me about my “homosexual interests” and tells me constantly he still loves me despite my sexuality.

I would be happy/ proud that my son/daughter could be open to tell me – I would be a little sad though because not everyone is approving of homosexuals and i wouldn’t want anyone to harass or belittle my child

@asmonet – My mother is a very astute observer and has a way with words. I don’t know if she expected that particular turn of phrase to stick with me so well (it has been a good 40 years since she said it), but I have always enjoyed her persipacity.

@Dansedescygnes I wouldn’t be disappointed to have the kid, I’d be disappointed in what they were doing. there’s a difference

I wouldn’t be upset. I guess I would be more upset if my child struggled internally with the decision to tell me, as I hope I have always made it evident how I feel.
From what I get from your posts in this thread, your family already knows. It just hasn’t been verbally confirmed yet.

I would love and support them just as much, but yes, I would be a little disappointed. Not that there was anything distasteful about them being gay, but because it isn’t the life I envisioned for them.

@_Liz

It’s not a choice, Liz. I can’t help what I’m attracted to.

@The_unconservative_one

What do you mean by “it isn’t the life you envisioned for them”?

@Dansedescygnes I haven’t decided on my stance as far as people choosing their sexuality. It seems some people like the same sex since birth, and others choose it later…who knows.

@_Liz

No one has ever been able to explain to me how to “choose” your sexuality. From birth and “choosing” are not mutually exclusive either. A lot of people discover it later on, but they don’t choose it. Some people know for a fact that they’re bisexual, for example, and then later realize they’re gay. I certainly did not choose anything. I’ve been gay ever since I’ve been able to feel sexual attraction and I’ve never been attracted to females before.

It’s a difficult question to answer. As a parent, I’d want my children to have it easier than I did, though I would encourage them to take their own path in life—not to go against their own nature only to fit in with the crowd.

It wouldn’t bother me or my husband. We’ve talked about it, and we just want our children to be happy.
I can understand the hesitation to tell family, but if your mother has already hinted at it, I’m sure she already knows..so it won’t be that big of a blow. I’m sure she has even mentioned it to your father, and if they had an issue with it, they might have said something.

I would love my child even if he never gave me grandbabies. Although, I really really want some grandbabies one day! haha.
I have plenty of gay friends, I’m sure they could help my son (if he were gay) come into himself better than I could, because they could related better.

@Dansedescygnes so you think some people suppress it longer than others?

nah, they would probably treat me better anyway. :)

I would feel bad about having a child that may have a tougher time at life or ever be unsure about whether or not I was supportive of them. I wouldn’t be disappointed and would never want them to think that. Just as long as he/she adopts me some grand babies to spoil rotten I wouldn’t mind. If I had a straight child I would also want grandchildren, and if I had a child that couldn’t have children for some biological reason I would also want the to adopt because I’m selfish.

I mean homosexuality isn’t the life that I envisioned for them. I thought the comment was self explanatory.

@A_Beaverhausen…They would definitely keep their rooms cleaner.

@The_unconservative_one

Why is that not the life you envisioned for them? What is the life you envisioned for them? Is the life you envisioned for them better than being homosexual in your opinion? That’s what I meant.

@_Liz

Not necessarily suppress…sexuality is a matter of discovery. It may not have fully developed yet, I don’t think that’s a form of suppression.

I understand how you said you you’d be embarrassed to tell the straight men in your family – but most guys just dont want to be hit on by other guys – unless they have issues with F.A.G. ( fantastically amazing gays)

Not better, just different. I don’t think hetero is better or worse. Just different. It’s kind of like wanting to have a girl, but then you wind up with a boy. You don’t love them any less, but it’s just different from what you hoped for. Does that clear it up any?

Pah, no. Not at all. I’d be proud.

@The_unconservative_one

Yes. I’ve just come across so many things like “I don’t want my son to be gay because that’s means he’s going to be promiscuous and get AIDS” and all that…

Here’s a question though: if your kid was homosexual, would you support them in regards to their sexuality?

I would not care, but I would be concerned if they felt they could not tell me.

@The_unconservative_one I understand what you’re saying. I think that’s how my mum felt when I first came out…it wasn’t the future she imagined i’d have. She understands that I can still get married (well..I do live in MA!), give her grandkids, etc. and supports me no matter what. However, if when I was a baby someone had asked “what do you see for her future” I have my doubts she would have said “well…I really hope she’s a lesbian!” haha.

@adreamofautumn

But would they have said “I hope she’s straight!”?

I don’t know the answer; I’m asking.

No, I wouldn’t be disappointed nor would I be worried for them as far as adjusting in school or social scenes.

@Dansedescygnes no, because they would assume that their child would be. It just wouldn’t cross their mind when I was just a baby that I might be gay, however when I came out it went just fine. I just don’t think anyone looks at a newborn and wonders “hmm I wonder what their sexual orientation is”.

I certainly would support them in whatever their sexuality is, as long as they are happy. My main concern is for them to be happy, well adjusted and successful in whatever they choose to do with their lives.

@adreamofautumn

And they shouldn’t really, in my opinion. Unless of course they’re just curious. But I think parents should expect the possibility that their child might be gay.

@The_unconservative_one

Well said.

I wouldn’t be disappointed at all.

I think you should tell your parents whenever you feel comfortable telling them.

Adreamofautumn, that’s exactly what I mean.

BTW, how do you get a person’s name in a link like that?

@The_unconservative_one

Just type ”@” and start typing the person’s name and you’ll see.

@Dansedescygnes, thanks.

@Dansedescygnes I think that unless you’re parents are fundamentally against homosexuality, they’re probably prepared to deal with it if it happens. Seriously, tons of my friends have come out and had parents have really surprised them with how well they took it. Give parents the benefit of the doubt. As long as they’re good, loving, caring parents without extremist views towards homosexuality they’ll support you because they love you.

@Dansedescygnes , are you dkDominic?

@The_unconservative_one

Sure am. What is your former wis.dm handle?

@Dansedescygnes, Cunninglinguist, theantistupid, thevoiceofsanity

@The_unconservative_one

Oh cool. Glad to see you’re here. I’ll add you.

@Dansedescygnes I will add you as well. What I like about this place is the fact that it is moderated and you don’t have to get questions from people you don’t want.

As a mother of three boys I can say without a doubt I would not be anything close to disappointed if any one of them happens to be gay. I would offer my love and constant support and would not have a single moment of disappointment. I agree with those who have stated that I would be sad that they would have to face discrimination, but I would be right their fighting for their rights.

@The_unconservative_one

And hopefully because of that that means there will be less flamefeuds.

@SuperMouse

That sounds like an excellent way to look at it. I’m glad that the next generation will have more parents like this.

On numerous occasions, I’ve heard people say how disappointed they’d be if their kids turned out gay. I personally believe that the role of a parent is to support their child above and beyond any prejudice they may themselves hold. I really wouldn’t care, I would worry from the aspect of bullying at school maybe, but beyond that, family is supposed to mean something.

@Dansedescygnes , yes and I like not being aggravated by people I would never talk to IRL. People thought that I should have been a phony and pretend to like people who completely repulse me. I can’t be that phony. I HATE homophobes, racists, misanthropes and people whose philosophies and ideologies espouse any of those things.

A joke my husband and I have going, about our son..
We can handle him being gay, but not if he’s a republican.

@casheroo , AMEN to that!

@casheroo, yes a Republican would be a major disappointment to me! lol4rl. Although Alex P. Keaton was a very endearing conservative child of liberal parents.

I think that a gay child living in fear of being themselves around their parents is far worse than the fear a parent has for having a gay child. So, no.

Now, a Republican? That’s a little different. ;)

My brother is gay and my parents think no different about him now than they did before he came out, since he’s exactly the same person.

No. He can still give me the joys and disappointments of a straight child, so it doesn’t matter.

@SuperMouse, Alex P Keaton was an annoying little twit.

I’m not disappointed. It’s hard for her sometimes.

Only if he is wanting a sex change operation…

@The_unconservative_one

“yes and I like not being aggravated by people I would never talk to IRL. People thought that I should have been a phony and pretend to like people who completely repulse me. I can’t be that phony. I HATE homophobes, racists, misanthropes and people whose philosophies and ideologies espouse any of those things.”

I resemble that remark!

Not at all. My parents, for all of their minor faults, raised me with three major expectations, that I respect myself, respect others and am happy. I admire the wisdom behind these expectations and am intent on raising my children similarly (assuming I have some) regardless of such mitigating factors as sexuality.

Yes..sexuality is merely mitigating factors @Nially_Bob…LOL

@lemsteve I used that terminology to emphasise the lack of importance I place on the sexuality of my (hypothetical) children. Do you believe I am naive or mislead in believing that such things are unimportant and if so please explain why so that I may better understand your perspective on the matter.
P.s Glad to see you have joined Fluther. I have missed your knowledge of ancient civilisations.

@Nially_Bob

Nice to se you, too Bob. Unfortunately, anty knowledge of ancient civilizations you may have perceived me having was all google…I have no idea of most of what I say!

@lemsteve , I always knew you wer full of crap. Nice of you to admit it. BTW, have you talked to shell? He and I are friends now. Ya heard? (wink)

[mod says] Duplicate quip removed.

@The_unconservative_one

Nice to see you again. I was always full of crap, but only because I eat carp. Yes, shell and I are also bosom buddies. Nice to see the love finally coming to the surface. I always knew it was in there, somewhere.

I think I may already have a homosexual child, and no, I don’t mind. Though it’s too early to know yet.

Parents can be really unpredictable sometimes. My dad was always strict about everything, especially school. He could have easily been a military man (instead of a teacher). But despite his ultra-conservative ideas in most things, he once told me that he would have no problem if I were gay (I think maybe he thought I was since I had many gay friends at the time). My mother, who is generally more open-minded and modern (and 10 years younger than him), would have considered me a freak and told me it’s a sin or something. Go figure.

Generally I think you should just tell them and let the shit hit the fan. I know it’s easy for me to say, but trust me, I’ve had to comfront my parenst with harder truths than that. How they react is up to them, but hiding it will be an unbearable burden in the long run.

I can’t be the only person who wants to smack someone in the back of their head when they say something like “I wouldn’t want my kid to be gay because I wouldn’t get grandchildren”. That one seriously irks me.

I mean… the opportunity to give any child the love that a kid deserves would be a wonderful one. That’s something that you should be proud of. And if you ABSOLUTELY need your own genetic info going in there, that can be arranged too.

@delirium

Seriously. Talk about being selfish as all get out.

I honestly wanted to be gay for the longest time. I have a family that wouldn’t only accept it, but would wholeheartedly embrace it… and it’s always felt like it was wasted on me because I fit some parameters considered to be the social norm.
Wanting doesn’t make it so, though. I had to learn that one the hard way.

@delirium: For a while my folks were strongly hinting that it really was okay for me to come out to them and they’d always love me. Alas, alack, I’ve ended up with a boy. I feel a bit bad because it’s kind of a waste on me too. I would trade that aspect of my parents to some of my friends any day!

@casheroo: lol4rl. I’m so glad you found Fluther, I feel like you’ve been here all along. :)

@delirium and @EmpressPixie don’t feel like it’s wasted, maybe you’ll remember it some day if you have gay kids of your own and it won’t have been a waste at all!

Also, I think it’s really cute that you guys don’t want to “waste” that love and compassion. Lurve for that. :)

Nope! Love em no matter what!

Disappoined? No.
Surprised? Yes. When did I have sex with a woman??

Of course not.

I would be disappointed only if it would mean the last of my ‘line’. If I had two or more sons, I really wouldn’t mind.
I’m conservative that way, sorry

Our kids are adopted, so we already are at the end of our genetic line. We just want our children to have happy and successful lives, within their personal meaning of happiness and success.

We would also like them to stay out of jail, but will get them attorneys if we can afford to.

@jackfright

Disappointed for yourself.

Sure. I am Asian afterall, the continuity of family lines is important to me and my relatives. My mother for example would flip out if I had only 1 son who is gay. I wouldn’t react as strongly, but you’d be wrong to assume I’m the only one who would be (disappointed).

@jackfright

I know, I just hope people know that type of disappointment is pretty selfish. And I hope that no one shows their disappointment to their homosexual child, because that would be pretty horrible for them.

I know what you mean, but it takes time to change some attitudes. If I didn’t settle down and have children for example, I’d be considered selfish as well.

I agree completely when you say the disappointment should not be shown to the child.

@jackfright – Interestingly enough, in Japan a son can be gay as long as he also marries and has children. It is similar to the view that sons may have mistresses as long as they marry and have children. In fact, many Japanese feel it is a burden for a wife to be required to be both a producer of children and a sexual temptress (or temptor as the case may be).

Perhaps there is a difference between Americans of Asian ancestry and Asians.

So straight up no.