What's the deal with first loves (I sound like Seinfeld)? A study shows that memories of first loves can endanger subsequent romances. Thoughts?

I think we related new experiences to things we already know. I know my first relationship—the excitement of it being first made every detail really burn into my memory in a way that subsequent relationships haven’t and probably won’t. But honestly, I tend to only compare relationships when asked to.

In some ways, I guess I compare them without thinking about it—but that’s more a social thing? Like, I look to previous relationships for clues for how to act in certain situations. The answer is usually, “Well, last time I did this and that worked out okay…” But, again, something that would work great with a previous or even my first, would probably crash and burn now. I’m different and he’s different. It’s why we’re still dating.

Eventually they will grow up.~

Actually, seriously. Who wants to peak at that intensely hormonal, confusing stage of life?

I found that after a while I looked at past failed relationships only as learning how not to be in relationship. We learn from experience.

Unless the comparisons are out loud and constant, it is just more about doing relationship right than a performance measuring stick for a partner.

My first love turned out to be a complete idiot. The only impact he has had on subsequent relationships is my being sure never to be in one with anyone who is even remotely like he was.

I still think of my first love every now and again. He really was a significant part of my growing up, and the end of our relationship helped with learning to deal with love and loss. But I wouldn’t trade the time we had together for the world.

Having said that – did I compare others to that love/relationship? At first, yes. Then I found someone who loved me for all of my quirks and knew of my heartache. He found a way to soothe that and make me feel like the most important person in the world. And I loved him back – without reservation.

I think it’s human nature to compare. My first “love” was when I was 14–16, so, of course at the time I compared new suitors to him, but time goes on…you realize how silly that is.

She still tugs at my heart from time to time. The magic is the complete openness and innocence with which you enter into it. Nothing is ever that pure again.

I know that my “first love” still does and always will hold a place in my heart. Maybe it is the intensity, though I don’t know because i’ve found love subsequently as i’ve gotten older that is much more “real”, intense and amazing. I think the first was the one that kind of taught you what love was, how to love and be loved in return. It opened your eyes. I would agree with @SeventhSense it’s the innocence, you aren’t jaded yet, your heart has never been broken, you’ve never learned that you need to “protect” yourself sometimes in love. sigh sometimes I miss those days…

mmmm…sigh

I used to do that a lot. I would compare everything in subsequent relationships to my first love and have to bite my tongue from talking about it (eek). I think I’ve pretty much gotten over that. Of course, now after my most recent breakup I think I will compare all future relationships to this one :/

I hate to say it, but I totally do this. I can’t help myself. No woman has ever come close to moving me as deeply as my first love. I heard her voice recently and simply melted. What can I do? I think I’ll go ask a question about that now. I wonder if it’s possible to really let it go?

To answer your question, jmah, yes, holding the standard of relationship that high has had a negative impact on my relationships since.