@Dansedescygnes I also agree that you’re not just guests. And I’m not against constructive criticism. When I’ve seen that happen, I’ve sent wis.dm-ers PMs to welcome them and clicked to give them lurve for their efforts to integrate. But the majority of what I’ve seen is pure and simple whining.
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Here’s a story:
Almost a year ago, I moved across the US from New York to Idaho, and I moved in and boarded with a family I’d never met before. I knew they were generally of the same socioeconomic background that I was raised in, but other than that, we were strangers.
I wasn’t a guest. It was my home, too. But for a while, at first, I was treated sort of like a guest, because there had to be an adjustment period. That lasted a very short time, though, and soon I was expected to follow the house rules, pitch in with chores, etc. I didn’t find this unreasonable. I wasn’t invited to live there; I asked if I could. The way they lived was different from how I’d lived the previous 20-something years, but it would have been completely outrageous for me to insinuate myself into their space and then make them change the way they had been doing things in that house for that same amount of time.
Of course, there were some changes that were made to accomodate me. I don’t eat seafood (except for crab) or pig products (except for bacon) so when a meal was made for the entire household, those things were excluded. Doing dishes makes me gag, so instead of being assigned dishes, someone else did them twice a week and I took out the garbage twice a week.
Anyway, my point is that compromises have to be made on both sides. As a jelly, I may be biased, but I think Fluther started out being very welcoming and accommodating, and what’s seen as rudeness only arose once the non-constructive criticism and whining kept up. After established Fluther members tried to help and were often met with little more than increased complaints, then the hostility began to be felt.
I, for one, have very little sympathy for the wis.dm-ers who are complaining that they haven’t been made to feel welcome because, quite frankly, many of them are making me feel unwelcome and uncomfortable here in my own “home.”