When a straight guy cheats on his female partner, do you ever think it may be her fault?

Resie, I did think this question was a little unlike you :)

Just watched Simone and JPS’s video, you really remind me of one of my old housemates in the flesh :)

No. It’s kind of ridiculous that something her partner does—behind her back—could be her fault.

No, it never is. If this guy is not happy in the relationship for whatever reason, he has the resposibility to tell her so, and then move on. There is no excuse for cheating. It is his choice to not want to be faithful to her anymore, there is no blame to be placed on her, even if she’s a terrible person. He could leave her, and then move on to the next relationship.

@JellyB & @EmpressPixie are right. She cannot be held responsible for his choices. That said, it takes two people to make a relationship succeed or fail. I do believe everyone has responsibilities in a partnership. But…if you fail in yours, it does not give me license to behave like an ass.

@bythebay Very very well said, and agreed entirely.

@Jo_with_no_space It is, perhaps, but this assumption comes up – usually in gossiping, often about celebrities – enough to irk me, and since it was brought to mind & potentially an interesting topic, decided to ask. Actually, maybe the reason i didn’t post questions on these strains so much on wis.dm was for fear of getting unpleasantly backwards responses, and no one else to argue against them. I gained a ton of extra, unexpected respect for this community when looking at the responses to that thread about rape-victim blaming – was scared to open it, in all honesty. It’s one thing seeing that elsewhere, but on an online hangout where you’re accustomed to feeling comfortable, it’s really not desirable for me to deal with such things more than necessary.

@resmc I know it does, and it’s an assumption that lacks understanding or the willingness to understand the complex nature of ALL relationships. I’m not surprised that you asked it, just.. for a split second I thought you were voicing your own point of view and thought, “that’s so unlike her!” So that’s what I mean. Lol.

I think cheating happens when something is not working well in the relationship, and it takes two people to make a relationship work. So she’s not directly responsible, but she could be contributing to the problem.

No, because….there are different ways to handle an unhappy situation. Like, I was very, very unhappy with my ex in many, many ways for the last 3 years….but I never cheated on him. I began dating AFTER the divorce was final….

I think gender and sexuality is irrelevant in this context. Of course everyone has free will and can be held responsible for their own actions, though it is possible that the female had affected the guy enough for him to cheat, by withholding sex, having a lack of interest in the relationship, or other means of upsetting their connection.

@Sners: But even if one partner did all those things you mentioned above; doesn’t the other partner have the responsibility to end the relationship before starting another?

@bythebay My thoughts exactly. If it’s gotten to the point where you feel the urge to cheat on someone, you need to get out. Until you do, you should uphold your commitment to be faithful…IMO.

@Jo_with_no_space Lol, it would be very unlike me. Guess usually my questions, if there’s opinion in them, it’s what’s stated, not the opposite of that.

@Sners What do you mean by ‘withholding’ sex?

@resmc: not tonight honey, you repulse me lol

@bythebay LOL!

I mean sexual blackmail. It was Maslow who said sex is a basic human physiological need. Can withholding sex from your partner as punishment be morally justified? When it is used to achieve an agenda, this is no different then severe manipulation. It’s a form of cruel neglect. Not being in the mood is another story.

@Sners Hi ya! If they withhold sex for the reason, you need to dump them.

@Sners There’s a difference between blackmailing someone for sex (tho, there can be legitimate things the partner being blackmailed otherwise wouldn’t fulfill), and someone just not being in the mood. That can even be caused by the partner’s behavior, like perhaps them assuming they’re owed sex.

@resmc good answer….as usual!

@DutchCat Aww, thanks… it’s so mindboggling, that people actually assume/do these sorts of things.

I kinda thought that might be the motivation behind your question because it was quite out of character for you! It floors me too.