How would you tell people politely that you do not want alcohol in your home?

Well I don’t think it should be a wierd or touchy subject at all. I would very simply tell people that you would prefer not having alcohol in your house. Say it nicely, smile, but don’t mince words. If you are having people over you may want to warn them ahead of time, because people will often bring wine or beer to a get-together.

You are way head in this game, Kawata, because both you AND your room mate agree on the absence of alcohol in your abode. I’ve seen much worse scenarios.

So, since you’ve already got the sustained conviction between all members of the household to keep the booze out of your place, just let people know they can’t have it there. It is your house, those whom you welcome in it need to respect your wishes and enjoy your hospitality.

If people bring alcohol once, and they didn’t know about your preference, then give them grace on that first occasion and let them know it’s not cool to bring in the future. They will appreciate and respect it.

If so-called friends give you trouble for such a simple request in your own home, then it sounds like they don’t deserve welcome there to begin with.

It’s your home, you have a right to make it alcohol free. Since you and your roommate agree on the subject, you won’t have to worry about mixed signals. Just tell your friends the house rules. You don’t have to explain why. If someone argues with you then they are choosing not to come over.

Your house. Your rules. Just tell them. If you lose them as friends, then they probably weren’t worth it. Anyone that militant about alcohol probably has a drinking problem.

I don’t let people smoke in my house. I give them an ashtray to take outside.

Is there anyone in your social circle who would seriously argue with you over this? When I was in college, my group of friends ranged from hard-drinkers to teetotalers, and I don’t think any of us would have had a hard time with someone saying “No alcohol in our apartment, please.”

It really shouldn’t be any stranger than other house rules, which might include no smoking, leave shoes at the door, and don’t bring your dog. I think your mother’s advice is sound. Since alcohol is not the center of your social life, it probably also is not central for the people you are most likely to socialize with. A gentle reminder that your place is an alcohol-free zone should be all it takes.

If anyone does get weird about it, don’t take it in as your problem.

Listen to what has been said, it’s great advice.

Like Marina, I do not allow smoking in my house (my husband agrees), for those that smoke, we do offer an ashtray for their use, outside. While I hate to inconvenience a guest, we are non-smokers. That rule is not likely to change.

Everyone gave great advice. And also the fact that you aren’t of age to drink, should make people aware that they can get in trouble for “providing” you with alcohol.
It won’t be awkward. I tell people not to smoke near me all the time, even in public. Sort of the same.

Everyone has given good advice so far, but one reason why I am putting the question to fluther is that I have encountered people who don’t understand why I don’t drink and think it’s silly that I don’t. These are usually the same people who think I am casting dispersions on their drinking so get angry when I talk about it. I would very much like to avoid a nasty confrontation in my home, whether the person is still going to be my friend or not. Our apartment is in a very quiet, residential area and the community itself is filled with families. We don’t want to disturb anyone.

We have a lovely little enamel sign on the front door that says something to the effect that “All Tobacco is Forbidden Entrance to this House.” So far we have had no problems with anyone.

You could try a sign on your door saying something similar, perhaps some sort of joke about Carrie Nation (Carrie Nation lives! ) or simply “One Day at a Time” (the AA motto) or “Demon Rum not Permitted.”

Or you can just flat out tell your friends you don’t want alcohol in your place. Those that refuse to comply aren’t really your friends.

now why on earth would you want to do that? ;-)

I think this is a great thing to be talking about. Me and my husband don’t drink either. And it is not a common thing. In fact when we quit drinking we lost quite a bit of friends. When we first inacted our “no alcohol in the home” policy we did put up a sign. Although several people thought it was a joke, honestly. But our sign was kinda lowsy. I think people might respect one that says something like “due to spiritual beliefs we cannot allow alcohol in the home”. It may not be your spiritual beliefs but you get the drift. Also if anyone does bring alcohol into your home you can address it at the time. Just ask them to please set it on the porch or in their car until they leave (trust me they won’t bring it back after that). Absolutely do not agree to keep it or put it in your fridge.

I know what you mean about people not understanding. It is so difficult. Usually when people ask me I just say it is my spiritual/cultural belief and I don’t expect others to agree with it but I do expect them to respect my beliefs. So many people do think it’s silly we don’t drink but after explaining why we don’t then people understand. It gets really old explaining things and now that we’ve been doing this for about 6–7 years we don’t even feel the need to explain anymore.

@KatawaGrey

If someone would cause a scene in your house over alcohol then they are a little crazy already and may have a drinking problem. Of course it is kind of rare to find someone of drinking age who not only doesn’t drink but is completely intolerant of it. Thats not to say that you are wrong, only that it is rare and may some people may have a hard time understanding. Thats unfortunate for them because it isn’t your job to help them understand. It’s their job to follow the rules of the house or leave.

P.S. – I thinks its casting “aspersions”, not “dispersions”.

I don’t think that not wanting alcohol in your home counts as “intolerant.”

And I’m really baffled by the idea of someone who would be so rude as to go to someone else’s house, insist on bringing alcohol, and then start an argument when asked not to do that in future. Has this ever really happened to anyone?

@Horus515: Thanks. My brain is a little soupy today. :)

@cwilbur: I don’t know if it’s happened, but I still think it’s a concern. People have fought with me about my aversion to alcohol before and I’m sure they will again. I just want to cover all bases because I know I am in the minority on this subject and a situation like this will probably happen.

@cwilbur We have dealt with some of this. People don’t insist on bringing alcohol in the house but they do get pretty nasty when you tell them you don’t drink. Also we have a cultural center in our community where we don’t allow alcohol and people get really nasty about that as well. Actually come to think of it we have had people bring alcohol in our house when we first quit drinking. It is an odd thing but people really are weird about it.

I am a non drinker and always have been at my age now (56) it is not so much of a social problem but I can remember when I was younger and people just couldn’t grasp why I chose not to drink. They would try talking me into ‘just one’ or they would try offering me a fancy drink that didn’t taste so much like alcohol or they would make fun of me, argue with me…..
It isn’t a moral or religious thing with me. I don’t care if anyone else drinks or not, it simply isn’t my thing.
All I can say is…. Having tyat rule n your house will help you sort out who your real friends are.

@basp “having that rule in your house will help you sort out who your real friends are”
That is so true. We lost so many friends when we quit drinking. Not of our accord either.

Redpowerlady
If they can’t have a fun time without drink, then (IMO) they got a real problem.
But, that’s just my opinion….

@basp I completely agree!!!

Honestly, I am amazed at the comments here from people who have been rudely pressured to drink. What a bunch of uncivilized louts those insistent and intolerant drinkers must be. If I were a nondrinker, I would expect to say “No, thanks,” and not even have to add “I don’t drink,” which goes from being an expression of preference to a statement of principle that someone might question. “No, thank you” should be all you ever have to say when declining something.

Again, if alcohol were forbidden in my house, all I would expect to have to say is “We don’t permit alcohol in the house.” If someone brought it anyway, I would take the suggestion above and ask them to leave it outside, possibly adding, “You are welcome, but I’m afraid your beer isn’t.” I would not grant it guest status.

If someone insisted on making an issue, I would follow the same practice I must have repeated to my kids a thousand times when they were little: “If somebody misbehaves, you just let him be naughty all by himself. You don’t have to join in.” Sometimes a long, slow, steady look at a person is enough and you don’t have to say a word.

Generally the only time we have had a problem about someone bringing alcohol to some place it isn’t wanted is when that person is an alcoholic, whether they recognize that fact or not.

And after reading RedPowerLady’s comments about spiritual beliefs, now I know what sign to put up next to our Tobacco sign: “We Don’t Believe in Spirits. Please Leave your Liquor at Home.”

It should be no different than asking people to take off their shoes so they don’t muddy the carpet. It is a house rule. Anyone who wants to come over to your new place and drink is not respecting your wishes. Those are usually the same people who will not be there for you when you need them anyways.

Just be firm and tell them no. If they disagree ask them to leave. I had to threaten to toss my buddies guitar out into the snow to get him to leave one day because he was being disrespectful. Our friendship was never the same, and eventually ended, once I saw how little he respected my wishes.

You just have to draw a line and not allow them to cross it. It will become more important to know how to do this as you get older, in work, relationships and other arenas.

It is your place. Stick to it and let everyone know how it turns out.

i’ve got five bucks riding on this

@Blondesjon – Yeah, Baby.

Your house rules against alcohol should be no different than my house rules against tobacco. If your friends respect you, they will have no problem with your rules. If they want to drink, send ‘em to the bar. And good on you and your roomate for your decision to take a stand against the peer pressure to ‘have just one’ or ‘try it once’. I highly respect your maturity.

@Darwin Your sayings are so cute. It’s also against our beliefs to abuse tobacco. Not that many people still follow it…