Does this thesis sentence sound right?

It doesn’t read as a thesis statement at all to me; rather the premise to a thesis.

Your thesis should be a succinct explanation of what your essay will be arguing. You’re almost there, but the current wording is rather vague.

Your spelling and grammar need work as well.

It is NOT mine. It is already in the book; I’m supposed to fix it… lol (actually I guess its a TOPIC SENTENCE… oops sorry)

It just says “QUITTING SMOKING” and then starts into the paragraph with:

“Quitting school was not a bid deal for me until I realize all the effects of quitting would bring to my life.”

“I didn’t realize the amount of negative repercussions that quitting school would have on my life” ?

does this sound better? :

“Quitting school was not a bid deal for me until I realized all the effects quitting would bring to my life.”

@johnpowell ..that sounds right except… the person realizes what a mistake it was AFTER doing it. so how can i also include that ?

the negative effects have already happened to the person… so that is when they realize how big of a deal it was.

I’m getting confused lol

quitting school was not a bid deal for me until I experienced all the negative repercussions of quitting?....

hmmm…no, still not right ?

I’m not sure, it has (thankfully) been years since I have dealt with this crap. Don’t use “big deal” in a academic paper.

yeah the book uses “big deal”. I thought, ’‘that doesn’t sound right’’ but not sure what to replace it with…

thanks for your help :)

This would be the proper way to say it. The tense is off in your original statement (switching between present tense and past tense). Was and Realize. It should be Was and Realized.

Quitting school was not a big deal for me until I realized the effects quitting would bring into my life

That is still a bit off though. Maybe:

Quitting school was not a big deal for me until I realized that quitting would bring negative effects into my life.

OR

Quitting school was not a big deal for me until I realized the effects of quitting.

OR

Quitting school was not a big deal for me until I realized that quitting had negative repercussions that I had not thought of before.

@RedPowerLady Oooohhhh nice ;) THANKS… I really did try. I’m new to this so examples are really helpful. I’m sure I’ll get the hang of it soon enough now ;)

Could I just say “it” :
“quitting school was not a bid deal for me until I experienced all the negative repercussions ‘it’ would bring into my life”

how about this ?:
Quitting school was not a big deal for me until I experienced the negative effects that it brought into my life.

I didn’t want to do your homework for you, but here goes my version:

I never realized the negative repercussions quitting school would have for me; in retrospect I made a poor decision.

@Vinifera7 that’s really good :) thank you.

well I didnt want u to either, but it’s due in the morning and I guess I’m not so good at this yet. I’ll have to go over the chapter again.

@kutelilkat

Quote: Quitting school was not a big deal for me until I experienced the negative effects that it brought into my life.

Perfect!!!!

I had a hard time when I was first learning this skill as well. No apologies necessary. It takes insight to ask for help.

:)

so should it be brought or would bring ? I’m still unsure… same thing? or not?

I think that brought works best in this sentence. This last one you wrote sounds very grammatically correct to me and makes sense.

Quitting school was not a big deal for me until I experienced the negative effects that it brought into my life.

Alright then :) I’ll also ask my teacher about it and the other sentence u all suggested, I’m sure that will help too.

Great idea to ask your teacher. I’m sure he/she will be a big help. Especially since it’s almost midnight here. LOL

lol

What is the core of the argument? That’s what the thesis sentence should be.

Don’t use someone else’s knockout first sentence unless the rest of your paper is going to live up to it. That’s a dead giveaway that you had extra help.

I just wanted to say that it is OKAY if students ask for help when writing a paper or doing any other homework. That is what tutors are for, after school homework sessions, friends & family, writing and math sessions etc.. I worked at the local University and we always referred people to help resources. The net is okay as well. Same for high school or any education level. We all need help sometimes. And everyone needs different levels of help. It is better to use your resources than to just get bad grades. And teachers certainly won’t punish you for doing so.

@RedPowerLady: It depends on the assignment, and on the scope of the help that’s asked for. In this case the request was reasonable, but I’ve seen plenty of “do my homework for me!” requests in this and other forums, and they are certainly not okay.

@cwilbur I will certainly agree with that statement :)

Thanks again. My teacher said many of the suggestions were fine. I guess I should have also asked for information on how to do it so that it didn’t seems I just wanted the answer. I really do want to learn. It was due right away though. Plus I did learn a lot ;)