How important is sexual chemistry to you when dating someone? Could you date someone if there was little sexual chemistry?

It is important, though I don’t necessarily believe in “love at first sight” (even though I’ve lived it). Give the person a chance, go out on a couple of dates and let them win you over. If it still won’t click after a week or two, then forget it.

It is not the be all and end all for me. For example, my husband and I knew each other from work and were friends for several years. I liked him, but there was no big spark. The attraction grew, and we began dating, and the flame flared from there. It was very hot, but also very steady and sure.

It has to be there. Maybe not at first, but if it doesn’t grow, then the whole exercise is rather pointless, for me.

Its very important. There is nothing that will kill a relationship quicker than loss of attraction. I’ve seen it over and over.

I’ve never asked someone for a date if there was no sexual chemistry. Other people have? Why?

It’s very important to me. The night I met my husband on a blind date, I knew he was the one. It was instantly there. Sexual chemistry is VERY important to a relationship, IMO. Without it, what have you got? Just a friendship.

I could not date someone where we did not have sexual chemistry, because to me the whole package is more important than any single component, and that includes a healthy and adventurous sex life.

I would only date someone if we had sexual chemistry, the desire to be together. That’s the whole part of a relationship, right?

I dont think I could.. there has to be that sexual energy that makes you want to take him or her to your house at the end of the date for a throwdown!!!

So what you’re saying is that you like the activity but not the guy in that way? How would he feel if he knew that? Plus you’re depriving yourself, too, of being with someone you can have the hots for. That’s just sad.

It’s like eating at McDonald’s to me, if you see what I mean. Food-like, but not truly satisfying.

Be a dear and let that fella go. Unless, of course, he’s not all that into you either and it’s a booty call thing until you both find what you want. I guess.
Geez, you kids and your sexual mores today!

@aprilsimnel we’re both women. Been friends for a long time and have decided to give the dating thing a go. I had been intimate with her once and the sex was okay (she wasn’t lacking in skill, that’s for sure), but, the physical connection with her wasn’t really there. Mind you, I had just come out of a l/t relationship, so, I was still dealing with feelings for my ex, so, that could have been a factor?

@jmah – Oh! Sorry about that!

RE: just getting out of a l/t relationship? Totally possible. Take it down a notch, and just hang out for a bit and see what happens. Taking care of yourself after a breakup is the top priority.

Very important. Aren’t we just friends without it?

@jmah – I would say yes, your LTR and feelings about it are playing a big factor in your perception of relationships at this current time.

@jmah I think you need some time to heal emotionally from the LTR before setting your sights on feeling that chemistry that will blow your beakers up. I agree with aprilsimnel that unless the lack of chemistry is mutual and you are both just in this for the booty call, you should be upfront with your friend. You may at some point develop that wild sucking-on-the-220-outlet kind of chemistry, but I have always found it was either there or it wasn’t. Just my own experience…

It’s HUGE. You can have all the love, respect and good intention (example only) but if you lack sexual chemistry then you will only be able to fake it for so long and will end up disappointed and maybe even confused. We have reason and logic and sometimes think we can make anything happen if all the circumstances appear right but… nature will win.

I think sexual chemistry is overrated. Sexual physics on the other hand…

@daloon: would you mind explaining the difference to me, I’m curious about this.

I’m happily married, but theoretically my answer would be, yes, one can date someone if there was little sexual chemistry. I could meet an extraordinarily smart woman for example, and talking to her is so intellectually stimulating that I have to ask her out for lunch or dinner and have more of the interesting discussions.

It has to be there, no question. If it’s not, then the friend zone you go…

@VzzBzz: if you don’t understand the difference intuitively, no explanation of mine will make a difference.

how’s that for eliding the question?

@daloon: it’s because I had an intuitive moment that I even paused and smiled at what you noted. You don’t have to explain your bent to me but I think a lot of others would find it interesting.

When I married my ex husband, I knew the sexual chemistry wasn’t totally there. But, I thought, “Well, he’s fun, he’ll make a great dad, he’s a great guy… it’ll be ok.” It wasn’t. Never, ever, ever, ever waste your time with someone who doesn’t drive you crazy in bed. Sex is such a huge factor in a relationship, especially a marriage. If you don’t communicate well verbally, you can communicate through sex. If the sex is missing or lacking, things will go terribly awry.

When I went out on my first date with the man I’m married to now, I just had fun with him. We laughed and talked – but it didn’t really cross my mind – the sexual chemistry. I didn’t really know him that well before the date, but I knew after the date was over, I wanted to go out with him again. After a few dates, that chemistry was developing. Sexual attraction is important in a relationship – it can’t be forced – if it’s not there, it’s not there. I don’t think I’m in the school of thought that you shouldn’t date someone without having that chemistry. You just may miss meeting that person that you’ve been looking for.

TennesseeJAC asked a similar question last month, and the outcome was that everything changed after he kissed her. I think it depends on the quality of the rest of the connection that you have with the person. Being sexually attracted to someone you first meet is over rated.

Well, so much for “no physical connection”. I went out with her Friday night; gorgeous dinner overlooking Lake Huron, went to a martini bar for a few drinks, then back to her place and smoked a couple of cigars out on her balcony whilst looking out at the water. Romantic, we just chilled and there were few a “moments” at first where there was some pretty intense eye contact. After a few drinks, some laughs…things got even better…=)

@jmah Yay!

@jmah – Woohoo! For all those people that don’t give a person a chance without the presence of immediate sexual chemistry – see what you could be missing!! Sounds like a great evening – good for you and her!

Fact from fiction, truth from diction. It depends on how much credence you place on the sex. The sex is something you do a very small part of the day. You will spend way more time out of the bed than in it. But if that small time spent boinking will rule the relationship then you will be doomed. But what is better? To have a liar and a selfish cad as a mate as long as they rock you to planet ‘O’ every night but outside the bed you have nothing to talk about? If you can connect above the sex, you can come together to try new things that both can explore and get excited about.

Well, the greatest chemistry and sex I had in my life was with someone dishonest and unfatihful, a true diagnosed nypho (no joke). She was so good in bed—that every man that ever slept with her would call her and chase her, but never wanted to marry her (they too saw the flaws as being too much to live with). So, in the end, I thought that if I focused too much on the act of sex / passion / etc..I would miss having a friend as much as having a sex partner. The balance is so difficult, but no doubt important. Also, how many times have your heard that it starts great and dwindles over time? Show me a HOT women and I’ll show you a man that is tired of fucking her after 10 years. In the end, I beleive, its all in the KISS combined with good COMMUNICATION. Great Sex will always dwindle over time—its what is left over that will determine if you last. If you can find a friend who is very compatible and you both enjoy kissing each other and talking to each other about EVERYTHING, the rest should be easy. You adjust and you work together to keep the spice alive. Otherwise, like every other person in American, you get divorced thinking the grass is greener on the other side—only to find out 5 years from now, you are back in the same boat, just with a different person. Yes Chemistry is important but do not misinterpret early normal excitement (the newness of it all) as the main ingredient to a lasting relationship. Date for 2 years minimum before you get married. Make sure you love to kiss. Make sure you are able to say you are sorry when you make a mistake. Make sure you equally are able to say you are forgiven when the other apologizes. Make sure you never speak disrespectfully to one another. Make sure the person you married talks positively about his or her parents. Make sure you have a common beleif system / values. And trust me, IF you have those things going for you SEX will come natural. All too often, we think “SEX” (aka Chemistry) has to be #1 or nothing. Making SEX #1 will in fact make you overlook many important traits in a lasting life long partnership. We will all die one day—that is a fact—lets not spend too much time worrying about how good our orgasims are or should be. Peace.