When does too much positivity stop being an asset and become a handicap instead?

She may not perceive the falseness. She only sees the good in them. While I can’t fault an optimistic outlook, it seems like she may be taking it a step further in such a way that is detrimental to her and the people who live with her. Moderation, yadda yadda.

I don’t know that you have to be negative to be not be a push over, but since that’s what you asked I would have to say negative.

You mention your roommate prefers the company of superficial people, I’d think it near impossible to find much positive in that, perhaps she’s mentally unbalanced and her feeling of or projection of positivity isn’t false but more naivete on her part.

@drClaw Yea, i wasn’t sure how to word that. Not negative necessarily…hmm, realistic? But I don’t know if that is the right word either.

There is a lot of merit to being positive but in the extreme it is used as a mechanism to live in denial. If you do not see evil it does not exist.

Alternately if you are overly negative you will not have more real friends- in fact you may find that a lot of folks do not want to hang around you. Being overly negative often is a way that folks use to be anti-social or as an excuse for why they will not put more effort into life.

In life it is good to try to look on the positive side to try to overcome some of the challenges we face- However if someone standing in the dust in NY on 9/11 uttered out “It is so good I don’t have a car or I would have to get it washed!” we would think they were insane.

There are times to accept reality and perhaps this is why your friend has friends who will not destroy her illusion of the world.

@Dog haha! That is totally something she would say…

Well, she is friends with me, and believe me I’m not super positive nor am I super negative, but when something bothers me that someone did, I am not trying to negate those feelings. We get into super long discussions about it.

I only wonder how she can subsist not seeing anyone’s faults though? Will it ever backfire on her? Will it ever end? How long can someone live in denial?

You’re asking two different questions really:
1. Would you rather be positive or negative all the time?
2. Would you want superficial friends or not?

The two are not mutually exclusive. I have worked for years to become a more positive person – a bright, butterflies & rainbows outlook is good for your heart & soul!

But that does NOT mean you have to be shallow and naive. You can be a very positive person while still being honest, open, and down-to-earth. And you can have very deep, meaningful friendships. Just expect that your grumpier friends are going to throw beer caps at you when you start spewing rainbows out of your mouth/arse.

Your friend’s problem isn’t being positive and cheery. It’s that she doesn’t value real intimacy or character. Probably not a very bright bulb. Sounds like you need a new friend.

@ronski, again, being naive is not the same as being super positive. She needs to pull her head out of her arse. The good news is, you can do that AND stay positive about the world. You can still see the “good” in people. And when the “not good” people come around, you have enough sense to stay away from them. Provided your head’s not crowing at the sunshine up your bum.

@bananafish Aw yes, I wee what your saying. She is naive and positive, but the two aren’t exclusive. I guess I always feel like she is sooo much more positive than anyone else I’ve met, that when I compare other people to her, they don’t seem positive at all…haha.

Your friend sounds like she knows how to be a friend. A rare find indeed.

I asked a question like this a while back. Something about whether positive people are for real. I got my head handed to me on a plate for that.

Still, it’s not my question this time, so I hope I won’t turn into the pincushion again.

I still believe that people who are relentlessly positive, and never let a crack show, are hiding inner pain. I believe we all have pain, and some of us deal with it by looking around it, and trying to count blessings, and I’ fine with that.

What I dislike is dishonesty, and I fear people who are like this are being dishonest to themselves.

I like whole people. People who have seen pain and happiness. People who acknowledge their pain, but don’t dwell on it.

My other problem is that thinking positively is not something I’m very good at. I can’t pull myself along by denying my pain. I can’t fake it until I make it. I have to do something else.

If positivity is fake, then fakeness seeks fakeness. They can all support each other in their pretense about the world. Myself? I prefer honesty, no matter where that takes you. I don’t see negativity as a pity parade or party or whatever. It can be, but it doesn’t have to be. If you’re working on it, that’s good enough for me. If you’re milking it or hiding it, I can’t be your friend.

@bananafish “Provided your head’s not crowing at the sunshine up your bum.” hahaha! I have a new favorite quote!!

I have this problem sometimes. I try to truly look for the good in everyone and give people the benefit of the doubt. It’s not fake for me. I really just don’t like negativity and choose not to engage in it if at all possible. That said, where I start having problems is when I am unable to assert my boundaries. I am bad about being too nice and letting people take advantage of me at times. Not when it comes to the major stuff, but more the small stuff. “Sure, I’ll give you a ride home… all the way across town… and please don’t give me gas money…” Stuff like that. But I’m working on it.

It stops being an asset when the person cannot break for the completely positive attitude to recognize other emotions such as: fear, pain, sadness and anger.

I am generally a positive person. I prefer to look for the positive, but I do recognize the negatives. It drives some people batty that I refuse to approach it the other way around. I just don’t live in a way where I want to go from negative to positive, it wears me out. I am who I am, I make no apologies for my outlook on life. I’ve been handed every single reason to hate life and people, but I won’t live that way. I find it very counterproductive.

A truly positive person, that is not denying other emotions, can have real friends; however, a person that comes across as always positive, yet may be hiding feelings, cannot truly reach people, because they cannot reach themselves. Unlike @Daloon, I don’t know that these people are necessarily fake, I think they might not always realize that they are hiding those emotions. I don’t think all “fake positive” people are doing it on purpose. Sure, there are some that do that – it will come down on them, sooner or later. There are those that are always positive, that are hiding – they are afraid of the other feelings. Maybe they weren’t taught how to handle the other emotions.

I’d rather be the person that I am. I’m positive, but I do have and use, a full range of emotions. I’d rather not constantly question whether someone was being real or fake, I would just let their actions speak for what the person really is – real or fake. I have real friends. A very close group of friends, some that I’ve know for well over 20years – in fact, one that I’ve had since I was 4yrs old. I’m turning 38 next week, I’ve know her for most of my life. Being a positive person and having real friends, is not mutually exclusive, as long as the person really understands and can use a full range of emotions.

I’ll take the real friends, thank you

Anything can become attachment. Optimism or Pessimism can both become problematic if one believes that they are either one or the other.
This will all change seems the most honest to me. There is no fixed and permanent anything including moods. And when I detach from all expectations as to mine or other’s moods or behavior, I am peaceful.

when you deny the negative.

@daloon I’m going to have to agree with you here. However what seems like ‘always’ seeing ‘only the good’... may not reflect the true picture. Lots of peeps are positive and up… they feel negatives but don’t want to bring others down by sharing them.
@A Beaverhousen – now hear I totally agree. Denial is not the same as not sharing.

when you stop empathising and just keep on fixing

i really have no idea
i am constantly positive.
i get recognized/complimented for my positivity constantly.
i just strongly believe that if you are a negative person then you shouldnt be alive, because there are way too many people that died young that would love and cherish the life that you have!

so its ALWAYS an asset.

@fullOFuselessINFO You really think that if every situation is presented with positivity, it will solve the problem? Perhaps positivity if a luxury to be had…

Not to refute what you are saying completely, just to say that it would be weird to be positive if you were broke, hungry, and lonely.