Why dont i feel girly?

Are you physically attracted to your boyfriend- is there chemistry?

It may not be you and it might just be that you are not that into him.

Are you saying you feel more like a boy; or, do you mean you just aren’t a girly type of girl? Do you identify more with boys – is this a gender confusion issue?

I’m asking with all the sincerity in the world. Sometimes, those hormones can really mess us up! Sometimes, though, it’s deeper than a surge in hormones.

I was wondering about your background and education. A lot of times these can play a big role in your feelings about who you think you should be, or what you think a girl should be like.

Do you have a particular religious background? Is your education conservative or liberal, or where inbetween? What do you believe in means to feel “girly?” Did anyone make fun of you for how you behaved growing up? How do you feel that is different from feeling like a girl?

What does that mean? Do you feel like a male? Or do you just not fit in with the traditional female gender role?

First of all, let met just say that you’re very brave to share these concerns, even if with strangers…not everyone would be able to talk about this kind of stuff, so look in the mirror and thank yourself for being courageous…second of all, I want you to remember that one’s gender identity is not one’s sexual orientation so this has nothing to do with you being homosexual or straight or whatever…people of any gender can be any sexuality so that’s your secondary issue…third of all, there’s nothing wrong with ‘not feeling girly’ because in reality what is ‘girly’ is nothing but each society’s idea of what a person born with a vagina and XX chromosomes, etc. should act like and not everyone fits into those criteria for behavior and not everyone cares to…what you have to start thinking is that you’re a person first and foremost and you get to decide for yourself what’s more important: what you think of yourself or what people as an aggregate expect you to be like…you will find as you live your life that it’s much less about the latter and much more about the former…don’t let anyone make you feel badly about the choices you make when it comes to this…gender categories are limiting to many more people than you think…and it’s not about the boyfriend, necessarily, or your hormones…this is a very real feeling and don’t let anyone tell you you’re confused…it may feel confusing but you’re not confused…there’s nothing to do to feel ‘more like a girl’ unless you want to look to dumb ribbons are girly messages all around you but sticking to those ‘ideals’ will not make you satisfied…whoever you are is what makes you a girl…and if you want a different gender identity, you can have that too…but be careful, one last advice: not feeling like a ‘proper girl’ doesn’t mean you feel like a boy or should be a boy…it just means that the category doesn’t sit well with you

@Simone_De_Beauvoir I wish I could give you more lurve!

@cak
that’s ok, :)

read this
http://books.google.com/books?id=io6krR83t_MC&pg=PA43&lpg=PA43&dq=gender+non+conformist&source=web&ots=4dJShhITwP&sig=jLaUpIIPQwWXnOPf8j5fBuBBtjQ&hl=en#PPA43,M1

I’m extreemely attracted to my boyfriend. I’ve never has a untreat in girls, that’s not the issue.

Sorry. I have to write this all on my phone so my words are messed up, but thank you all for your help!!

Then what is the issue? Do you feel obligated to wear dresses, play with dolls, and bake cupcakes?

So, it is more of a lack of a feminine side?

I’m not concerned about your spelling…I’m cheating, I have spell check!

Its not that I feel the need to put on a princess face and pink lipstick, I just want to feel comfortable with myself.

It’s perfectly okay not to be a girly girl. I know that there is a “society” version of what girls should be and how they should dress, but not ever girl fits that mold. personally, I think being independent and an individual is more important.

You don’t have to dress a certain way, paint your nails and put on a face full of makeup. What you need to do is be the person you feel that you are.

My daughter is 15. She is by no means a girly-girl. Sometimes she surprises everyone and does girly things, overall, she somewhere a step before tomboy. She doesn’t like to wear a lot of dresses, she isn’t into all the “girly” colors. She is a little more casual. I don’t know how else to describe it!

You are at a tough age. Some people probably want you to fit into a certain mold and you don’t. Something I wish I had learned at your age, is that it is okay to not be like everyone else. Easy to say, sometimes harder to do!

Listen to your inner voice. Trust yourself to be the person you feel comfortable being.

This is just an idea. But perhaps you have ideas about what constitutes a relationship. Such as those in the media. A big strong man that can wrap his arms around you and make you feel like a woman. Something you would see in a movie. And you just don’t feel that in your relationship. Totally normal thing to feel. I’ve heard that before. It’s all about what you learn consciously or unconsciously about relationships. It is your schema. It’ll fix itself with time but there will be uncomfortable moments along the way. If you just want to feel more girly and you don’t mind trying these things it might help to: get your nails done a little long, wear some high heels, put on a skirt, even wearing matching under garments. These things help me feel very feminine when I do them. :)

I don’t understand why people keep bringing my boyfriend into this. Its not about him. Regarding the strong man coMment, I hate them. He’s skinny and gorgeous. When I’m with him, I feel pretty, but otherwise, not so much. I dunno,,, I alwaysa have had self imagar problems.

It took me until I was in my late 30s to feel comfortable in my own skin. You’re at an age where you’re defining yourself, and your definition may change day by day. It’s ok, that’s what this stage of life is about… figuring out who you really are. Just don’t be worried about feeling “like a girl”. Focus on feeling like yourself, instead.

For what it’s worth, I’m a 41 year old tomboy, and I have 3 daughters of my own. :)

@augustlan – I always lurve your advice!

@ShanSlumbers My sincerest apologies. I did not mean to imply he wasn’t a strong man at all.

@ShanSlumbers I can’t say for sure, because I’ve only had gender-related discussions with two of the other people who’ve answered you so far, but I suspect that people who keep bringing up your boyfriend have less personal experience with questioning their gender. Gender and sexuality are totally different things, but a lot of people don’t realize that.

My advice: LISTEN TO SIMONE.

Is it that you have this idea of what it means to be a girl (or a human being for that matter) and you don’t feel like you match that image, and you don’t think you ever will be able to?

Seventeen, as most teen years, can be very difficult. Most people are doing what you are doing: trying very hard to figure out who they are. By that, I mean how they fit into society, and how they match the myths that surround us, and show us one idea of who to be. It can be so easy to look at those images, and feel that you fail, and will never be like “that,” whatever that is.

I have good news, and I have bad news. The good news is that you can come to be comfortable with yourself, and have a real sense of who you are. This sense can be solid, and carry you through many struggles. If you give it time (and I know that when a teenager, you can want everything now and if it doesn’t come instantly, it’ll never come), it will come. Right now, frankly, it is too soon.

The bad news is that you can carry the worries about yourself around for much of your life. If that happens, therapy can help, as can joining other organizations that give you a sense of who you are and what you are supposed to do. Even with all of that, some of us never feel truly comfortable with ourselves. We always want that magical next thing that will tie it all together. All I can say is that life isn’t easy as a teen, and it isn’t easy at any other age. If that’s the case, then you might as well enjoy the struggle.