How do you deal with your significant other's parents when you live in their house?

Are you living rent free? Then you KISS THEIR BUTT!

I am paying rent. My Girlfriend is currently enrolled in the Radiology program at our local campus, and between clinicals and class, she’s only able to work about 2 days a week. I know the landlord is doing us a favor, but all I really want is respect.

I agree with MrM…. If you aren’t helping with the bills, then suck it up and don’t complain.
If you are helping with the bills and you have these issues which are not being resolved, then move out.

@basp and @Mr_M I totally agree with what your saying, but I am paying rent. Im taking care of the yardwork, my dishes, and my mess. I’m not living there on a free ride by any means.

Luvbubble
If you contribute to the household in those ways, then my answer changes. (sorry that I jumped to the wrong conclusion!)
Perhaps you could bring up the topic in a non threatening way when both mom and gf are there.
Talk about respect in general and how you respect others and expect the same in return.
But, don’t expect miricles…. Chances are you won’t be able to change her behavior.

@basp I have had conversations like this in the past, and it hasn’t seemed to do any good. Its frustrating.

@LuvBubble If you’re pulling your weight, then you may have a bit of wiggle room here. I’ve been in the same situation, I’ve lived with my in-laws for a period of months.

It is not easy by any means. Mostly, I kept to myself, and stayed out of family issues and family conflicts. You’ve got to brace yourself to live in a house, but not your home…abiding by rules that well preceded your arrival…with people who are mostly tolerating a situation.

So here’s what I learned staying with the inlaws: I had to get a better spirit about it. I was able to feel better and make it a more workable and tolerable environment when I realized a few things. You would do well to do the same.

Since you’re living there, and your GF is living there, then the mother must love her daughter and care about her…as well as you. Otherwise you’d both be in other digs. Deal with matters in terms of gratitude. Offer your own personal talents as contributions to the family you’re living with, not just chores that anyone can do. Above all, just empathize as much as possible to put yourself in the mom’s shoes. The greatest progress you can make is in the recognition of the ‘big picture’ and the true sentiments expressed in your situation, and the underlying nature of those who’ve taken you in.

It might be time to look into living elsewhere. It seems to take a child moving out for the relationship to change from one between a dominant parent and a dependent child to one between an older, wiser adult parent and an independent adult child.

I learned this lesson when my partner lived with me and my parents – it’s not a good idea, and there’s no real way to solve the situation without causing animosity and bad blood. We ended up dealing with it by moving out together. It was simply causing too much bad blood between him and my parents, and I didn’t want their relationship to be ruined by such trivial issues. Now that I have been out of my house for a few years, I look back and can understand many of the things that made him uncomfortable. This is one of the few things I would go back in time and tell myself, so that I could have avoided the mistake. If there’s any way you two can move out, that would be my advice.

I am in a similar situation myself, though it is his parents we live with and he is happy with the idea of living here with our daughter! We constantly have interference ‘raising our daughter’ with his parents! They won’t ‘mind their own business’ and I am the one who is very unhappy living here, but right now we are stuck so I can’t think of any plausible solution in our circumstance other than perhaps, splitting up and me leaving! He is not going to change and ‘sticks up and defends’ his parents over ‘our’ family so it is futile!

You are very lucky that your wife understands the situation, believe me!

Everything was fine when my gf and I moved out the first time. The only reason we moved back in was because she was accepted into the Radiology program, and we couldnt afford to keep our apartment. I guess the only real answer is to just suck it up, and take as much as I can until 12/2010.

Luvbubble
December 2010 may seem like a long way off, but if the sacrafice now will make things better in the long run, it will be worth it.

And look, it is already the end of July. Six more months only.

(Luv; Are you still here?)