Need sexual advice from the ladies.

Just tell her.
No reason not to be upfront with your needs or desires, just be nice and respect her choice.

where else would you like fellatio? up there??

If she doesn’t want to do it, it’s a lost cause.

If you really want it, after performing oral sex on her, tell her you want her to go down on you. I find it sexy when a man tells me what he wants.

lol4rl, cash. where else, indeed. XD

Just tell her. Maybe she doesn’t have much experience with it and is worried she will “do it” wrong. I agree with casheroo, if you don’t ask, she won’t know. Also, be sure to shower first. Not to be gross, but sweat is NOT appealing.

I would suggest just asking her. Maybe she had a bad experience, maybe someone told her she was bad at it, maybe she just doesn’t like it. If she is shy maybe she needs a little encouragement. Like @casheroo said, some girls (including me) like a guy who straight out says he wants it. I think a guy who talks dirty is sexy, just adjust your level of dirty until you find her comfort level.
You never mentioned how long you’ve been together, has she ever done it for you?

i would also like to know what her bad experiences related to it are. this is imperative. if she was told she sucks at it, then she probably needs a confidence boost.

just do what I do and let it go soft…she’ll be inclined to get r goin again

she doesn’t like “diry talking”. the actual act has happened only twice and thats when we were dating. she doesn’t like talking about sex…period. so i’m at a crossroads. maybe i should just let it go.

if the act itself makes her feel cheap then the last thing i want to do is ask her to do that cuase i don’t want it bring back bad memories. i respect her very much and love her so much. maybe it is a lost cause.

if it makes her feel cheap, then i guess there is nothing you can do.
or, you could tell her you feel cheap when you go down on her, and not give her oral. it seems like a double standard to me…you can give it to her, but it’s “cheap” for her to give it to you? hmmm

@Ozzman Are you dating, married? Younger or older? It may be more than a bad fellatio experience. It could be something in her family history, being raised to think sex was for procreation only and not fun. You two need to have a sit down, a few glasses of wine and relax, and TALK.

@Ozzman there’s nothing wrong with wanting something as part of a healthy sexual relationship. It’s not like you’re asking her to do anything crazy. Part of a good relationship is communication.

we are married, younger. she loves to drink and when she drinks she is alot less inhibited. but i don’t want to get her drunk everytime we have sex just so that i can hope she’ll be dirtier with me.

Have you tried watching porn together? Sometimes seeing something helps move things along ;-)

as soon as i mention sex, her wall goes up. yet she’s told me stuff, crazy stuff she did when she was younger and drank.

no she hates porn.

I can’t imagine entering into a relationship with someone, never having had a conversation about oral sex beforehand. Strange.

well i didn’t mention it before we got married because she did perform on me, again she was drunk. as soon as i mention sex….the lighhts are on but no ones home. i’m reallly confused.

Maybe on a morning after you two are drinking, when you wake up in the morning, you could casually mention something about sex the night before. “Honey, you were so sexy last night when you _____. Thank you for a great night. I love you!”

yeah i’ve done that. but no oral was performed. i have found instructional sex tapes on how to make love better that she has in our house. i think i’ll just move on and not bother with that subject. i appreciate all your advice. thanks everyone.

There are better things than a fellatio, really. Don’t worry.

I had to laugh at “significan’t other”

lol. yeah sorry about that. it was the first thing that came to mind.

@qashqai I don’t think it’s fair to be so dismissive of something that he actually enjoys. Part of a successful relationship is sexual satisfaction. He obviously loves his wife, and that is the most important thing. Maybe he is willing to live without oral, maybe not. Sex is very important to me. Even if he is the nicest guy in the world, if I’m not sexually fulfilled I can’t continue the relationship.
I think you (@Ozzman) need to talk with your wife, see how she honestly feels, and figure out if it’s a big deal or not to you personally.

i have tried talking to her elijahsuicide about sex. i can live with out the act even though i enjoy it immensley. the reason i give to her down there is because i love doing that. its something i get off of. its a turn on for me because i know she loves receiving it. maybe her giving to me is not a turn on for her and its something she feels uncomfortable with and I’ll i have to live with that. i love her unconditionally, and that act of her giving to me isn’t that important to me when you look at the relationship as a whole. as i said i love her unconditionally and that means for me to “give” to her as much as she wants. maybe i could just the vaccuum…..just kidding. thanks for your advice.

The big red flag here is not her lack of interest in fellatio but the fact that you’re more comfortable talking with a website of strangers about your sexual needs than you are talking with your girlfriend.

@cwilbur So what does that flag indicate to you?

@ cwilbur: It seems like he has tried to talk to his girlfriend about this, and is having difficulty in doing so. I can understand why he would come to us. It may not be the most accurate information always, but it is a collective of people who have all been through the same experiences. And it sure as hell is a lot cheaper then couples therapy. Not to discount that in any way. This couple could very well need therapy. It really might help.

@Ozzman: I know almost exactly where you are coming from. My girlfriend is not all the in to give or receiving oral. I am just to opposite. I enjoy both. For me its all a balancing act. She is about 5 years older than me, and has taught me so many different things. I think her reluctance stems more from the fact that she is just not completely comfortable with her self sexually, yet. And you know what, the more time I am with her, I am okay with that. I love her for who she is. Just like you do with your wife. Maybe bring up therapy. It could be a great experience that could bring you two together, and maybe more than just sexually.

@daloon: that the relationship isn’t as perfect as he claims, mainly. It also suggests that working on open communication with her is likely to do more to make her feel safe and valued than avoiding the subject altogether.

Ah. Yes, communication is usually the issue. How to solve it is the real conundrum.

Communication is the key. Sadly there are time in my own relationship where I don’t hold that key.

I mean, I’ve been there. My ex thought sex was shameful and disgraceful, and so could not bring himself to talk about it with anyone he loved and respected. There’s a bitter irony there. I spent quite some time trying to get through to him, but there was nothing I could do unilaterally, and that’s a large part of why he’s an ex.

What has worked for me in the past is to not ask, but slide under her like you were going to do an oil change and start giving it to her.

She’s left sitting there staring at the flagpole and may decide to lean over and reciprocate.