What should I do concerning my university application?

27 what? Is that a GPA? Just for clarification.

It’s a R Score, which is unique to Quebec. The education system in Quebec is different from the rest of the world, and we measure grades on how well you did compared to everyone else, not on a pass/fail basis.

So what I am trying to see is how much of a gap that difference represents. Not that it really affects the principle. I’m just trying to get the picture.

So is this the difference between McGill and another school?

Basically, most people in Quebec have an R Score of around 25–26 ish. 30–35 is needed for sciences. I’m applying to Arts, which needs a 27.

Take it!

There are advantages and disadvantages through life, take the advantage when you can (legally). There is a reason teachers family get an advantage.

Write your paper, some people are smart, but have trouble taking test, that could be you.

Go where you want to go. Certain aspects of life demand pulling strings.

@AlfredaPrufrock It’s also about living on my own in another city (something my parents don’t think I can do), having family around me (we have some friends of the family in Ottawa, but I don’t want to be hanging on their back), Jewish community, my parent not wanting to let go, etc…

So—I’d be thinking about questions like this:
—Who wants you to go to M university instead of O university, you or your dad?
—How important is the status of your university to what you want to do after graduation?
—Can you live with doing something that you f**king hate in order to get into the awesome school? I mean, given that you f**king hate it, would you really mind, though?
—Would you have to kill yourself to keep up at M university, and do you want to do that?
—Do you really want to go to the school where the old man is on the faculty and all his colleagues are looking over your shoulder and you will never be sure if you’ve been graded easier or harder, instead of just getting the grade you deserve, on account of that relationship?

This is an interesting dilemma. On the one hand, you get the equivalent of an ivy league education, but you are beholden to having pulled strings to get in. You will constantly have to prove yourself worthy of the decision. You possibly will bump out someone with higher scores than you for that spot.

Like the ever wise, Jeruba said, where do you want to go? Where do you think you would be the most comfortable, and do your best work? Can you make a compelling argument for why you deserve the spot, other than being your father’s son?

This is one of those pivotal “adult decision” moments…

I’m a big believer in going away to school if you can.

Oh, excellent point, @AlfredaPrufrock! @Mtl_zack, if this is about being grown up enough to look out for yourself, this decision is the first step.

But it comes with the responsibility to own the experience, and not get so sucked up in the freedom of the situation that you make bad choices with your freedom. The last thing you want to do is prove your parents right.

Your right to make a decision you feel the most comfortable with comes with the responsibility to act in your own best interests.

@Jeruba 1) I’m very torn between the local university, because of other factors. I’m in the process of starting a business, which will deal mainly in Montreal, however, nothing has been invested so far just time. I also have friends here, and I would be a stranger in Ottawa.
2) status isn’t important to me right now, but it may be later
3) I really would mind getting in on these circumstances. I hate being one of those jappy kids.
4) I would probably be living at home, so yeah, very little independence.

The 3rd point that @Jeruba makes is what drives me crazy. I don’t know how I would be looked upon from my peers, and by myself. Sure, I can keep it a secret, but I would know.

It’s all relative though, speaking as a Torontonian I’d way prefer being a student in Montreal rather than Ottawa. It’s just a funner and more culturally-oriented place. Also McGill is far better than U of Ottawa in many aspects.

Is there any way to get your parents to consider letting you go to residence even though you’re in the city? You can make some valid arguments about being in a student environment, more involved in extracurricular living on campus, maybe committing to working or maintaining GPAs as part of your independent living…

And stop apologizing or venting against your non-issue. You have the opportunity and it’s up to you to decide whether you want it or not. Preferential status, blah blah aren’t relevant. All of us have people that are far more privileged and less so no matter where in the totem pole we lie, it’s how we play our cards.

What do you plan to major in?

Also, there’s a big difference between saying let me in because of who my father is, vs. let me in because I will work hard, and be a credit to the university and myself.

I could have gone to the school where my father taught (and headed a department), free of charge, and lived at home. I took a flyer and went halfway across the country into a completely unknown environment, just so I could make my own reputation and learn what every young person needs to learn about self-determination, freedom, responsibility, and fun—and have a little adventure too. So I know what I would do in your place. But Zack, you have to think this through all by yourself. Take your best shot. And then go with it.

And you could write the letter and get turned down.

And to top it off, my parents have been trying to get me jobs and community service things so that it’ll be long term and I’ll have to stay. They let me redecorate my room, which I fell for, so then my parents could say “you just redecorated, now you’re not gonna stay here?”

@artificialard It’s Carleton, not U of O. I agree that Montreal is amazing, but there’s too much suffocation. If I’m walking on the street, there will be at least 5 people I know that will pop up throughout the day.

Residence is possible, but as I said, my mom let me redecorate my room. I would also have to get together with my family every week for dinner every friday night (which is the norm now) and they’d be “checking up”. They still have direct access, by the way.

@AlfredaPrufrock In Carleton, I’m gonna double major in History and Anthropology.
And the letter is just a way of my dad making an excuse for me to have “gotten in on my own”, because he would say to me that the letter would have been the tipping point, but in fact,he just gave a favor to the admissions people. The letter probably means nothing, with his status, where he can practically guarantee me admission, because of his high regards, tenyer and many titles in Montreal, Quebec, and Canada, as well as internationally.

My dad just sent me a draft of a letter that he thinks I should re-word and send in.

I think your dad should go if he gets in.

Psst:: “tenure”

My daughter looked at both Carleton and McGill but it was too complicated to apply from the US. With that double major, you will need grad school somewhere, or an MBA.

Oh dear, he sent you a suggested letter? If you send it, you get into McGill and are under your father’s thumb until you get out with a degree. If you go to Carleton, there will be a big row, but if you do the work and distinguish yourself, you are well on the way to independence.

In theory, he can’t “make” you send the letter, so you have a negotiating point about where you live if you do decide to go. And from your investment question, you could pay for your living expenses yourself if you needed to, no?

The other factor, that can be discerned from your previous fluther questions, is that you have some socialization issues with your current group of friends. The anonymity of a new situation could be really beneficial. No preconceived notions about you.

@AlfredaPrufrock A) Exactly! B) My mom influenced me to invest long term (5 years), so no, I don’t have the cash handy. C) My parents don’t know about my social issues

@Mtl_zack, you tell a whole story right here:
They let me redecorate my room, which I fell for, so then my parents could say “you just redecorated, now you’re not gonna stay here?”

Practice this: “I’ll enjoy it whenever I come to visit.”

You’re going to have to be tough. Sooner or later you’re going to have to turn your back on the tears and guilt. But they don’t really want you to be a dependent child indefinitely. You know it. They know it. If they can’t let go, darlin’, you have to do it for them.

Your Fluther Moms agree.

You’re in the honors program at Carleton, right?

Ya, but it’s 3 years, because I’m from Quebec (weird education system yet again). And there’s Co-op opportunities.

Enough talk, my lad. Go think it through. Come back and tell us what you decided. We won’t scold you as long as you do your very best.

In looking at the website, it sounds like Carleton is a little more developmentally based. I don’t think I’d let the “want to start a business” be a factor. The business at hand is to find and define yourself, and be comfortable with who you are, and your ability to manage your own life, even if you make a few mistakes along the way.

EXACTLY. EXACTLY. EXACTLY.

Go walk along the seaway tomorrow near Verdun, near the natatorium, and think it out. when I was little, there used to be blue fireflies in the bushes along there in the summertime

I would go for it. When I applied to college they required a 3.0 GPA. That’s not very high. I didn’t have it. I wrote a letter stating why I didn’t have the requirement and how much it would mean to me if they accepted me anyways. And they did! I didn’t get in for any reason except that they liked my letter. You don’t know what the determining factor will be. It might be the letter you write and not your dad’s status in the college.

Also I don’t think there is anything wrong with having connections in life as long as you are aware of those connections. You are aware of yours and conscious of how it may affect yourself as well as others. That is good. Props to you for that.

Now if you think guilt of somekind will continue to affect you then I’d go for a different school. You want to be confident in yourself and be able to dedicate yourself to your studies.

I just spoke to my mom, and we were talking about my decisions vs. hers, in life. I made my point that I want to go to Carleton, and I have for a few months now, and now I guess she realizes that she can’t control my life and live vicariously. This is only speaking for my mom, by the way. So, my mom accepts that I will go to Carleton. Now, my dad has to have similar ideas as my mom. She went to talk to him, and maybe she will explain to him that what he wants is not necessarily what I want. I don’t want to talk to him unless there’s that lubricant that my mom can apply because otherwise there is no use. He is very stubborn.

If your mom gangs up on him, he’s outnumbered.

Ooh I didn’t know you’re majoring in anthro and history. Carlton should be an excellent fit for you, and it seems like that’s where you want to go which is what’s important.

Like the rest of the thread I’ll just offer my support and advise you to stand firm for what you want. University’s an important experience and it seems like you’ll benefit a great deal from the experience of being independent for the course of your studies.

Another note of generic advice though – if you’re not necessarily naturally academically inclined University could really help or be a downer for your grades. Work hard on grades and faculty relationships have options for post-graduate studies. I made the mistake of coasting and working too early and while I don’t necessarily regret the experience it would’ve been nice to have more options graduating from my bachelors.

Does that mean we’ll have to call you Owa_zack now?

Good for you, Zack! Half way there. Sounds like your mom is pretty attuned to you.

Did your dad use his father’s influence in choosing a college? Throwing that out there as potential argument ammo…either way. You made a pretty compelling argument to us, so your reasoning is sound, and hard to argue with. You’ve looked at it from all sides.

I agree completely with Alfreda and Jeruba on this one. I remember many questions from you some time ago about gaining your independence from you parents, and this is the point at which to do it. Good luck, and please keep us posted!

You should be happy to have such good connections!!!