What would you think if your child told you he was gay/bi through a text?

I would think they were either too embarrassed or scared to tell you in person. I would also think in my head: “Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!”

There’s a flobbetty-gillion places to stay in SF.. Hotels.com?

I would be ashamed of myself that they didn’t feel comfortable telling me in person. I wouldn’t care if they were gay.

Finding a place in SF is easy.

It isn’t an easy thing to tell, so it’s understandable.

How those two questions relate to each other?

I would never do this to my mum, I’m curious about how you would think.

I would be so sad that they were afraid to tell me in person. But I’m so thoroughly queer myself that I doubt that would happen. If I had a kid and they texted me to tell me they were gay/bi, it would more likely be because it was no big deal and not something they felt required a sit-down-and-chat session.

I’d be worried I’ve done something wrong as a parent if she’s too scared to comfront me with it. I wouldn’t mind the fact that she’s gay at all, but I would really hate being informed via a text message. What would it be like?

“Hi dad, in S.Fran 2day-miss u- oh btw I’m a dyke”

My mum has already good a good idea but she thinks I’m gay not bi. So it shouldn’t be a shocker it’s just the fact I have to admit it as I said on another poll.

First, I would be terribly hurt! Because… My son or daughter didn’t have enough faith in me or doubted my unconditional love that i feel for them. That he or she felt insecure In Themselves. And that I was the underlying cause for those feelings. Note* A few years ago, my youngest daughter called me up and said to me, Hi mom, guess what? I asked what? She said, she and her girlfriend had gone to San Francisco and had gotten married. I started crying! NOT because I had JUST learned that she was gay, but because I had missed something soo very important, my daughters and her partners wedding… My daughter, not understanding why I was crying said , you mean you aren’t ashamed of me? I told her, Gosh NO… Her sexual preference is her business.. To make this short, she told me she had been kidding. That she loved me .she also thanked me for accepting her as she was and not being judgemental (sorry about the novel)

Oh @Myndecho my daughter is now engeged to be married, but not to another woman but to a terrific guy…. To me it wouldn’t have mattered, so long as she ‘s happy!

In order of preference:

In person: “Oh, okay”
Text Message: “No way”
Picture Message: “Whoa, hey”

It would always be better to just talk to them, it may be tough, but it will be more satisfying for the ongoing relationship. Plus it is much harder to express thoughts clearly with written text. They might misunderstand which would force the actual conversation minutes later anyways.

I’m confused by the body of the question. Are you going to San Fran to confront the kid?

@syz – I think Myndecho is a young person who needs to tell his parents that he’s gay, and is weighing his options. The SF thing is almost incidental.

@Myndecho – I would feel sad that my child felt too frightened to tell me in person. I would want my child to know that they could tell me anything and we’d still love each other, and that who they love is of no consequence to me as long as they were treated well by their partner and was happy and at peace with themselves.

As for SF, you might want to look into youth hostels. There’s supposed to be a very nice Hosteling International branch in SF.

I would wonder WHY they are texting me? Because my kids would know that i would not have a problem with things like that, and that they never have to fear telling me anything at all.

I’d think, “Oh, holy crap! Do I even have any texts left in my plan? Should I reply and risk getting another text charge, or should I wait until I see my kid next to discuss this further. What’s to discuss, anyway? My kid’s gay. Am I going to talk them out of it? Why would I want to? I guess I don’t need to send a reply then. Whew! Problem solved.”

If I were a parent, I would be pretty hurt about this. I’d want my kids to be able to talk to me about anything and know that I’d love, support, and accept them no matter what. is t possible that it would be a sign of a good relationship? Like the kid would know it wasn’t a big deal to the parents, so why make a big deal out of telling them? Maybe?

@Myndecho Just do it already. Does she know? Come on, don’t give me the old “I think so.” Does she know? If she is able to conceive of the idea, then you telling her what she already knows is not going to shock her.

Note: When you come out to your mom she will have to come out, as well. She will have to come to terms with the fact she is the mother of a gay son. She will have to admit it to others and risk scorn and/or rejection, and watch as her child is treated the same. Be kind. You need to support each other.

@Likeradar From my first reply, you can probably figure out that I’d be much like your afterthought. I think my kid would also know that I’d be more concerned about the cost of a text than about their sexual preference. I just don’t think it really matters.