intrusive & nosy people, asking personal questions:-
Most nosy people are unhappy or dissatisfied with their own lives. There is often a real void in their lives and they have to fill it with the lives and events of others, Quite sad really!
There are many strategies that you could try!
Here are some : -
You need to Practise them
1) Keep Pushing back the question to them (e.g. Q – “what are you doing this weekend?” A- “not sure, what are you doing?)
2) Answer questions briefly, with no explanation., avoid definite YES and NO answers. Do not “close” or “finish” questions”. This will stop more questions coming and you will not be feeding the problem. Instead use humor, Vagueness, avoidance without divulging any real information. The person will give up when they realize they aren’t getting proper answers.
examples:
Q) “are you going away?” A) not sure, don’t know, be great if we could (AVOIDANCE, VAGUENESS)
Q) “are you dating anyone” A) we all need somebody (AVOIDANCE), why have you got someone for me (HUMOUR), lines of them (HUMOUR)
Q) “have you received any offers on your house” A) I leave it to the my husband, estate agents (AVOIDANCE), Its still on the market (AVOIDANCE)
Q) “Is that a brand new car” – It’s a lovely model (AVOIDANCE), i fell in love with the colour
Q) are you working? A) all the time Q) where are you working? A) there’s so much to do all the time Q) so what do you do Q) I do many things, i’ve got many skills (AVOIDANCE AVOIDANCE AVOIDANCE)
Q) “Have you put on weight?” Answer: “well, i can’t see the scales anymore” (HUMOUR)
Avoid replies like: “thats a good question” as this encourages them to ask more personal questions.
3) Distraction,excuse or Change the subject immediately and Talk about something else. Q) “How much is your mortgage”? A) could you excuse me a second, my phone is ringing or I can’t talk right now i’m in a rush, or ouch! my stomach… cramps! (anything really have a few ideas prepared).
** IN EVERYTHING HERE YOU ARE SUBTLY SENDING THE MESSAGES THAT YOU ARE NOT PREPARED TO ANSWER PERSONAL QUESTIONS ( the other person may have not been aware that they were being nosy and you have helped them)
4) Send subtle (disapproving) verbal and body language messages, to show show that you are not happy with the questions.
– Mumble, talk quieter and make it hard for the person to hear what you are saying
– ....use (mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm), (yeeeeesssssss( ohhh well!) ..... as if you are thinking about the question (the silence will be equally uncomfortable for them)...then change the subject.
– home in on one of the words and then answer a similar but different question (it will sound like you mis-heared them) e.g how long have you been trying for a BABY A) I know BABY’s are so cute and cuddly). They may repeat the question but that would show how stupid and unobservant they are.
– Just talk nonsense (e.g Q – Are you in debt? A) oh yes, i came out of the house this morning and could’t get the car started
– give the school-kid treatment “Nothing”. What have you done at school today “Nothing”, what did you have for lunch “Nothing”.
Body language:
– Use all the facial expressions that you can think of to show disapproval.
If you feel that you must be truthful
Then keep your answers short and vague. I wouldn’t say anything that sounds like your showing off or that things are better than they are. (The main cause of nosiness is that the person is unhappy with their lives)
Other things to bear in mind
-You may have to temporarily avoid the person If the nosiness is unbearable. But don’t make the avoidance obvious. It’s more about letting the other person know that you are a private person.
-If you can’t avoid the person then keep the encounter short & polite (as you do not wish to hold a “dislike” or “hate” to the person). Keep optimistic that the person can change.
- model the correct behavior to the other person (i.e. don’t ask intrusive questions to them). Ask gentle /unassuming questions (e.g. nice whether, nice day, oh nice to see the kids out playing etc.
Last resort
If the person’s fails to understand your the subtle hints then you may have to be more direct and blunt, but try not to be rude. don’t embarrass them , make them feel stupid or put them down
Here’s some Lat Resort replies (when you have just about had enough): -
“No comment”
“secret information”, i’d have to kill you (HUMOUR)
“That’s a personal matter”
“now theres a question, do i have to answer that?”
“that’s private”
“please, you are making me feel uncomfortable”
4) No matter how tempted you are to overreact, don’t do it. The idea is to stay in control of the situation. As soon as you start getting defensive or going on the attack, you are no longer in charge
All this will take practice and trial and error. Don’t worry if you mess-up. Go through each situation after the event and sort out what you should have done & what you will do next time. Before long things will become more and more automatic
***YOU HAVE GOT MY PERMISSION TO COPY AND PASTE AND RE-WRITE A BETTER VERSION, IN FACT I ENCOURAGE YOU TO DO SO!!!!