How do you tell someone how you feel without hurting their feelings ?

“I value your friendship so much, and I really care about you, but I like what we have right now.” Thank him for trusting you with his feelings, and don’t do anything to betray the trust.

Yeah I think that shall work. The only thing i worry about is he may want more of an explantion :/

@kayysamm You feel how you feel. He wants to date you, you only like him as a good friend. How much more explanation does he need? Does he really need to hear that the idea of being naked with him makes you sick, or whatever the reason is? You’re entitled to not want to date someone.

You are right. I shouldn’t have to explain the obivous. He is such a sweet guy and im worried about hurting him but thank you.

Why do you think a relationship would ruin a friendship?

Also, just tell him.

I feel having a relationship could improve our friendship and could be wonderful, but if it ends badly then things could hit rock bottom. I rather know I always have him as a friend then to know I could lose him all together.

Hummm… I just realized you said “I don’t like him like that because I don’t want to ruin the friendship.” That doesn’t make a lot of sense.

Is it that you don’t like him like that and don’t want to ruin the friendship, or do you like him like that but don’t want to ruin the friendship?

@kayysamm ahh, I’ve always wondered why people felt that way. I never considered the fact that things could end badly..weird.

things can always change badly thats how life works.

@likeradar: i dont like him like that AND i dont want to ruin a friendship.

@kayysamm So I’ll stick with my original answer then. :)

Somewhere else around here we have just been advising a guy who has been friends with a girl for a long time and has waited out her other relationships and now wants to let her know that he is interested in something more than friendship. I hope we are not counseling the same couple to cross purposes! @kayysamm, you might want to look that one up to see the other side of this.

A romance can ruin a friendship, that’s true. And if the romance ends, you lose the friendship as well. That’s a real risk. But some of the best, most lasting love relationships begin as solid friendships. If your partner is not also your best friend, you may be in for a rocky ride. And when all the heat and passion wear off—which they can someday—what’s left will still be solid if it’s founded on friendship.

Yes this is true. I may go for it but as for right now I think keeping friends are best for now.

It maybe too late, sweetie. He may not be able to go back to pretending, now that he has taken the plunge. Your like-brother-and-sister days are probably over, unless you want to torture him. So the only question that remains is whether you are willing to try dating or you have to say good-bye.

I think he is undersanding enough where he will not ruin what we have as friends for something so sillly.

Yes, taking that step he did can make it too late. If you wanna save that friendship, I think you will have to work hard on it, cause saying “I want to be friends” doesn’t mean much. You’d probably have to prove that you love him as a friend. What happens when you get a boy friend? I have been through similar situations, and I have no contact with them anymore. It’s sad and I feel I could have done more to save the friendship. Maybe it’s easier to reconnect later and start over.

If you think grabbing your hand and saying “I’ve been in love with you for so long and didn’t know how to tell you”—something he probably fantasized and rehearsed a thousand times and had to summon all his courage to do—is silly, you’re probably going to break his heart.

Mhm…

The dreaded “I just want to be friends,” statement. God, when I was in high school, that was just the worst! And it happened way too often. I felt diminished and made second class. Out of honor, I tried to be friends, but it was never the same. She had turned me down. There’s no way around that. You just can’t stick around with someone who has turned you down.

I don’t know if women appreciate this. Do you know how hard it is to ask or to say you’re interested? Do you know how crushing it is to be told, “no?” After that, it’s pretty much torture to be around you, yet you want to be “nice.” You don’t want to hurt my feelings.

I’m sorry, but you already have, and in a way that is probably the worst kind of hurt there is, short of breaking up an actual relationship. As Jeruba wisely said, we’ve been fantasizing about this for ages, and working our way up to asking, and our dreams are dashed, and really, they have to be mourned, and to mourn them in the presence of their cause is pure torture.

It is no gift to be “friends.” I’m sorry. I think your friendship is over. The kindest thing you can do is to just let it be over, and not see him any more. Not even as a friend.

It’s possible that he may be willing to do this, but eventually, I think, he’ll realize it’s bad for him to rub salt in his wounds. I don’t know if you can bring yourself to do this, but please, let the friendship go. It is kindest for all.

@daloon terrific advice.

Here’s the other thread I was thinking of.

@daloon – I don’t know if women appreciate this. Do you know how hard it is to ask or to say you’re interested? Do you know how crushing it is to be told, “no?” After that, it’s pretty much torture to be around you, yet you want to be “nice.” You don’t want to hurt my feelings.

That was most of college for me, so I understand. It does hurt like a mutha.

@daloon, I do. And if I hadn’t already learned it, raising two sons would have shown me.

I thank all of you for the great advice. And I think it’s the fact of lettign going of the friendship is what I’m not ready for. I don’t want to lose this boy as my friend, we have been through way to much together to just stop all contact.

Maybe I should try to give a relationship a shot, don’t they always say your boyfriend should be like your best friend. Well what if he is my best friend ? I feel like it has so many pros and cons to this situation.

I don’t think im ready to lose him as my friend.

@kayysamm, let us know what happens. Wending your way through the complexities of youthful relationships can be a scary business. I hope this works out for the best for both of you. Please remember to take this young man’s feelings seriously. The way he feels about you is a matchless gift.

Thank you very much. He is suppose to come over and we are taking my little brother to soccer and kinds spending the day with him. That night we are going out to dinner and i plan to talk to him about it then.