Essay due tomorrow! Is it ok? Q's..Please help. Tense, wording etc...

Guys I know this is a lot to read but I could really use some advice.

1. I feel like I’ve used “him,he, Paul too much” ? Is that even fixable?

2. Which tense? (the character killed himself and Im talking about him and describing why his poor mental state lead to his death)
CAN U CORRECT A FEW OF THE TENSE ERRORS?

3.ANY SUGGESTIONS FOR BETTER WORDS/TERMS?

4. HOW IS MY INTRO AND CONCLUSION?

THANKS !
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Leaving a mental illness untreated can result in horrible consequence which may have been preventable. When someone has an unhealthy way of thinking, sometimes it doesn’t take much to provoke them into taking extreme action when pushed to their breaking point. This is clearly evident in Willa Cather’s short story, “Paul’s case”. Paul’s (the main character) situation is clearly not understood or handled correctly. Consequently, Paul’s poor mental and emotional state is what cause him to take his own life in the end.

Paul’s detachment from his world is one of the main causes of his suicide. He couldn’t stand his dull town and the people in it because in his mind they lived such an unbearably mundane existence. He would never be satisfied unless he could have the life he wanted. His school faculty couldn’t understand him and his father wanted him to be like someone else; he just wanted a simple life for his son, but Paul couldn’t stand the thought of that. He was unable connect or relate to anyone or anything in his life because too him it was all too undesirable. This causes him to withdraw from reality and his only escape was to fantasize about the high-class privileged life he so desired. There was no one there to turn to when he needed help, and therefore he had to rely on his own judgment. Unfortunately his state of mind lead him to make irrational decisions.

A sense of overwhelming hopelessness also contributed to pushing Paul over the edge. All he did was work and go to school; he felt trapped in that cycle. He became frustrated because he didn’t know what steps to take so that he could have the life he wanted. His job as an usher was also a constant reminder of how horrible his life was; what he wanted was right there in front of him but unreachable. Over time, Paul didn’t have any confidence that he would reach his dreams. He also felt that his father and the school faculty where holding him back because first they got his employer to let him go from his job and then when he finally escaped to New York they tracked him down. It made him feel like he could not escape them and he was backed into a corner. They always tried to drag him down into their dull way of life.

After having a taste of the lifestyle he wanted in New York; Paul felt there was no way he could go back to his old life. His new lifestyle is so intoxicating, that he becomes extremely depressed when confronted with the stark reality that he must go back to his old life. He then becomes unstable when unable to part with his new found happiness. When he accepts that he can’t have the life he needs; he felt there was nothing worth living for. The horribleness of his old life becomes even clearer to him after his wonderful experience in New York and it makes him realize there is no place for him back there in that meaningless existence.

In the end, Paul was emotionally drained and didn’t have the will to go on. Since there was no one to help guide him in his time of need; he decided to end his life because he was overwhelmed and didn’t know what to do. It is clear how one symptom leads to another; Paul was detached which caused him to not have anyone to help him, which then leads to feelings of hopelessness, deep depression and despair. Paul’s Case clearly showed the deterioration of someones mental state and what can happen as a result.