Is getting involved with someone who admits to being in a relationship better than someone who lies about their steady relationship and takes you on as a side project?

If it is an open marriage then I would not consider it cheating and therefore it would be more acceptable otherwise no.

No, it’s still wrong.

I think that there are so many people in the world that you can meet, that you don’t have to jump at every chance you get. Getting into a relationship like that can hurt a lot of people. Why would a person stay in a relationship and go after others? That’s kind of low IQ and not a person I would like to spend time with, if you ask me.

If it’s an open marriage and no secrets, why not. There is no future in it, and I don’t see the point of it, but as long as you would be open about it.

I’d ask his wife if she was cool with it. If she agrees, go for it; otherwise, I’d pass.

@oratio I agree about the open relationships. It seems people will do anything to get as much tail as they can.

No, if they will cheat, they will cheat on you too.

a. is it some kind of trap?

b. i have my deal with her. she has her deal with him.

That’s how I think about it.

It says he’s a dirty cheatin’ dog and I better run like hell! Relationships are complicated enough when people are in loving committed monogamous relationships. Who needs the drama?

What I’m wondering is along these lines:
“he/she cheats so it’s not like they have a real relationship I need to respect”

That kind of thing, is it true, would it make a difference?

How about respecting yourself?

If you think like that, you probably make a good pair.

If it’s an open relationship, then it isn’t really cheating. Cheating implies dishonesty with at least one party. If it does involve some sort of deceit, then it’s still a bad idea, regardless of who is supposedly being lied to. You think he/she is being honest to you, but how do you really know? If they can lie to their partner about something that big, they can lie just as easily to you. If they aren’t now, they likely will later.

If the other relationship isn’t a “real relationship”, then they should get out of it before starting something new. Then they can avoid the whole dishonesty/cheating issue.

If he’s not happy in his current relationship, let him wrap that one up before getting involved in a new one. HE may not think he has a real relationship, but I’d bet the woman he’s in the relationship with has another opinion. If it’s not a relationship then disolve it.

I think an honest cheater is better than a lying cheater, yes. Other than that, I think you know my position on getting involved with known cheaters of either type.

Adultery is wrong. Period. I am not referrring to the morality of it (which isn’t the issue, it just plain is wrong) but rather that nothing good ever seems to come from these things. Ultimately, someone is (or in most cases, everyone) is hurt.

Sometimes, the answer is in the question. A healthy relationship is complicated enough. Now re-read the question: isn’t that really complicating matters?

I think both approaches can lead to complications.

I agree with most of the other posters here. Any relationship is complicated, open marriages are no different. I’d settle for someone not attached than to jump into something that could turn out REALLY badly. Cheating is never right, unless your reflexes are slowing down and we are talking about cheat codes for video games. Then cheating is fine. :-)

@ru2bz46: I don’t agree with adultery (in general) but there is so much of it so I wonder how people base their decisions to take part in it. Kind of like herpes, you know it’s out there, you still enjoy kissing so how do you pick?

One of my roomates has a similar issue. He rushed into a marriage, has a newborn daughter and they live 2 hours away.
This guy gets more play than any of the others here (around 5) put together…. by telling women he’s married!.
This has been like his own personal aphrodisiac. He says he feels bad about it one moment.. and is screwing a nurse at the next.
This applies not just to the women we work with. It seems to have some sort of effect on the women of the region.
This bothers me because i know his wife and daughter…. and have never been able to be unfaithful myself… but i love the guy like a brother and can’t birng myself to give hi any more shit about it.
I think it’s wrong either way…. up front or in secret. Infidelity is still infidelity. Being a willing accessory to said infidelity makes you just as guilty.
Being lied to…. not sure.

@VzzBzz My opinion is to find out if he’s married (whatever the circumstances). If so, he is off limits. Like herpes, if one person has it, eventually, you both will.

i feel that if someone gets involved with a person whom they know is in a relationship (married, committed, whatever) and wants to deal with what’s involved (secrecy, etc) and is willing to do that without intentions of the other partner finding out (in other words, not being evil and contacting wife w/ intentions of home wrecking) then fine. rather know what you’re dealing with then finding out that the person you thought was single is really not. not saying i would want to be on the “cheated on” end but i took this question as hypothetical.

From an ethical perspective, the person who tells the truth is better than the person who lies. At least everyone has all the information and they can make informed decisions about their lives.

From a practical perspective, depending on your goal, it is either good or bad. If your goal is to maintain a secret relationship, then the person who lies is better. If your goal is to stop things, the person who is open is better.

There are other perspectives, but it seems to me they have been covered quite adequately in the other answers.

…only room for one true love but many acquaintances…