Should I respond to an email from an old boyfriend/friend?

Take it really slow. This situation is potentially dangerous for both yours and his marriages.

Maintain a guarded friendship and see how it goes. Don’t get too invested.

I wouldn’t , but that may just have to do with my “I won’t be friends with you after we break up” policy. He very well may not do the same thing he did again, but how can you be sure? If I were you, I’d put all the emotion and effort that would have gone into getting back into a friendship with him into your relationship with your wife. Go out with her, meet people, and enjoy your time with this person who values you and your friendship/love.

i don’t think that you should respnd because if he is being such a frikin loser and not being nice to you

It feels to me as if he may finally realize how much he regrets not holding onto the friendship. Haven’t we all done something stupid, or ended a friendship too early, and then later regretted it. It is nice that he is contacting you even if it is for his own good, to feel that he at least tried to get it back. But on your end I wouldn’t assume his intentions are pure. I agree with the consensus that you should be guarded and if you proceed take things quite slowly. In all honesty I feel like starting the friendship again would be a nice thing to do. What worries me is the relationship that you two shared and that perhaps he wants to rekindle it. In that sense I would be guarded. Perhaps talking a bit more online would give you an idea if you want to continue trying to renew this friendship or give it up altogether.

I think your gut knows what is right. I’m not sure what that is. But you probably do.

No chance of rekindling the relationship. The main reason we broke up is because I didn’t want children. Plus, I love my wife. I’d never do anything to hurt her.

Don’t ya just have to wonder why he is contactng you now? I suspect things aren’t just peachy in his current situation and his mind is wandering back to better times.
Unless you want to get back together with him….Don’t respond.

I’m agreeing with a lot of what’s been said..
Definitely take it slow. Your wife knows about it, and if she’s okay with you communicating with an old boyfriend, then you got that out of the way. Communicating and catching up doesn’t mean you have to start off where you left off, or be super close right off the bat. He hurt you, and it’s understandable that you’re wary.
I wonder why you think his wife doesn’t know? Did she ever have issues with you, in the past?
I would try not to read to much into it, also. That’s how feelings get hurt.

@tinyfaery just make sure he knows that (not that I assume that is what he wants, just that being upfront is typically best in situations with uncertainty involved).

Life is too short to worry about hidden motives. You know the guy. If you miss him and want to be friends again, do it. I’ve had so many relationships that break up over something or another. Years go by, and then whatever it is doesn’t seem so important any more, and we get back together. Maybe not as tight as we were, but not like the cold war, either.

So, yeah, do it, but don’t expect it to be anything close to what it was like before. In fact, don’t be surprised if it kind of withers away after a while. Neither of you are now where you once were. The changes may be too great to reclaim the old relationship, or even to hash out a workable new one.

lol…
I’ve just been through this very same situation…
it ended badly
me more messed up than him
please do not get back in touch with him
yours is likely to end badly too
if you want more information pm me

I think you should contact him. It’s obvious that he’s worth the trouble, and it’s not really as if he betrayed you or something, sometimes people are not strong enough to fight. And let’s face it, at the time you were not as important as his girlfriend, or at least that’s how he saw it. I think it would be selfish to keep a grudge because of that. And even if he does the same thing again, so be it. It could also be you next time. Friendships are too valuable to waste because of minor misunderstandings like that.

I’ve lost a lot of friends to one stupid mistake or another, but even so, i would be hesitant to rekindle a friendship with any of them. While we might’ve ended badly or lost touch with one another, I think it was for a good reason. I don’t miss them so much as I miss the times we had together. But situations change and people change with them. The fact that he is contacting you years later is kind of shady. I agree with what others have said, either he’s looking for your forgiveness or he’s looking for an illicit hook-up. If you do respond I think it would be best to be up front about both of these things. Let him know he’s forgiven but tell him your concerns about his motives. A husband who sneaks around to see a friend is still a husband who sneaks around.

You need to ask yourself how you would feel if you and your wife’s roles in this were reversed.

Very simple to do. Very hard to be honest about.

@blondsjon My wife’s best friend is her ex. I have no problem with it.

I don’t mean “does she have a similar situation”. I meant how would you feel if she was you and you were her in this exact situation. You may not have a problem with her because of the way you look at things but how does it look through her eyes?

No

Ask yourself what you want. Are you glad he connected with you? why? Please be careful as you explore and do not get involved or you will not be at peace.
I know from experience, this can pit you against your wife in the long run. Embrace her, reject the old friend.